Chat Guide: Channels

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Chat Guide
Basics | Chat Commands | Game Commands | Channels | Miscellaneous

Shorthand List of Channels

Public Chat Channels

newbie

In-game description: This channel is a place for new players to ask questions, and for other players to answer them.
Purpose of channel: Public channel for asking and answering game questions.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Newbie gets all the new inquisitive players and as such gets a mix of idiots, asshats, and scammers alongside some of the freshest, least snobby and most uninhibited players in KoL. If newbie is quiet, then everyone else has been kicked off the game.
In-jokes and traditions: A common in-joke about killing the Hermit is often used to confuse newbies. People may claim they've killed the hermit but they are either using it as a euphemism for another questionable activity or as a trick.
See Also: The Help Forum

trade

In-game description: This channel is dedicated to the exchange of goods and services. And Meat.
Purpose of channel: Trading KoL items, Meat, services, and buffs.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.
Moderated: Yes.
About: This channel is not a social channel. The moderators will ask that conversations, arguments, market speculation, questions and any other chatter be taken to PM or to another channel. Even saying "Hello" is considered chatting and will typically be responded to with a warning from the chat moderators. Channel regulars agree that this channel seems to attract every beggar, spammer, flamer, and scammer in KoL.
See Also: KoL /trade Quotes
The Marketplace

games

In-game description: This channel is for all manner of games, contests, and other gamy whatnot.
Purpose of channel: Playing games, trivia, raffles, etc.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.
Moderated: Yes.
About: /c games is a channel made to have fun. Chatters in this channel are best at posing creative trivia questions, creating exciting games and awarding fabulous prizes. One caveat: /Gamers regard requests for games, or questions such as, "Any games going on?", to be in bad taste in the vein of begging. This channel was added October 26, 2004.
In-jokes and traditions: It's often joked that after rollover, the channel turns into /perv - evening hours do frequently enough head towards the land of the double-entendre, though mods still take offense to more blatantly not-worksafe discussion.
See Also: Radio GKOL
Lopey's Unspoken Rules of /c games
Games Etiquette
Games Rules and Antiraffle for descriptions of some games

radio

In-game description: This channel is for discussion of Radio KoL.
Purpose of channel: Discussion and socializing related to Radio KoL. While Radio KoL no longer exists, the chat channel is still around.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Radio Contests were hosted here but only by the DJ (non-radio-DJs could not host raffles in this channel) and if were lucky, you might've won one. This channel opened on February 16, 2005 and remains open despite Radio KoL's shutdown.
In-jokes and traditions: Theflorist is ALWAYS the DJ. "The radio does not exist to give you shit."
See Also: Radio KoL

normal

In-game description: This channel is for regular old discussion. About whatever.
Purpose of channel: Standard socializing.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Nothing about /c normal is actually normal. /normal, in general, follows the creed "Next time you have a thought, let it go."
In-jokes and traditions: Some call it "/ab-normal". Player Spencer Drake, also known as Spanky, likes to do naked cartwheels in normal. There are three things above /normal: the sky, the rafters, and the ceiling; things sometimes fall from them. Many of the teenage boys in /normal are called perverts. This is the channel where many noobs (not to be confused with newbs) seem to wander into from /newbie. Of course they need instructions on how to get back to /c newbie, which seems to be difficult for them after the managed to get out of it. This is also the place where pizzaclone tells about how his quest is going for collecting every sword in the game. Another "tradition" is some of them are rude so BEWARE and only ask questions in /newbie because the people in /normal will chew you up with their harsh words.

