Blockin' Out the Scenery
You sneakily, stealthily, unobtrusively, covertly sneak your way into the hippy camp. Exhausted from carrying all those adverbs around, you take a deep breath, lean back against a nearby pole, and rest for a minute. When you stand back up, you see that the pole you were leaning on is really a signpost, and the sign on top of it is some kind of directory for the hippy camp. You see a star that says "You Are Here (But Where's Your HEAD, Man?)" and near it three different buildings. Toward which one would you like to head?
|The Chill-Out Yurt|
You step into the yurt marked as the "Chill-Out Yurt" on the map. You see a lot of cushions on the floor, a few glass "sculptures," and lots of trippy artwork on the walls. You cautiously step into the tent, and hear a strange bubbling noise. Before you can react, you're engulfed in thick white smoke. Oh no! Someone set up you a smoke bomb!
You start to panic, then inhale a little of the smoke, cough, and feel a lot more relaxed. Apparently it wasn't a bomb at all -- just the normal herbal smoke you get whenever a funk of hippies have too much time on their hands.
You spend the next few hours communing with the mystic (which is a fancy way of saying "staring at your hands"). When the effect wears off, you continue on your way, but you feel much more in tune with magic than you did when you started. The magic? The magics? The magicks? Whatever.
|You gain 50 Mysteriousness.|
|The Rations Yurt|
You sneak into the yurt where the hippies keep all of their rations. This time, though, you're not out to sabotage, but to pilfer. Or purloin, if that works better for you. You fashion a rationale for grabbing their rations, even though you don't have a passion for the food itself. Anything that hurts the hippy army is good for your side, right?
You grab some organic, cruelty-free food and drink, then make like a drum and beat it. Or make like what you do at a drum circle, and leave. Let's hope none of the frat brothers see you with this stuff -- you won't be able to sit down for a week. And they'll probably paddle you, too.
|You acquire an item: cruelty-free wine|
|You acquire an item: handful of walnuts|
|You acquire an item: Genalen™ Bottle|
|You acquire an item: mixed wildflower greens|
|You acquire an item: thistle wine|
Until July 10, 2007, this adventure was unfinished, instead giving:
|You acquire an item: seal-clubbing club|
|The H.A.S.H. Yurt|
You sneak into the H.A.S.H. (Hippy Army Surgical Hospital) Yurt, hoping to hear some wacky surgeons making jokes in order to withstand the horrors of war, but instead you see a hippy lying in a hospital bed, tossing and turning and moaning. As you come closer, he says:
"Dude, Peaceflower, is that you? I can't see you... come into the light. Man, I never thought the war was going to be like this, man... you wouldn't believe where I have bruises from those paddles. Those guys -- they don't understand anything about peace and love, man."
He has a coughing fit, then sits bolt upright. "I can see the light, Peaceflower! It's so beautiful... all my friends are there, man... they want me to go join them."
"No!" you say, before you're aware you're saying anything. "Go away from the light, man! It's not your time!"
"Hey, woah," he says, his eyes focusing. You aren't Peaceflower. You're a frat boy! Stay away from me, man!"
You guiltily sneak back out before he raises the alarm. You didn't realize the raw truth of this war. Then you start thinking about "raw war," and feel vaguely palindromic.
|The Lookout Tower|
You walk up to the Lookout Tower, which looks exactly like you'd expect something built by amateurs under the influence of psychotropic drugs would look -- huge, imposing, poorly designed, and not particularly sturdy. It's built with bamboo shoots lashed together with hemp rope, and is swaying visibly even though there's no breeze tonight.
You make your way up a rope ladder to the top, hoping the hippies have left some vital bit of intelligence lying around that you can bring back to the frat boys and save your ass (both literally and metaphorically). As you pull yourself up onto the platform at the top of the tower, the structure groans beneath you. You wonder if you'll be able to miss the ground if you fall, but as you glance over your shoulder, it looks disconcertingly solid and ubiquitous (look it up).
