Big creepy spider

Big creepy spider
Monster ID	156
Locations	The Sleazy Back Alley
Hit Points	1
Attack	1
Defense	0
No-Hit	11
Initiative	40
Meat	4-6
Phylum	bug
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, leg
Drops spider web, spider web
Bounty	drop of filthy ichor
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a big creepy spider

In the Sleazy Back Alley, you are attacked by a big creepy spider. He promises not to kill you, but you're not sure you believe him.

Hit Message(s):

It spiderbites you in the <ear>. Man, get rid of spider. Ooh!

It does whatever a spider can, which in this case includes sinking its fangs into your <bung>. Ouch!

It encloses you in a web coccoon. You suffocate and come out feeling like an eighty-year-old who hangs out with Steve Guttenberg. Ooh!

It spears you with a venemous fang. Fangs a lot. Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

It spins a web (any size) and catches you just like a fly. Look out, here comes that spider, man. You writhe around trying to free yourself, and eventually fall to the ground. Twenty feet to the ground. Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to spiderbite you, but you tell it that it's your hero, and it's flattered.

It does whatever a spider can, which includes tripping over six of its legs and falling down.

It encloses you in a coccoon, but Steve Guttenberg saves you.

It tries to spear you with a venemous mandible, but you're immune to dactyl-based damage (look it up, I'm not your search engine).

Fumble Message:

It spins a web to ensnare you, but gets scared midway through and ends up spooling all of its web fiber onto the ground. Someone should make a hilarious cartoon along those lines. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 4-6 Meat (average: 5, stdev: 0.71)*

You acquire an item: spider web (25% chance)*

You acquire an item: spider web (25% chance)*

You acquire a bounty item: drop of filthy ichor

(X of 8 found)

You gain 1-3 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Sleazy Back Alley.

Notes

• A successful attack from this monster has a chance of poisoning you:

You are poisoned by the attack...

You acquire an effect: Hardly Poisoned at All (duration: 10 Adventures)

References

• This adventure is loaded with references to the They Might Be Giants song, "Spider"
  • The description text includes "I promise not to kill you."
  • One of the hit messages includes "Get rid of spider."
  • One of the miss messages includes "He is our hero."
• The combat and critical hit messages refer to the theme song for the 1960s Spider-Man cartoon, which begins with the words "Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can."
• The "cocoon" hit and miss messages refer to Steve Guttenberg's role in the movie Cocoon.
• The fumble message refers to The Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson about a spider that gets scared by another spider and spools all of its fiber on the ground, imitating humans wetting their pants.
• The line "look it up, I'm not your search engine", is often used by Lore Sjöberg on his site Brunching Shuttlecocks.
• One miss message refers to dactyls, being three-syllable words where the first syllable is stressed and the other two are unstressed, e.g. venomous or mandible. Now you don't have to look it up.