A Flat Miner

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A Flat Miner
A Flat Miner

You're sneaking around in a dark, forgotten part of the mine, when you encounter a 7-Foot Dwarf crushed under a broken piano. You're not sure how the piano got there, or why the dwarf was under it when it collapsed, but one thing's for sure -- the dwarf could probably use some help. You look around to see if there are any pliers nearby, but can't find any.

"Looks like you need to get something off your chest," you say to the dwarf, who groans. You're not sure if it's due to the piano or your lame joke.

You notice, nearby, a rather large vein of meat the dwarf was mining before he had his piano accident. You also see the dwarf's belongings nearby.

Loot the dwarf's belongings

You ignore the dwarf and start rifling through his belongings. You find some pictures of his 7-foot family, and a lot of purple lint. He doesn't have anything in his pockets worth stealing, so you steal his pockets. And the pants to which they're attached.

Whitepants.gifYou acquire an item: miner's pants

Hijack the Meat vein

You grab the dwarf's mattock and begin to carve out a healthy portion of Meat for yourself.

After you mattock for a few minutes, the dwarf says "Ha! That there ain't nothing' but Fool's Meat! It's worthless! Stupid Adventurer."

Great. Another gristle vein. You storm angrily out of the mine. At least you got the mattock for your troubles.

Mattock.gifYou acquire an item: 7-Foot Dwarven mattock

Help the dwarf

You agree to help the dwarf, and spend the better part of fifteen minutes moving broken piano parts. You remind the dwarf he'd better see sharp so he won't be flat in the future. He thanks you profusely and gives you some meat as a reward.

Meat.gifYou gain 100 Meat.

Occurs at Itznotyerzitz Mine.


  • The title and initial text refer to the following awful pun: "What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A♭ minor."
  • The adventure text refers to "Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers", an album by The Firesign Theatre.
  • In the "Hijack the meat vein" choice, the "fool's meat" refers to fool's gold, a common mineral called pyrite that looks like gold but is not nearly as valuable.
  • In the "Help the dwarf" choice, the phrases "see sharp" and "be flat" (C♯ and B♭) continue the awful pun.
Bottomright.gif Itznotyerzitz Mine Choice Adventures
100% Legal   A Flat Miner   See You Next Fall
Demand loot miner's helmet Loot the dwarf's belongings miner's pants Give 'im the stick miner's helmet
Ask for ore miner's pants Hijack the meat vein 7-Foot Dwarven mattock DOOOOON'T GIVE 'IM THE STICK! 7-Foot Dwarven mattock
Say you'll keep quiet for free 100 Meat Help the dwarf 100 Meat Negotiate for a reward 100 Meat