A River Runs Through It (Detour)
You stagger around drunkenly, trying desperately to work up enough spit to swallow, or perhaps throw up. It could go either way at this point. Your tongue feels like a strip of leather glued to the roof of your mouth. You're really, really thirsty, is what I'm getting at, here.
You see, with great relief, a night-darkened river running through the field ahead of you. It seems to have a series of little yellow rectangular flowers floating down the middle of it, but you can't be too sure, since your vision keeps doubling. You stagger down to the river, intent on drinking your fill.
As you get close, you feel someone tugging on your pants leg (or just your leg, if you don't happen to be wearing pants). You look down and see a little man, about three feet tall. Since you've seen similar things on previous drunken binges, you ignore him, but he keeps yanking on your leg. "De tour, boss," he says, "de tour!"
"Look," you slur, "I'm so thirsty, and I need to get down there and have a drink. Now piss off!"
"Don't tell me to piss off! I give you a piss of my mind! I said de tour, boss!"
"Whatever," you say, and bend down to drink from the river. You scrape your fingers along the surface and see that it's not water at all! It's some kind of black, tarry, gravelly stuff. How do they expect you to drink this? It's like something you'd drive a meatcar on!
You stand up and spin around, disgusted, only to see the midget standing on the bank a few feet above you, holding a metal sign on a metal pole.
"I try to tell you, boss," he says. "I try to warn you: DETOUR!"
He swings the sign, and you try to duck, but since he was already swinging low, well -- the last thing you hear before you get knocked unconscious is the melodious CLAAAAANG of metal-on-skull.
- Players who encountered this adventure during SSPD XXV may wake up the next day with a detour shield in their possession.