Bastille Battalion

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Placement for cheese wheel. Probably 11, or close to it

Bastille Battalion
Bastille Battalion

Walk Away

You decide not to play Bastille Battalion right now.


You open the hatch and crawl outside. The air smells good after so much time stewing in your own gamer-funk.

Occurs when using a Bastille Battalion control rig or Bastille Battalion control rig loaner voucher. Takes you to a control panel where you can play the mini-game Bastille Battalion. The objective of the mini-game is to collect cheese curds over a number of "matches" played against a random opposing castle. Each match consists of 2 building/collecting turns followed by a face-off turn.

After a full game of 5 matches or after losing a face-off, the game ends and you are given the opportunity to "lock-in" your score. You are allowed to play 5 games per day, but you can only "lock-in" your score once per day. If you ascend you are allowed another 5 games, but a score that you locked in before you ascended is discounted (whether or not you lock in a new score). Rewards will also be given after your first play-through, depending on the settings chosen.

The 4 selectors surrounding the main play area can be used to adjust your starting stats (as displayed on the dials at the bottom) and choose which rewards you get. The 6 stats are Military Attack (MA), Castle Attack (CA), Psychological Attack (PA), Military Defence (MD), Castle Defence (CD), and Psychological Defence (PD).

Barbican selector (upper left) Battalion Stats Results
Barbarian Barbecue +2 MA, MD 250 Mysticality substats
Babar +2 CA, CD 250 Muscle substats
Barbershop +2 PA, PD 250 Moxie substats

Drawbridge style selector (upper right) Battalion Stats Results Accessory (Disappears at Rollover)
Draftsman +2 MD, CD, PD Draftsman's driving gloves Mysticality +50%, Spell Damage +50%, +8 Adventure(s) per day when equipped, +4 Mysticality Stat(s) Per Fight
Art Nouveau +2 PA, +1 PD Nouveau nosering Moxie +50%, +25% Item Drops from Monsters, Maximum HP/MP +25, +4 Moxie Stat(s) Per Fight
Brutalist +1 MA, CA, PA Brutal brogues Muscle +50%, Weapon Damage +50%, +8 to Familiar Weight, +4 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight

Moat contents selector (lower left) Battalion Stats Results Potion - 1-Adventure Effect
Sharks +1 PA, MD sharkfin gumbo Shark-Tooth Grin - Boosts military attack and defense in Bastille Battalion.
Lava +1 MA, CD boiling broth Boiling Determination - Boosts castle attack and defense in Bastille Battalion.
Truth Serum +1 CA, PD interrogative elixir Enhanced Interrogation - Boosts psychological attack and defense in Bastille Battalion.

Murder hole selector (lower right) Battalion Stats Results Effect
Gesture +1 PA Bastille Braggadocio (100 turns) Moxie +25, +25% Combat Initiative, +25% Meat from Monsters
Cannon +1 MA Bastille Budgeteer (100 turns) Muscle +25, +10% chance of Critical Hit, Regenerate 10-20 HP per Adventure
Catapult +1 CA Bastille Bourgeoisie (100 turns) Mysticality +25, +10% Chance of Spell Critical Hit, Regenerate 5-10 MP per Adventure

High Score Rewards

Every day the top scorers get rewards based on their score:


  • If you attempt to play Bastille Battalion in Bad Moon, you are rejected with the following message:
You glance up at the moons and decide not to waste time playing video games.


  • Prior to August 5, 2018, you were only given rewards upon locking in your score, and settings reset between sessions. This was changed with the following system message:
System Message: Bastille Batalion will now give rewards on your first play and... maybe remember your settings from game to game.