A Telescope/Old

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This version of the telescope was removed with the changes to the Naughty Sorceress Quest on January 1st, 2015.

A Telescope

A Telescope is a furnishing located at your Campground.

When Used

Your campsite contains a shiny telescope from Discount Telescope Warehouse. You can use it to look at distant celestial objects, or you can take a gander at things a little closer to home. What's it gonna be?

Look High
  • Once per day:
You gaze into the depths of space, and become filled with the glorious majesty of it all.
Snowflakes.gifYou acquire an effect: Starry-Eyed
(duration: 10 Adventures)
  • Subsequent uses:
You've already peered into the Heavens today. You're already feeling as inspired as you can be for one day.

Look Low
You peer into the eyepiece of the telescope, and scan the horizon looking for something interesting.
  • With a basic Telescope:
Off in the distance to the southeast, you spot a strange ring of mountains, with a cave leading into them.
You focus the telescope on the entrance of the cave, and see a wooden gate with an elaborate carving of <carving> on it.
Carving Lair gate Effect Needed Sample Item
an armchair Gate of Spirit Woad Warrior pygmy pygment
a cowardly-looking man Gate of Humility Wussiness wussiness potion
a banana peel Gate of Hilarity Comic Violence gremlin juice
a coiled viper Gate of the Viper Deadly Flashing Blade adder bladder
a rose Gates of The Suc Rose Sugar Rush Angry Farmer candy
a glum teenager Gate of Morose Morbidity and Moping Rainy Soul Miasma thin black candle
a hedgehog Gate of the Porcupine Spiky Hair super-spiky hair gel
a raven Locked Gate Locks Like the Raven Black No. 2
a smiling man smoking a pipe Gate of Slack Extreme Muscle Relaxation Mick's IcyVapoHotness Rub
  • With one upgrade:
You raise the telescope a little higher, and see a window at the base of a tall brick tower. Through the window, you <description>.
  • With two upgrades:
Further up, you see a second window. Through this one, you <description>.
  • With three upgrades:
Even further up, you see a third window. Through it you <description>.
  • With four upgrades:
Looking still higher, you see another window. Through the fourth window you <description>.
  • With five upgrades:
Even further up, you see a fifth window. Through that one you <description>.
Description Tower monster Item needed
catch a glimpse of a flaming katana Flaming Samurai Frigid ninja stars
catch a glimpse of a translucent wing Pretty Fly Spider web
see a fancy-looking tophat Bowling Cricket Sonar-in-a-biscuit
see a flash of albumen Giant fried egg Black pepper
see a giant white ear endangered inflatable white tiger Pygmy blowgun
see a huge face made of Meat Big Meat Golem Meat vortex
see a large cowboy hat Tyrannosaurus Tex Chaos butterfly
see a periscope Electron Submarine Photoprotoneutron torpedo
see a slimy eyestalk fancy bath slug Fancy bath salts
see a strange shadow the darkness inkwell
see moonlight reflecting off of what appears to be ice Ice Cube Hair spray
see part of a tall wooden frame Vicious Easel disease
see some amber waves of grain malevolent crop circle bronzed locust
see some long coattails concert pianist Knob Goblin firecracker
see some pipes with steam shooting out of them possessed pipe-organ powdered organs
see some sort of bronze figure holding a spatula Bronze Chef leftovers of indeterminate origin
see the neck of a huge bass guitar El Diablo mariachi G-string
see what appears to be the North Pole Giant Desktop Globe NG
see what looks like a writing desk best-selling novelist plot hole
see the tip of a baseball bat Beer Batter baseball
see what seems to be a giant cuticle Fickle Finger of F8 razor-sharp can lid
  • With six upgrades:
Near the top of the tower, you see a sixth and final window. Through it you see a <description>.
Description Tower monster
formidable stinger giant bee tropical orchid
wooden beam Collapsed mineshaft golem stick of dynamite
pair of horns Enraged Cow barbed-wire fence
  • After all the above:
Unfortunately, you can't see any farther than that.
You see the nether regions of a giant bugbear-shaped spaceship.


  • Obtained by using Discount Telescope Warehouse gift certificate.
  • The telescope will remain in the player's campsite through future ascensions, with the exception of Bad Moon runs.
  • A Telescope can be upgraded six times, each revealing more of the The Naughty Sorceress' tower.