A Telescope/Old
From TheKolWiki
This version of the telescope was removed with the changes to the Naughty Sorceress Quest on January 1st, 2015.
A Telescope is a furnishing located at your Campground.
When Used
Your campsite contains a shiny telescope from Discount Telescope Warehouse. You can use it to look at distant celestial objects, or you can take a gander at things a little closer to home. What's it gonna be?
| Look High |
- Once per day:
- You gaze into the depths of space, and become filled with the glorious majesty of it all.
 | You acquire an effect: Starry-Eyed (duration: 10 Adventures) |
- Subsequent uses:
- You've already peered into the Heavens today. You're already feeling as inspired as you can be for one day.
| Look Low |
- You peer into the eyepiece of the telescope, and scan the horizon looking for something interesting.
- With a basic Telescope:
- Off in the distance to the southeast, you spot a strange ring of mountains, with a cave leading into them.
- You focus the telescope on the entrance of the cave, and see a wooden gate with an elaborate carving of <carving> on it.
| Carving | Lair gate | Effect Needed | Sample Item |
|---|---|---|---|
| an armchair | Gate of Spirit | Woad Warrior | pygmy pygment |
| a cowardly-looking man | Gate of Humility | Wussiness | wussiness potion |
| a banana peel | Gate of Hilarity | Comic Violence | gremlin juice |
| a coiled viper | Gate of the Viper | Deadly Flashing Blade | adder bladder |
| a rose | Gates of The Suc Rose | Sugar Rush | Angry Farmer candy |
| a glum teenager | Gate of Morose Morbidity and Moping | Rainy Soul Miasma | thin black candle |
| a hedgehog | Gate of the Porcupine | Spiky Hair | super-spiky hair gel |
| a raven | Locked Gate | Locks Like the Raven | Black No. 2 |
| a smiling man smoking a pipe | Gate of Slack | Extreme Muscle Relaxation | Mick's IcyVapoHotness Rub |
- With one upgrade:
- You raise the telescope a little higher, and see a window at the base of a tall brick tower. Through the window, you <description>.
- With two upgrades:
- Further up, you see a second window. Through this one, you <description>.
- With three upgrades:
- Even further up, you see a third window. Through it you <description>.
- With four upgrades:
- Looking still higher, you see another window. Through the fourth window you <description>.
- With five upgrades:
- Even further up, you see a fifth window. Through that one you <description>.
| Description | Tower monster | Item needed |
|---|---|---|
| catch a glimpse of a flaming katana | Flaming Samurai | Frigid ninja stars |
| catch a glimpse of a translucent wing | Pretty Fly | Spider web |
| see a fancy-looking tophat | Bowling Cricket | Sonar-in-a-biscuit |
| see a flash of albumen | Giant fried egg | Black pepper |
| see a giant white ear | endangered inflatable white tiger | Pygmy blowgun |
| see a huge face made of Meat | Big Meat Golem | Meat vortex |
| see a large cowboy hat | Tyrannosaurus Tex | Chaos butterfly |
| see a periscope | Electron Submarine | Photoprotoneutron torpedo |
| see a slimy eyestalk | fancy bath slug | Fancy bath salts |
| see a strange shadow | the darkness | inkwell |
| see moonlight reflecting off of what appears to be ice | Ice Cube | Hair spray |
| see part of a tall wooden frame | Vicious Easel | disease |
| see some amber waves of grain | malevolent crop circle | bronzed locust |
| see some long coattails | concert pianist | Knob Goblin firecracker |
| see some pipes with steam shooting out of them | possessed pipe-organ | powdered organs |
| see some sort of bronze figure holding a spatula | Bronze Chef | leftovers of indeterminate origin |
| see the neck of a huge bass guitar | El Diablo | mariachi G-string |
| see what appears to be the North Pole | Giant Desktop Globe | NG |
| see what looks like a writing desk | best-selling novelist | plot hole |
| see the tip of a baseball bat | Beer Batter | baseball |
| see what seems to be a giant cuticle | Fickle Finger of F8 | razor-sharp can lid |
- With six upgrades:
- Near the top of the tower, you see a sixth and final window. Through it you see a <description>.
| Description | Tower monster | |
|---|---|---|
| formidable stinger | giant bee | tropical orchid |
| wooden beam | Collapsed mineshaft golem | stick of dynamite |
| pair of horns | Enraged Cow | barbed-wire fence |
- After all the above:
- Unfortunately, you can't see any farther than that.
- If your path is Bugbear Invasion, regardless of how many upgrades you have:
- You see the nether regions of a giant bugbear-shaped spaceship.
Notes
- Obtained by using Discount Telescope Warehouse gift certificate.
- The telescope will remain in the player's campsite through future ascensions, with the exception of Bad Moon runs.
- A Telescope can be upgraded six times, each revealing more of the The Naughty Sorceress' tower.
References
- The "smiling man smoking a pipe" that matches the Gate of Slack refers to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, the figurehead for the Church of the SubGenius. "Slack" is one of the church's core values.
- "Amber waves of grain" feature in the U.S. patriotic song "America the Beautiful".
