Barrie Me at Sea

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Barrie Me at Sea
Barrie Me at Sea

As you wander through the crowds on the pier, you see a strange fight taking place on a nearby ship. A big, swarthy pirate is fighting what looks like a 12-year-old boy (or perhaps a 20-year-old woman with short hair). The big guy's dressed like a cross between a pirate and a drag queen -- bright red uniform with lace and frills spilling out of every seam. In place of one hand he has a fearsome-looking ladle. The kid's dressed entirely in green felt. Below them, in the water, a crocodile watches the fight with unnatural interest (well, unnatural for a crocodile, who are nature's own bored spectators).

It looks like the fight's been going on for ages. The kid turns to you and says, "hey, could I get a little help here? This guy's Captain Ladle, he's a full-grown pirate and I'm just a little kid."

The pirate turns to you and says, "No, help me! This kid's Sammy Skillet! He's a demon! He's got supernatural powers! He can fly through the air and summon a little glowing familiar!"

The crocodile turns to you and opens his huge mouth, crying crocodile tears. You try and figure out who needs your help most.

Help Sammy Skillet

You pull five meat out of your pocket and shout to the Captain Ladle: "Here, catch!" Since he can't catch with his ladle-hand, he instinctively drops his sword to catch the meat. Sammy Skillet leaps on him and knocks him over. Sammy perches on his chest and holds his little sword to the pirate's throat. He pulls the stuffed shoulder parrot off of Captain Ladle's shoulder and tosses it to you. "Thanks for the help, Mister!" he says.

Meat.gifYou lose 5 Meat.
Parrot.gifYou acquire an item: stuffed shoulder parrot

Help Captain Ladle

You pull a razor-sharp can lid from your pocket (even if you didn't have one in your inventory, you always have one in your pocket) and throw it towards Sammy Skillet. It nicks him on the arm and black blood oozes out. He turns to you, black goo oozing from his eyes, and screeches an unearthly screech. He vanishes, leaving behind nothing but the smell of brimstone. Wow, he really was a demon.

Thank you for helping me defeat that horrible thing," Captain Ladle says. "I've hunted him for years, hoping to wipe his foulness off of the earth. I wish there were some way I could reward you. Could you use a spare pair of swashbuckling pants? I can't wear 'em, they don't fit over my pegleg."

Whitepants.gifYou acquire an item: swashbuckling pants

Help the crocodile

You can't decide whether you should help the kid or the pirate, but you know you don't want to be around a hungry crocodile.

You say "I'll help you!" and run up the gangplank to the ship. Both Captain Ladle and Sammy Skillet turn to you, each expecting your help, which makes it easy to push both of them over the side.

They don't even hit the water -- the crocodile gets both of them in one gulp. Did I mention it's a big, big crocodile? Anyway, soon after eating them it gets the hiccups and coughs up a good-sized ball of meat. Nasty, sure, but meat is meat.

Meat.gifYou gain 100 Meat.

Occurs at The Obligatory Pirate's Cove.


  • This entire adventure -- including the title -- is a parody of J.M. Barrie's famous 1904 play Peter Pan, which features a flying boy named Peter Pan (often portrayed onstage by an adult woman) and a pirate named Captain Hook, whose hand was eaten by a crocodile. The glowing familiar references Tinkerbell.
  • Crocodile tears is an expression meaning false sorrow.
Cove.gif The Obligatory Pirate's Cove Choice Adventures
Amatearrr Night   Barrie Me at Sea   The Arrrbitrator
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? stuffed shoulder parrot Help Sammy Skillet stuffed shoulder parrot Vote for Jack Robinson eyepatch
So a pirate walks into a bar... 100 Meat Help Captain Ladle swashbuckling pants Vote for Sergeant Hook swashbuckling pants
What's gold and sounds like a pirate? eyepatch Help the crocodile 100 Meat Vote for the Dread Pirate Bob 100 Meat