Bronze Chef

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Bronze Chef
Monster ID 604
Locations The Sorceress' Tower (The Stairs)
Hit Points 99999
Attack 99999
Defense 89999
No-Hit 100009
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Bronze Chef You're fighting a Bronze Chef

If memory serves me correctly, this gigantic aproned automaton was constructed to be King Ralph's personal chef. It was programmed with knowledge of all major world cuisines, and could create delicious gourmet meals out of any ingredient that the King requested. I couldn't tell you how the Naughty Sorceress got her hands on it, but one thing's clear: today's theme ingredient is... you! The heat will be on!

Hit Message(s):

It whips up a batch of adventurer-<calf> ice cream. The tasters are dubious, but it turns out to be quite well-received. Ugh! Ouch! Ow! Oof! Eek! Eek! Ooh! Eek! Ouch! Oof!

It soufflés the hell out of you. The commentators are very impressed by its technique. Eek! Oof! Oof! Ouch! Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Ow! Eek! Eek!

You dodge out of the Bronze Chef's way, and toss it the container of leftovers. Gears clicking, it inspects them for a moment, then turns to its stove and prepares a five-course dinner using the leftovers as the main ingredient. Unfortunately, the panel of judges declare the food to be uniformly inedible (particularly the ice cream), and the chef is forced to honorably disembowel itself with a can-opener.
You gain 40 <substat>.

Occurred at The Sorceress' Tower (The Stairs).


  • This monster's combat weakness was the leftovers of indeterminate origin.
  • If you lose, you would receive a hint as to which item to use.
    • First hint:Dang, man. That thing is some kind of cooking machine.
    • Second hint: Maybe there's some way to hoist it by its own petard.
    • Third hint: Perhaps you could trick it into cooking something no one would want to eat.
    • Fourth hint: There must be some sort of disgusting, unrecognizable food-garbage you could use against it.
    • Fifth hint: Maybe some leftovers from the Haunted Kitchen would do the trick.


  • The monster is a reference to the Japanese TV show Iron Chef, in which chefs would create dishes using a special ingredient, such as sablefish, octopus, or beets. The initial description phrases "If memory serves me correctly" and "The heat will be on!" were standard parts of the introductions to each episode.
  • The repeated references to ice cream may refer to the Iron Chef's chronic difficulty in making dessert dishes from main-course ingredients, particularly Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai's cod soft roe ice cream, which was, according to Wikipedia, "pronounced inedible by the panel."
  • "To honorably disembowel itself with a can-opener" is a reference to disembowelment, a Japanese traditional method of ending one's life after defeat.