Caveman frat boy

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Caveman frat boy
Monster ID 451
Locations The Orcish Frat House (Bombed Back to the Stone Age)
Hit Points 290
Attack 235
Defense 225
No-Hit 245
Initiative 20
Meat 40-60
Phylum orc
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
chunk of rock salt, ovoid leather thing, stone baseball cap
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
caveman frat boy You're fighting a caveman frat boy

Unlike modern frat boys, this knuckle-dragging, simple-minded creature is only interested in food, sex, and beating the crap out of anything smaller than itself. Huh.

Unlike modern frat boys, this creature has a monosyllabic vocabulary. Huh.

Unlike modern frat boys, this creature doesn't drink beer, because it hasn't discovered how to ferment hops yet. There you go.

Hit Message(s):

It smashes you with one gigantic fist. He will hit you with his fist. Ouch! Oof! Argh!

It smacks you upside the sandwich with its club. And by "sandwich," I mean "<calf>." Ooh! Ugh! Ugh!

It smashes its club into your hindquarters. It's like being frat-paddled, only with more compression fractures. Oof! Ugh! Ow!

It headbutts you with its protruding forehead. You wish you had a prosthetic forehead to absorb the blow. Ouch! Oof! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

It raises its club high over its head and brings it smashing down on top of your head. Tiny tweeting birds appear and circle your bruised noggin', along with a couple of brightly-colored stars. Argh! Ugh! Ooh! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to smash you with a fist, but you dodge.

It tries to smack you with its club, but you wouldn't be hit by any club that would have you as a member.

It tries to smash its club into your hindquarters, but you get you haul ass out of the way.

It tries to headbutt you, but it's a lousy headbutter. You'd butter believe it!

Fumble Message:

It raises its club high above its head, but you take this opportunity to tickle its ribs. It drops the club on its head, knocking itself out for a few minutes. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 40-60 Meat
Rocksalt.gifYou acquire an item: chunk of rock salt (19.6 chance)*
Football.gifYou acquire an item: ovoid leather thing (23.4% chance)*
Stonecap.gifYou acquire an item: stone baseball cap (9.7% chance)*
You gain 66 <substat>.

Occurs at The Orcish Frat House (Bombed Back to the Stone Age)

References

  • The miss message "you wouldn't be hit by any club that would have you as a member" hints of Groucho Marx's quote, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
  • The hit message "He will hit you with his fist" is likely a reference to the DC comic "Hitman", whose 5th issue introduced the character Nightfist with the phrase "He will hit you with his fist!"
  • The hit message referencing a prosthetic forehead is almost certainly a reference to the They Might Be Giants song "We Want A Rock", as well as a reference to the Angry Goat's familiar equipment (which references the same song).