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Accordions are the favored weapon of the Accordion Thief. They are ranged weapons. Okay, not all ATs use them for combat, but most AT combat skills need one to be equipped, and no AT buff songs can be used without one in the inventory.

Accordion-Specific Hit Messages:

You belt out a tune on your accordion. <It> winces, suffering X damage. BOINK! BOOF! BONK!
You play a song on the accordion. Your opponent tries to cover <its> ears, but accidentally bangs <its> elbow, suffering X damage. BIFF! KAPOW! BOINK!
You play a song on your accordion. The resonant frequencies deal X to your opponent. It's the resonant frequencies, not the quality of your playing. Honest. WHACK! BARF! BIFF!
You play a tune on your accordion, dealing X damage to your opponent's eardrums. KERBLAM! BARF! BOOF!
Your legendary accordion skills prove too much for <it> to handle, and <it> suffers X damage. KERBLAM! WHACK! SMACK!

Most accordions are considered "stolen", regardless of how you obtained them. Trying to equip any stolen accordion (including the weapon of the same name) as any class other than Accordion Thief fails with the message:

You can't equip that accordion -- it's not yours!

You also can't sing Accordion Thief buff songs with a stolen accordion, unless you are an Accordion Thief.

The following accordions are not considered stolen:

1-handed accordions cannot be dual-wielded:

You can't equip an accordion in your off-hand.

Nor can they be equipped by a Disembodied Hand:

Your Disembodied Hand isn't willing to play pilfered goods.

Accordions do not actually need to be equipped to sing the noncombat buff songs; they just need to be in your inventory.

Table of Accordions

Accordion Stolen From Song Duration 1h/2h Enchantment Cadenza Effect
accord ion hellion 10 1-hand +5 Hot Damage 13-15 and 13-15 Hot Damage on the initial round. 7-9 Hot Damage on the subsequent round.
accordion file Knob Goblin Accountant 10 2-hand Regen 2-4 MP per adv 4-5 damage on initial round, and all subsequent rounds.
Accordion of Jordion 1335 HaXx0r 14 2-hand +5% Item Drops and +10% Meat Gain 30-40 Meat
accordionoid rocca Drab Bard 18 2-hand Damage Reduction: 10 (First Hit Only) 35-45 damage and staggers
Aerogel accordion none 10 1-hand +20 Moxie and +40 Max HP 48 damage and staggers
Antique accordion none 10 2-hand none 13-15 damage
alarm accordion alert mariachi 20 2-hand +20% Initiative and +3 adv/day Gain 5-10 MP
autocalliope Steampunk Giant 15 2-hand +2 Prismatic Damage 14-15 damage on initial round, and all subsequent rounds.
Bal-musette accordion Depressing French accordionist 10 2-hand +4 PvP fights/day 18-20 damage and delevels 6-8
baritone accordion bar 7 2-hand Regen 2-4 HP per adv Gain 3-4 HP and MP
beer-battered accordion drunken half-orc hobo or hung-over half-orc hobo 6 2-hand +2 Sleaze Damage 8-10 Sleaze Damage
bone bandoneon toothy sklelton 11 2-hand +7 Spooky Damage 35-40 Spooky Damage
Cajun accordion Lively Cajun accordionist 10 2-hand +15 Max HP/MP 30-40 Hot Damage. Continues for 3 more rounds after the first. Damage is reduced by 40% each round (rounding down).
calavera concertina none 7 2-hand +3 Moxie 15-20 Spooky Damage
ghost accordion skeletal sommelier 16 2-hand +5 Spooky Damage and +15% Booze drops 60-80 Spooky Damage
guancertina perpendicular bat 9 2-hand +4 Stench Damage 13-15 Stench Damage
mama's squeezebox werecougar 8 2-hand +3 Moxie 18-20 Sleaze Damage
non-Euclidean non-accordion cubist bull 15 2-hand +15% Initiative Delevels 23 and staggers
paraffin pseudoaccordion none 5 1-hand +2 Moxie Stat(s) Per Fight, +10 Spooky Damage and Special Attack: Paraffin Prism 48 damage and staggers
peace accordion War Hippy (space) cadet 19 2-hand +12 Stench Damage Gain 50-60 HP
pentatonic accordion Ninja Snowman (Chopsticks) 12 2-hand +9 Cold Damage 18-20 Cold Damage and delevels 8-10
pygmy concertinette drunk pygmy 17 1-hand +10 Weapon Damage Delevels 15%
quirky accordion Quirky indie-rock accordionist 10 2-hand +5 Monster Level 2-3 Prismatic Damage
Rock and Roll Legend none 10 2-hand +7 Moxie Gain 13-15 HP
Shakespeare's Sister's Accordion none 15 1-hand -1 MP to use Skills, +5 Smithsness, Moxie+X% (+% to Moxie Based on Smithsness), Has a cool Cadenza, (Bonus for Accordion Thieves only) Staggers, 30-35 Cold Damage, and gain 4-5 HP and MP
Skipper's accordion none 10 2-hand +10% Pickpocket Chance and +15% Moxie 25-30 damage and delevels 18-20
Squeezebox of the Ages none 15 2-hand Moxie +11 and +15 Bonus Ranged Damage 20-30 damage and restore 18-20 HP
stolen accordion none 5 2-hand none Gain 4-5 HP
The Trickster's Trikitixa none 20 2-hand +15 Moxie, +23 Ranged Damage, +11% Item Drops and Special Attack: Extreme High Note 80-100 damage and delevels 18-20
toy accordion none 5 2-hand none 3-5 damage
warbear exhaust manifold none 10 2-hand +10 Stench Damage 30-35 Stench Damage
zombie accordion none 20 1-hand +50 Ranged Damage, +5% Item Drops and Keep 1 additional song in your head 120-150 Spooky Damage and staggers