Limited-Access Channels

challenge

In-game description: The first rule of commendation club is that this joke is overused.
Purpose of channel: General discussion among players that have received a special challenge path commendation.
Access to channel is gained by: Getting a special challenge path commendation by holding one of the top spots on the leaderboard at the end of the challenge's season.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Quiet most of the time, with bursts of activity regarding the current challenge path or other ascension-related talk. Also, butts.

arcade

In-game description: This channel is reserved for valued members of the Game Grid Arcade.
Purpose of channel: General chat.
Access to channel is gained by: Using a Game Grid valued membership card.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Very little chat by players actually occurs in this channel. However, messages from the Game Grid arcade machines appear regularly, giving the channel the feel of an arcade.

kwe

In-game description: This is a listen-only chat channel, which will broadcast the monthly KWE wrestling matches.
Purpose of channel: Play-by-plays of KWE fights were broadcast to this channel during each fight. As John Wilke's Booth was removed from the game in 2016, the channel no longer serves a purpose.
Access to channel is gained by: Using a KWE-brand transistor radio.
Moderated: No.
About: KWE Announcer is the announcer for the KWE events in /kwe. This channel became available on April 21, 2006. This channel is listen-only.
Note: For some point in the game, one could talk in /kwe by typing /me followed by a forward slash ("/") while being in the channel and they could talk. This was fixed on February 02, 2011.

foodcourt

In-game description: This is the food court of the Mall of Loathing. Eat, drink, chat with other store owners.
Purpose of channel: General discussion. Created mainly to remove the social aspect from /trade.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and owning a store in The Mall of Loathing.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Random food fights and huggles are given here. Fuzzah instead of Huzzah is the standard greeting in this channel. /c foodcourt opened May 26, 2005, to separate the social aspect of /c trade (in other words, this is where all the chatter that people want to have in /trade should really go).
In-jokes and traditions: "Welcome to /c foodcourt. Where trading is forbidden, intelligence is mandatory, confusion is necessary, common sense is requested, and pants are optional," as the famous quote by So and So tells us. Many newcomers are welcomed to the channel with this quote, in /foodcourt also know as "the macro".
There is currently a movie, a video game, and a genealogy of /foodcourt in the works. This proves how important it is to the very fabric of The Kingdom. Many foodies, when asked a question about the game, will reply sarcastically or send the askee to newbie or here, the Wiki.
Veteran Foodies are notoriously bitchy when it comes to spelling, spamming, and stupidity. Transgressors will be eaten by Princess Sunshine.

haiku

In-game description:
Speak in haiku here,
and haiku only, mind you,
or you'll get banz0red.
Purpose of channel: Socializing entirely in haiku.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and the Most Extreme Haiku Challenge.
Moderated: Yes. This is arguably the most heavily modded channel.
About: Use forward slashes to insert line breaks in your posts in /haiku.
  • Example: "This is my haiku / I believe it's a good one / but I could be wrong."
Bragi originated the idea of this channel; it was created February 11, 2005.
In-jokes and traditions: Haikuers like to joke around about clam sex and make horrible puns. They often end haikus with the phrase, "under the covers" or "in between the sheets," and occasionally begin haikus with "hippopotamus." Many contests are also run here based around creating haikus within themes. Almost all of these themes originate from The Blues, a prominent Haiku clan.
Note: Most chat effects (besides the Gray Plague) will not have any effect in /haiku, else they would break the structure of the haikus.
See Also: The Haiku Dungeon

pvp

In-game description: This channel is for PvP discussion.
Purpose of channel: Socializing with other people in PvP and PvP-related discussion.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and having once broken your Hippy Stone.
Moderated: Yes. In theory.
About: For a chat channel that revolves around Player vs. Player combat, there is a sense of community in this channel that is hard to find in many others. Newcomers are welcome, but cautioned not to come in and spam or act like jackasses. The channel almost always has a mod (or 3), but is largely self-moderating. Having the hippy stone intact causes your font to be comic sans, and being on top of a hill turns it bold.
In-jokes and traditions: Please don't break your stone, come into the channel and announce "Attack me!" or "Anyone want to fight?" Yes, the channel is quiet a lot of the time -- its inhabitants like it that way.
See Also: PvP

valhalla

In-game description: This is a social channel for players who've ascended at least once.
Purpose of channel: Discussion and socializing related to Ascension.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and ascending into a higher plane.
Moderated: Yes.
About: "The difference between newbie and valhalla is that we've had a lot more practice being idiots. They're just beginners." This channel opened on June 8, 2005, with the unveiling of ascension.
In-jokes and traditions: The Gigantic Superfluous Fountain is unofficially owned by and partially located in here. This channel periodically transforms into a second /newbie when brand-new ascenders find their way in, resulting in a flood of asshattery and complaints from established members. Regulars enjoy quoting lines from Tourette's Guy as well as poking fun at a particular version of a not-safe-for-work O RLY owl.

