Chatty pirate
| Chatty pirate | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 624 |
| Locations | The F'c'le |
| Hit Points | 90 |
| Attack | 100 |
| Defense | 90 |
| No-Hit | 110 |
| Initiative | 50 |
| Meat | 51-75 |
| Phylum | pirate |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a chatty pirateSo, the other day I was standing here on the ship, looking out at the ocean, and then another pirate walked up and looked at the ocean with me for a while, and then he walked away. Then I went down to the galley and ate lunch -- it was nothing fancy, just some hardtack and grog -- I wonder why they call it hardtack, anyway? I guess it's hard because it's dehydrated, but I'm not sure where the 'tack' part comes from. Anyway, I finished lunch, then I went upstairs and stared at the ocean some more, and then...
Hit Message(s):
He talks your <ear> off. Argh! Oof! Eek!
You bang your head against the mizzenmast to try and drown out the incessant chatter. Oof! Ooh! Argh!
Toward the end of one of his long, pointless stories, you fall asleep and smack your head on the way down. Eek! Ooh! Eek!
You leap overboard to escape the pointless chatter. The cold water quickly sets your teeth to chattering, though. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
You finally lose your temper and shout "Shut up! Just shut up! Do you ever think anything you don't say?" The chatty pirate looks hurt, then angry, then he slices you with his cutlass (narrating all the while). Oof! Ugh! Oof! Ouch! Ow!
He tries to talk your <neck> off, but it remains firmly attached.
You cover your ears and hum a happy tune, drowning out his ceaseless chatter.
He tells a long, pointless story, but it just reminds you of your youth in Lake Wobegon, Minnesota.
You're tempted to leap overboard to escape the pointless chatter, but manage to resist.
You lose your temper and shout "Shut up! Just shut up! You're dull and ridiculous!" Man, that felt good. If only you could do that more often. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 51-75 Meat (average: 63, stdev: 5.29)* |
| You gain 25 <substat>. |
Occurs at the F'c'le.
Notes
- Chatterboxing with a valuable trinket banishes this monster from the area for somewhat fewer than 20 adventures.
References
- One of the miss messages is a reference to the "News from Lake Wobegon," a segment on the radio show A Prairie Home Companion.
- "Do you ever think anything you don't say?" is a quote from the Scrubs episode "My Last Chance" -- which is itself a reference to the Simpsons episode "Bart's Girlfriend."
