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Monster ID 34
Locations Tower Ruins
Hit Points 9
Attack 18
Defense 16
No-Hit 28
Initiative 60
Meat 29-43
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts broom, head
disembodied brain
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Brainsweeper You're fighting a Brainsweeper

This is a disembodied brain used to control a set of brooms. Why? For Science!

Hit Message(s):

It swings a broom at you and lodges a set of bristles deep in your <foot>. Ow! Ow!

It leaps at you and gives you a deep exfoliation with its bristles. Like, down to the bone. Ow! Ouch!

It smacks you upside the head with one of its brooms. Looks like your night is colored headache gray. Ooh! Oof!

It sweeps the floor with you. It's a lot like mopping the floor with you, but decidedly more gritty and scratchy. Ooh! Ugh! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

It leaps (somehow) in the air and lands on you, viciously scouring your foot with all three brooms. Broomlay, broomlay, broomlay, broom. Eek! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

It swings a broom at you, but you jump over it. Unfortunately, that means you're now married to the brainsweeper.

It leaps at you and swings its bristles, but then gets distracted by the dusty floor.

It tries to smack you with a broom, but loses its balance. Why do scientist always build three-legged monsters? They're just not stable.

It tries to sweep the floor with you, but you inform it that you are not its broom.

Fumble Message:

It leaps in the air to hit you with all three sets of bristles, but lands short, falls over, and cracks the dome of its disembodied brain. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 29-43 Meat (average: 36, stdev: 3.24)*
Brain.gifYou acquire an item: disembodied brain (30.9% chance)*
You gain 3-4 <substat>.

Occurs at Tower Ruins.


  • Slaves in the American south could not legally marry, but a tradition developed whereby the couple would jump over a decorated broom together in a ceremonial union; recently some African-Americans have begun incorporating "jumping the broom" into their wedding ceremonies. There is also some argument that suggests this practice originated in Africa (or is at least based on African tribal ritual), rather than the southern US.
  • On a related note, "Broomlay, broomlay, broomlay, broom" strongly resembles a line from Vachel Lindsay's famous poem "The Congo."
  • I am not your broom is a They Might Be Giants song, from the album No!.
  • For Science is the name of another song by They Might Be Giants.
  • "... night is colored headache gray" is a lyric from the R.E.M song Daysleeper (which sounds vaguely like "Brainsweeper").
  • "For science!" is also a popular catchphrase on an internet forum, Something Awful, to which Jick belongs.
  • "Why do scientists always build three-legged monsters? They're just not stable." is likely an ironic reference to the structural stability of tripods.