Angry poet
| Angry poet | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 585 |
| Locations | The Stately Pleasure Dome |
| Hit Points | Scales with player stats |
| Attack | Scales with player stats (Max 125) |
| Defense | Scales with player stats |
| Initiative | 60 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting an angry poetThis poet is generally good-natured, what with all the honey-dew he eats and milk of Paradise he drinks (which is like Milk of Magnesia, only less chalky). However, your approach woke him up from a totally killer dream he was having, and now he's coming at you all flashing eyes and floating hair, ready to stab you with a quill.
Hit Message(s):
He recites some horrible poetry. Your small intestine leaps up and strangles you. Ow! Eek!
He stabs you with his quill. Despite popular opinion, it doesn't hurt as bad as a sword, but it does sting. Ouch! Oof!
He takes a bite from a honey-dew, then hurls it at you, leaving a melon-sized bruise on your melon. Ugh! Ow!
He flashes you with his eyes, then just...flashes you. Ugh. Ow! Ooh! (sleaze damage)
He gets tired of trying to stab you to death with a quill and decides to bore you to death with poetry. After the fifth or sixth time he rhymes "ever" with "river," you stab yourself in the eardrums. Oof! Ow! Ow!
He recites horrible poetry, but you plug your ears and sing tavern songs to yourself.
He throws a honey-dew at you, but it turns out to be a honey-don't.
He tries to flash you with his eyes, but you avert yours.
He tries to stab you with his quill, but you defy convention and block him with a sword.
He pulls out a bottle of the Milk of Paradise and downs it in a few gulps. He sways back and forth, regards you blearily, and says "I love you, man. You're my best friend." (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: honey-dew (10% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: white Xanadian (10% chance)* |
| You gain some <substat>. |
Occurs at The Stately Pleasure Dome.
References
- This encounter is based off the real-life story of Coleridge being interrupted during writing Kubla Khan. Coleridge claimed that while writing the poem, which was inspired to him in a dream, he was interrupted by a man on business from Porlock who talked to him for several hours. When the man left, the inspiration was totally gone.
- The first hit message refers to the section about the universe's worst poetry in Douglas Adams' book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
