Brutus, the toga-clad lout

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Brutus, the toga-clad lout
Monster ID 518
Locations The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hit Points 280
Attack 200
Defense 180
No-Hit 210
Initiative 60
Meat 200-300
Phylum orc
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
beer helmet, kick-ass kicks, wreath of laurels, white class ring
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Brutus, the toga-clad lout You're fighting a Brutus, the toga-clad lout

This frat boy is a little confused about the way time works, and seems to think he's a Senator in Ancient Rome. This is one of the many perils of killing brain cells with beer and crappy music. He's dressed in a toga, a plastic laurel wreath, and has a mouth full of mashed potatoes, for some reason. He charges at you, screaming "Toga! Toga! Toga!"

Hit Message(s):

He smashes his palms into his cheeks and sprays mashed potatoes all over you. Ew. Oof! Oof! Eek! Eek! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

He says, "my advice to you is to start drinking heavily," and forces you to do six beer-bongs full of cheap beer. Oof! Ugh! Ow! Eek! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

He opens his toga, revealing furry, flabby nudity. Argh! Argh! Ugh! Ugh! Ow! (sleaze damage)

He shotguns a beer and crushes the can on your head. Ooh! Ugh! Ouch! Argh! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He pulls out a dagger, says "I've got an idea," marches over to you, and stabs you over and over. Man, beware the ideas of march.

Miss Message(s):

He spits mashed potatoes at you, but you dodge.

He starts to open his toga, but you avert your eyes.

He starts to pummel you, but gets distracted by a hot co-ed walking by.

He downs another beer, sways, staggers forward, belches, throws up a little, spits, downs another beer, steps back to pee, sways, looks at you blearily...

Fumble Message:

He shotguns a beer, crushes the can on his forehead, and looks dazed for a minute. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*
Rankring3.gifYou acquire an item: white class ring (??% chance)*
Laurels.gifYou acquire an item: wreath of laurels (100% chance)*
Beerhelmet.gifYou acquire an item: beer helmet (??% chance)*
Kicks.gifYou acquire an item: kick-ass kicks (??% chance)*
You gain 48-50? <substat>.

Occurs in The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues).

Notes

  • This monster cannot be copied.
  • Occurs between 701 and 800 frat casualties, if at all.

References

  • "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily" and "Toga! Toga! Toga!" are quotes from Bluto in the film Animal House.
  • The attack messages where Brutus spits potatoes, as well as the miss message that mentions Brutus taking a pee, are also references to the film Animal House. The potatoes refer to when Bluto starts a food fight by stuffing his mouth full of potatoes, then punching his bulging cheeks, spitting the potatoes on a pair of Omegas, all as part of an impression of a zit. The miss message refers to the scene near the beginning of the movie where Larry Kroger and Kent Dorfman approach Bluto from behind as he is taking a leak. As they try to get his attention, he turns around, inadvertently peeing on their legs.
  • "...seems to think he's a Senator in Ancient Rome" refers to the famous senatorial dynasty of Ancient Rome which began with Lucius Junius Brutus, who led the rebellion against the Kings and established the Republic (509 B.C.) and ended with his descendant Marcus Junius Brutus, who led the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44 B.C.
  • The name of this monster comes from Popeye, whose antagonist Bluto was renamed Brutus briefly due to a confusion over copyright.
  • The critical hit message is a reference to Shakespeare's Play Julius Caesar, in which an oracle famously warns Caesar to "Beware the Ides of March" when Brutus et al assassinate him with daggers.