A River Runs Through It (Slippery When Wet)

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A River Runs Through It
A River Runs Through It

You stagger around drunkenly, trying desperately to work up enough spit to swallow, or perhaps throw up. It could go either way at this point. Your tongue feels like a strip of leather glued to the roof of your mouth. You're really, really thirsty, is what I'm getting at, here.

You see, with great relief, a night-darkened river running through the field ahead of you. It seems to have a series of little yellow rectangular flowers floating down the middle of it, but you can't be too sure, since your vision keeps doubling. You toward the river to drink your fill.

As soon as you've crossed about half the distance between where you spotted the river and the river itself, though, the dark silhouette of a man steps in front of you. "Woah," he says, "you're halfway there."

You step around him and continue walking, but as soon as you've closed half of the distance between where the guy stopped you and the river, he blocks your way again. "WOAH," he says, "you're halfway there!"

"Yeah," you slur, "and I'm never going to get all the way there if you keep interrupting me!"

"Ah, but that's my point!" the shadowy figure says, crossing his arms. "If you repeatedly cross half of the distance to your goal, you'll never get there! You're livin' on a prayer that's never going to be answered!"

You shove the guy out of the way and sprint for the river, but he somehow gets in front of you again. "Woah," he says, "you're -- *urk!*"

That last bit was when you grabbed the guy around the throat. Fortunately for him, though, you also finally start to black out. As your fingers lose their grip, for a moment it seems like the guy's throat has turned to steel, and his head goes from your basic head-shape to a giant flat diamond shape. You think. I mean, you're in the process of losing consciousness because you drank too much, so it's not like it'd stand up in court.

Occurred during St. Sneaky Pete's Day Stupor on St. Sneaky Pete's Day XXVI, if the character had the effect Cotton Mouthed


  • Players who encountered this adventure during SSPD XXVI woke up the next day with a slippery when wet shield in their possession.


  • "Whoa, We're halfway there/livin' on a prayer" sounds suspiciously like a certain song from Bon Jovi.
  • The parts about constantly traveling halfway between two points refers to the dichotomy paradox (alternatively called the Race Course paradox or Zeno's paradox).