Bulky Buddy Box (familiar)

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Familiar number: 78
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Bulky Buddy Box
Bulky Buddy Box will not threaten to stab you. (The cake is a lie.)

Is your only friend

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Ability: Sits motionless, does nothing.

Throne/Bjorn: So-So Resistance to All Elements

Hatchling: Bulky Buddy Box

Familiar-Specific Equipment: pet rock "Groucho" disguise, pet rock "Snooty" disguise

	Ultimate Cage Match	Scavenger Hunt	Obstacle Course	Hide and Seek

Mumming Trunk Abilities:

+15% Meat Drop	4-5 MP	+3 Muscle statgain	+15% Item Drop	+3 Mysticality statgain	18-20HP	+2 Moxie statgain
*Hover for details

Cannot breathe underwater

Combat Messages

• Regular messages:

  <name> sits motionless.

• Enthroned in the Crown of Thrones:

  <name> gives you a big slice of delicious cake.

• Bjornified in the Buddy Bjorn:

  <name> cannot hug you without arms, but it's the thought that counts.

• With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:

  <name> sits motionless.

• With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:

  <name> sits motionless.

• With wax lips equipped:

  <name> sits motionless.

Arena Messages

• When entered in any event:

  Since the Arena doesn't have a "sitting motionless, doing absolutely nothing" event, there's probably no point in allowing your Bulky Buddy Box to compete.

Notes

• This familiar is functionally identical to the Pet Rock. This means that it is completely useless, except for entertainment and trophy purposes.
• When it is your active familiar, the Bulky Buddy Box will sometimes whisper messages to you while you are in chat. The messages that could appear are:

You've wanted to rob that bank for a long time. Why don't you do it?

I have cake for you, you know. It's so delicious and moist.

You are weak.

Your heart will explode.

Your friends will abandon you.

You will betray your friends.

They're everywhere. They're laughing at you.

Death is close.

Your courage will fail.

You Will Die.

You would never drop me into an incinerator, would you?

The next time you're not looking, I'm going to shank you.

Assume the Party Escort Submission now, or you will miss the party.

That thing you picked up is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.

References

• This familiar is based on the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube, a "character" that appears in the first-person action/puzzle video game Portal. It's rife with other references to Portal as well:
  • The line about the cake being a lie is also a reference to Portal. GLaDOS, the narrating computer, tells you there is "delicious and moist" cake when you finish the game. Clues throughout the game, in the form of writing scrawled on walls and audio clues, suggest that "the cake is a lie."
    • The "Party Escort Submission" line is also a reference to this running "joke." In the final level, you find out that the cake would not have been a lie, as "You will be baked[, and then there will be] cake" (the part in brackets is supposed to be lost in static in the actual game). When you manage to remove yourself from the incinerator, GLaDOS congratulates you, and then instructs you to drop the Portal gun to be retrieved by a reclamation team and "Assume the Party Escort Submission Position" so that you can be escorted to the party (which, of course, is the real lie).
  • In the course of the game, GLaDOS says "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact cannot speak. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.", which explains the negative connotations of the lines above.
  • The line "You would never drop me into an incinerator, would you?" refers to the end of your time with the Weighted Companion Cube in Portal, in which GLaDOS forces you to dispose of the cube by dropping it into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.
  • After something falls out of her that she cannot identify, GLaDOS, urging you not to touch it, tells you that the unknown object is "probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it," hence the similar message from the Buddy Box.
• The lines "You are weak.", "You will die.", "Your heart will explode." "Your friends will abandon you.", and "You will betray your friends." are references to whispers sent to you by C'thun, a boss in the game World of Warcraft.