Candied Yam Golem

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Candied Yam Golem
Monster ID 317
Locations Appears about every 30 adventures on Feast of Boris
Hit Points 75% of Player HP
Attack Player's Buffed Moxie - 3
Defense Player's Buffed Muscle - 3
Initiative 100
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, marshmallow, torso
Drops
yam candy (below level 5), candied yams (level 5 and above)
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Candied Yam Golem You're fighting a Candied Yam Golem

I yam what I yam, and so is this golem. It's the most fearsome tuber you've ever seen -- a gargantuan mass of syrupy yams, topped with a crusty mini-marshmallow toupee. It looks hot, sticky and sweet from its head down to its feet.

Hit Message(s):

It gums your eyes shut with its mini-marshmallows. You lose several eyelashes getting 'em back open. Oof! Oof! Argh!

It shoots a geyser of syrup at you. You fall beneath the onslaught and bang your <neck> on a rock. Ooh! Ooh! Argh!

It sticks one fist onto your <neck>, one onto your <leg>, and pulls. Yeow. Ouch! Ouch! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

It bludgeons you mercilessly with its cute little marshmallow hat. Ooh! Ouch! Eek! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to get mini-marshmallow all over you, but you threaten it with a mini-campfire.

It shoots a geyser of syrup at you, but you beat feet.

It smashes a fist into your <arm>, but it falls apart without doing any damage. Er, the fist falls apart, not your <calf>.

Fumble Message:

It starts to charge at you, but you say "Karen Finley" and it shudders in terror. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Casserole.gifYou acquire an item: yam candy
Casserole.gifYou acquire an item: candied yams
You gain some <substat>.

Occurs at random locations during the Feast of Boris.

Notes

  • Originally was a very weak monster, yielding only 1 substat point, but now scales to your level.
  • Yam candy will only drop for characters below level 5, and candied yams will only drop for those at or above level 5. Avatars of Boris will receive yam candy no matter their level.
  • This monster cannot be copied.

References

  • The first sentence, "I yam what I yam..." refers to a famous quote by Popeye, in which he declares, in his odd way of speaking, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am!" Each instance of "am" sounds rather like the pronunciation of "yam."
  • "I am what I am" is also a gay anthem from the musical of La Cage aux Folles, most famously recorded by Gloria Gaynor.
  • The last sentence, regarding hot, sticky, sweetness (down to its feet) is a reference to the song "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard, from their 1987 album Hysteria which contains the lyrics "I'm hot, sticky sweet / From my head to my feet, yeah".
  • Karen Finley, mentioned in the fumble message, is an infamous performance artist who once mooned an audience with mashed yams stuffed up her butt.