hardcore

In-game description: This is a channel to chat with other players who have completed at least one hardcore ascension.
Purpose of channel: For hardcore ascenders to talk amongst themselves.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and completing at least one hardcore ascension.
Moderated: Yes.
About: The hardcore channel is mostly devoted to discussion of strategy. This channel was added July 10, 2005.
In-jokes and traditions: It's well known that asking The RNG nicely (or not so much) for something in here can often get results; Any sort of chart or graph can be procured here, usually regarding hardcore run speed; This channel is also known for openly discussing spoilers; Also, it's frowned on to ask "stupid" questions, which are generally questions which don't require copious amounts of math to answer; Also, you must like math, long walks on the beach, and gazing at the stars.

veteran

In-game description: This is a social channel for players who've been here over a year.
Purpose of channel: Socializing for veteran players.
Access to channel is gained by: Having made an account a year ago, regardless of activity since.
Moderated: Yes.
In-jokes and traditions: /c veteran inhabitants enjoy speaking like generic old people. (Back in my day, we had to walk 15 miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways... just to relieve ourselves!) Bad spellers get lynched. Yukon posting music video links. Random instantaneous zombification occurs courtesy of blackhatluck. Despite the fact that more people gain access to veteran every day, it has consistently remained a close community. This was mainly due to the fact that new people tend to be scared off by the standard question asked upon entrance, "What are your views on Bukkake?" However, the moderators as a group decided that this question was too offensive and rude to incoming chatters. This led to the rise of many new "Welcome" messages. The original message is now referred to as "the question."

wizards

In-game description: This is the channel for those hanging around and chatting in Ye Wizard's Shack Game Shoppe.
Purpose of channel: Standard socializing about all things that have to do with Alice's Army.
Access to channel is gained by: Playing Alice's Army at Ye Wizard's Shack Game Shoppe in the Forest Village.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Mostly used for setting up AA matches, card trading/selling, strategy discussions, etc.

talkie

In-game description: You are chatting on walkie-talkie frequency %freq.
Purpose of channel: Communication between players using walkie-talkies.
Access to channel is gained by: Owning a walkie-talkie.
Moderated: No.
About: There are 100,000 frequencies, so it is possible to create private (but not invitation-only) channels for groups of players to converse, like /clan but without the need to be in the same clan.

twitch

In-game description: A channel for Twitch Events: http://twitch.tv/asym.
Purpose of channel: Communication between players during Twitch Livestream World Events and broadcasting chariot races.
Access to channel is gained by: A current running Twitch Livestream World Event.
Moderated: Yes.
About: Races are announced every half an hour by Biggus Announcus in chat.

HMC Radio

In-game description: None.
Purpose of channel: A read only channel that details pvp fights happening in the Kingdom.
Access to channel is gained by: Buying & using a Huggler Radio for 50 swagger from Jack's Swagger Shack and currently being in/listening to channel /pvp.
Moderated: N/A
About: This channel can be be tuned to show All fights in the Kingdom, just fights involving your Clannies, just fights involving your Friends (i.e. people on your Contact List), or just fights involving your Clannies & your Friends.

NOTE: As stated, this is a read only channel. If you attempt to type something in this channel, the text will show up in whatever channel you are actually in.

tundra

In-game description: Welcome to the Dogsled Races!
Purpose of channel: A read only channel that details dog races at the Sled Dog Race Track.
Access to channel is gained by: Access to The Glaciest.
Moderated: N/A
About: This channel can be be tuned to provide live commentary for dog races at the race track. Access to the channel is lost if you lose access to The Glaciest (e.g. if it was provided through a one-day ticket to The Glaciest).