You see a giant map of the Mysterious Island rolled out on the top of the platform. It shows the Hippy Camp, Orcish Frathouse, and the Pirate's Cove, but other than that it doesn't look at all familiar. The map is far more detailed than any map you've seen of the island -- apparently, there are far more than three little settlements on the land mass.
As you mentally copy the map to draw it out later, you hear a scurrying in the darkness behind you. You spin around and see a ferret perched on the edge of the tower, looking down toward the ground below. You edge toward it as the tower sways back and forth, whispering "hey, little guy. You shouldn't be so close to the edge. Why don't you come here?" in what you hope is a reassuring tone. The ferret blinks at you, wrings its little front paws, then speaks!
"I can't -- I just can't stand it anymore," he says. "I'm a ferret, okay? I know from stench. I have glands on my body that secrete foul-smelling fluid. But these hippies -- do they have any idea how bad they smell? And they're always picking me up, touching me, putting me in the pockets of their filthy, filthy pants... I just can't stand being around them anymore. Even shiny objects don't distract me the way they used to. I'm going to end it all. Goodbye, cruel world!"
And with that, the ferret leaps off of the tower. You hear a thump on the ground below, and rush over to the edge. A funk of hippies has already gathered around the body of the ferret, and one looks up and sees you. "It's a frat boy!" he shouts. "Some frat boy killed my ferret!" The hippies all glare up at you, their normal amiability turning to pure, abject hatred.
You sneak down the back of the tower and barely make it out of the hippy camp. Apparently you can knock down hippies, light them on fire, douse them with soapy water, and steal their clothes and food, but animal cruelty is where they draw the line.
And the line, it would seem, must be drawn here. Begun, this frat war has.
Occurs at The Hippy Camp (Verge of War).
- The third choice will be "The H.A.S.H. Yurt" if you're wearing the Frat Boy Ensemble. If you're wearing the Frat Warrior Fatigues, it will be "The Lookout Tower."
- Choosing "The Lookout Tower" starts the Hippy/Frat Boy war for the Mysterious Island Quest.
- You will receive at least 2 of the items listed when selecting the Rations Hut adventure.
- "Ubiquitous (look it up)": Ubiquitous -- (adj.) "existing or being everywhere."
- One of the possible third options, "The H.A.S.H Yurt," is a reference to the TV show M*A*S*H, and possibly the psychoactive drug hashish.
- The name of this adventure, apropos of its content, is a reference to Five Man Electrical Band's song "Signs", which features themes and content relevant, in a broad sense, to hippy culture and attitudes; the song's lyrics read, in part, as follows: "Sign, sign, everywhere a sign / Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind / 'Do this!' 'Don't do that!' 'Can't you read the sign?'"
- "Someone set up you a smoke bomb" is a reference to the Engrish found in the game Zero Wing, which was also the source of the most overused internet meme in existence: All Your Base.
- The part about falling and missing the ground is a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference, as a method of being able to fly unaided.
- The ferret committing suicide due to the stench is a reference to the Onion article here.
- "The line must be drawn here" is a quote by Captain Jean-Luc Picard from the movie Star Trek: First Contact.
- "Begun, this frat war has" is a reference to Yoda's line "Begun, this clone war has," at the end of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.
- The line "Exhausted from carrying all those adverbs around" could be a nod to School House Rock's "Unpack Your Adjectives."
|The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) Choice Adventures|
|Bait and Switch||Blockin' Out the Scenery||The Thin Tie-Dyed Line|
|Take the bait and go wreak havoc||gain 50 Beefiness||The Chill-Out Yurt||gain 50 Magicalness||The Munitions Yurt||2-5 water pipe bombs|
|Gaffle some bait for later||2-5 handfuls of ferret bait||The Rations Yurt||cruelty-free wine, handful of walnuts, Genalen™ Bottle, mixed wildflower greens, thistle wine||The Rations Yurt||gain 50 Sarcasm|
|Wake the cadet up and fight him||fight a War Hippy (space) cadet||(The Lookout Tower / The H.A.S.H. Yurt)||(start the war / nothing)||The Barracks Yurt||Fight a War Hippy drill sergeant|