Black Crayon Golem
|Black Crayon Golem|
|Locations||Anywhere, with an Artistic Goth Kid equipped (after fighting a construct-type monster)|
|Hit Points||75% of Defense|
|Attack||Moxie (cap at 10 000)|
|Defense||Muscle (cap at 10 000)|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
This is a soulless automaton, like all of the sheeple mindlessly following fashion trends and conforming to advertiser's ideas of what's cool. However, it's animated not by the emptiness of a consumer-driven life, but by a murderous urge to purge the world of all the phonies and jocks.
And let's be clear; it's not a golem made out of a bunch of black crayons. It's a magically-animated black crayon drawing of a golem. I'm sure your mundane mind has trouble wrapping itself around that, huh?
It grabs you in its clumsy rudimentary arms and holds you captive while its black crayon eye-beams pierce every part of you that wasn't pierced already, and even the couple that were. Ouch! Eek! Ow!
It shoots black crayon beams out of its eyes and into your <giblets> Ugh! Ow! Ouch!.
It kicks you with a triangular leg, right in the triangle at the top of your legs. Yeowch! Argh! Argh! Eek! Eek! Argh! Eek!
It punches you with a giant rectangular arm. Can something punch you if it doesn't have fists? Whatever it does, it hurts.Eek! Ouch! Ow! Ouch! Eek! Argh!
It grabs you in its clumsy rudimentary arms and holds you captive while its black crayon eye-beams pierce every part of you that wasn't pierced already, and even the couple that were. (CRITICAL HIT!) Oof! Ow! Eek! Ouch! Ow! Oof!
It tries to headbutt you, but doesn't have a neck to snap its head back and forth.
It tries to punch you, but notices it doesn't have fists.
It shoots black crayon beams out of its eyes, but misses. You encourage it to go get laser eye surgery to calibrate them.
It headbutts you with its big square head. You wish it had offered you a big square meal instead.Oof! Ooh! Argh! Ugh! Ouch! Argh!
It tries to kick you with a triangular leg, but is too obtuse to connect.
It's so heavy that the bottoms of its legs start to melt and get slippery. It crashes to the ground, firing its eye-beams uselessly into the sky, reminding you of the futility of existence. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: crayon shavings (100.0% chance)*|