NOTE: As stated, this is a read only channel. If you attempt to type something in this channel, the text will show up in whatever channel you are actually in.

crimbo

In-game description: Unknown
Purpose of channel: Communication between players during Crimbo 2023 and broadcasting news about the battle for Crimbo Town.
Access to channel is gained by: Access to Crimbo Town (2023).
Moderated: Yes.
About: Aside from being used for Crimbo discussions, various updates on the elf vs pirate war of the event were provided automatically:
  • On minutes ending in 1, provided a status update for one of the two combat zones (of five total) then-presently available at Crimbo Town 2023.
  • An additional message was displayed when a zone was conquered and a different location changed to combat.
  • Announced when a player used a Crimbuccaneer invasion map or Elf Guard strategic map, and announced when those effects ended.
  • No longer accessible as of January 18, 2024. Anything sent in the channel after that date (including chat commands) returns only:
"The mists have consumed your message."
  • See CBC Radio for a list of war update messages.

Exclusive Channels

clan

In-game description: This is a chat channel that only members of your clan can use.
Purpose of channel: Socializing with clanmates.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing The Altar of Literacy and being in a clan.
Moderated: No.
About: You can no longer be part of this channel without being in a clan. All players who joined this channel when not in a clan appeared to be in the same channel. This does not appear to be true anymore. You can, however, listen to /clan and are still able to speak there via normal listening means when you are not part of a clan.
See Also: Clan Ads

hobopolis

In-game description: This channel is for your clan to talk about the clan dungeon Hobopolis.
Purpose of channel: To help coordination of clanmates within Hobopolis.
Access to channel is gained by: Being in a clan with access to Hobopolis.
Moderated: No.
About: Players in this channel receive dungeon updates on significant events other clanmates accomplish.

slimetube

In-game description: This channel is for your clan to talk about the clan dungeon The Slime Tube.
Purpose of channel: To help coordination of clanmates within the Slime Tube.
Access to channel is gained by: Being in a clan with access to The Slime Tube.
Moderated: No.
About: Players in this channel receive dungeon updates on significant events other clanmates accomplish.

dread

In-game description: A channel for Dreadsylvanian explorers.
Purpose of channel: To help coordination of clanmates within Dreadsylvania.
Access to channel is gained by: Being in a clan with access to Dreadsylvania.
Moderated: No?
About: Players in this channel receive dungeon updates on significant events other clanmates accomplish.

hauntedhouse

In-game description: Haunted Sorority House clan dungeon channel
Purpose of channel: To help coordination of clanmates within the Haunted Sorority House.
Access to channel is gained by: Being in a clan with access to The Haunted Sorority House.
Moderated: No.
About: Players in this channel receive dungeon updates on significant events other clanmates accomplish.

villa

In-game description: This is Don Pygoscelis' villa.
Purpose of channel: General socializing, scheming and similar stuff.
Access to channel is gained by: Completing the The Altar of Literacy quest and using a 'Villa' document.
Moderated: Yes.
About: This channel was created in an attempt to sink large amount of bugmeat out of the system after Black Sunday.

mod

In-game description: This is a channel for chat and forum moderators.
Purpose of channel: Socializing and discussion among moderators.
Access to channel is gained by: Being a Moderator in the Chat or in the Official Forums.
Moderated: No.

dev

In-game description: An inoffensive gathering of sophisticates
Purpose of channel: Development and testing discussion.
Access to channel is gained by: Belonging to the team that tests on the development server.
Moderated: No.

harem

In-game description: Welcome to Skully's den of iniquity.
Purpose of channel: For Mr Skullhead and his friends.
Access to channel is gained by: Being invited in by Mr Skullhead. There may be an age limit.
Moderated: No.

lounge

(a.k.a. the channel that does not exist)
In-game description: The wheels on the bus go lounge and lounge.
Purpose of channel: Not existing. And possibly similar activities.
Access to channel is gained by: Invitation by Jick. It is sometimes joked that you must kill the hermit in the Super-Secret Quest or do the Ultra Literacy Quest in order to gain access.
Moderated: No.
About: Although some claim this channel is fictional, it does indeed exist. One can even occasionally see well-known people in /lounge when performing a /whois on them in chat.
Chat Guide
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