Argarggagarg the Dire Hellseal

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Argarggagarg the Dire Hellseal
Monster ID 701
Locations Anywhere, after defeating a hunting seal.
Hit Points 150
Attack 115
Defense 103
Initiative 60
Meat None
Phylum demon
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts unknown
Argarggagarg's fang, adorable seal larva
Quest secret tropical island volcano lair map
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Argarggagarg the Dire Hellseal You're fighting Argarggagarg the Dire Hellseal

Rather unexpectedly, dark stormclouds roll in from the north, blotting out the sun. There is a sudden crash of thunder, and you hear, somewhere close by, a bestial howling that sends shivers down your spine. Adrenaline pumping, you try to pinpoint the source of the noise. You hear it again, closer this time, and this time... in stereo? Your stomach turns to ice -- could it be...?

Lightning strikes, momentarily blinding you, and then... there he is, towering over you, the ravenous, two-headed monstrosity Argarggagarg, the Dire Hellseal! If murderous beasts like Gorgolok can be said to have lieutenants, then Argarggagarg is it; they say he was the only seal ever to challenge Gorgolok's authority as alpha male and survive the ensuing battle.

His black hide is scarred from the dozens -- hundreds! -- of attempts made to destroy him by your northern kinsmen, none of whom came back alive. Here and there an ancient broken spear juts out of Argargaggarg's hide as testament to his indomitability. Two pairs of hellishly glowing red eyes glare at you; two horribly-fanged maws drool.

This is probably gonna suck bigtime.

Hit Message(s):

He swipes you with one massive flipper. You feel like a pinball. But you don't know where you can get one at this time of night. Oof! Oof!

He bites you in the <face> and <foot>. Two mouths, no waiting! Ugh! Ugh!

He headbutts you with his wicked horns, leaving two wicked holes in your wicked head. Ouch! Eek!

He lunges forward and chomps on you with his massive fangs. It's like being stabbed with a table leg. Oof! Ooh!

He smacks you with his massive tail, which entails a lot of broken bones for you. Eek! Ooh!

With his slavering maw, he pulls a spear from his hide and hurls it at you, spearing you like an asparagus. Oof! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He realize he's never going to survive unless he gets a little crazy, and goes into a biting, goring, and mauling frenzy. Ugh! Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

He lunges at you, but you dodge backwards, thanking the evolutionary gods that you have legs.

He swipes at you with one massive flipper, but you dodge and flip him off.

He tries to bite you, but can't decide which part to bite with which mouth.

He lunges at you, but you call him "four-eyes," and he seems offended.

He pulls a spear from his hide and hurls it at you, but you hide from the hurled spear.

He smacks at you with his massive tail, but you've read about that attack in several massive tales

Fumble Message:

He stops attacking to make some pointed comparisons between you and a kiss from a rose on the grey. It feels pretty strange, but it doesn't hurt. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Map.gifYou acquire an item: secret tropical island volcano lair map (100% chance)*
Tooth.gifYou acquire an item: Argarggagarg's fang (100% chance)*
Seallarva.gifYou acquire an item: adorable seal larva (100% chance)*
You gain 32 <substat>.


  • Appears to occur at any adventure.php location, and will only occur after you defeat your nemesis in The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave, and defeat the hunting seal.
  • This monster may be encountered while falling-down drunk.
  • After this enemy is encountered, the following text appears under Guild Quests:
Me and My Nemesis
Now that you've dealt with your Nemesis' assassins and found a map to the secret tropical island volcano lair, it's time to take the fight to your foe. Booyah.

If you're defeated instead, the following text appears:

Me and My Nemesis
You had a run-in with some crazy mercenary or assassin or... thing that your Nemesis sent to do you in once and for all. A run-in followed by a run-out, evidently, but you're going to have to deal with this sooner or later.


  • The line containing the the phrase "he's never going to survive unless he gets a little crazy" is a reference to the song "Crazy" by Seal.
  • The fumble message containing the phrase "make some pointed comparisons between you and a kiss from a rose on the grey" is a reference to the song "Kiss From A Rose" by Seal.