Battlesuit Bugbear Type
|Battlesuit Bugbear Type|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, laser, cannon|
Most alien invasions fail because advanced civilizations tend to have little common sense. They'll cross the vast emptiness of space in faster-than-light vehicles and then, for example, charge naked onto a planet where 60% of the surface is toxic to them.
So give the bugbears some credit for developing these powered robotic battle suits, and give them a hefty berth if you don't want to get stomped on, blown up, or shot.
It fires a missile at you, turning your <arm> into a sad, tiny crater. Ouch! Oof! Ow! Ow! Ouch!
It blasts you with its laser cannon. The laser cauterizes the wound, of course, but that's cold comfort. Eek! Ouch! Ooh! Ugh! Eek!
It fires a couple thousand rounds at you with a minigun. Fortunately, only about 20% of them hit you. Unfortunately, that's still plenty. Ow! Eek! Oof! Oof! Ooh!
It backhands you with a giant metal paw. The pilot's voice crackles through a speaker: "Who has noodly arms now, filthy human?" Oof! Eek! Ugh! Ooh! Eek!
The battlesuit unleashes hey deze at you, hitting you with a laser beam, a couple of missiles, several bullets, and a partridge in a pear tree. Ooh! Eek! Ooh! Ooh! Ouch!
It fires a missile at you, but you dismiss the missile.
It blasts you with its laser cannon, improving your vision significantly.
It fires a couple thousand rounds at you with a minigun, but every single shot misses. A computerized voice says, "calibrating targeting systems."
It swings at you with a giant metal paw, but it's a swing and a miss.
The suit stands motionless. A computerized voice says, "Bugbear OS 7 must restart to apply updates. Hope you weren't doing anything important." (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: BURT (100% chance)*|
- The intro text mentions an oft-repeated criticism of the plot of the sci-fi movie Signs.
- The fumble messages spoofs the Windows OS.