Black Crayon Man

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Black Crayon Man
Monster ID 1186
Locations Anywhere, with an Artistic Goth Kid equipped (after fighting a dude-type monster)
Hit Points 75% of Defense
Attack Moxie (cap at 10 000)
Defense Muscle (cap at 10 000)
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
crayon shavings
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Black Crayon Man You're fighting a Black Crayon Man

This is a grotesque parody of a man, a parody more true than the original it lampoons, for it points out the true absurdity of life. Its asymmetric limbs and apathetic smear of a mouth hint at the horrors that lurk behind every empty visage you meet. It lurches at you, gurgling, bemoaning the dark miasma of its tortured existence.

It'd also be a good name for a superhero.

Hit Message(s):

He headbutts you with his football-shaped head. Oof! Eek! Oof! Argh!

He smears some living crayon across your mouth and nose, making you hyperventilate and pass out. Ouch! Argh! Ooh!

He smacks you with a waxy arm, leaving a bruise covered in black crayon. Oof! Argh! Ooh! Argh!

He kicks you with the longer of his asymmetric legs. At least he didn't use his third leg. Ooh! Ouch! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He runs an iron over one arm, turning it into a thick club with a gnarled ball at the end. Then he pounds you with it until you see stars. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to headbutt you with his football-shaped head, but a girl runs up and pulls it out of your way at the last moment.

He tries to smack you with a waxy arm, but it was drawn too short to hit you.

He says, "I'm not really depressed and full of existential ennui. I'm just drawn that way!" and frowns.

He tries to kick you with the shorter of his asymmetric legs, but it's too short to connect.

Fumble Message:

You make a noise like a hair dryer, which scares him enough to back off for a second. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Crayonshavings.gifYou acquire an item: crayon shavings (100.0% chance)*

Occurs anywhere, with Artistic Goth Kid equipped (after fighting a dude-type monster)