The Naughty Sorceress (2)
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (2)The mist obscures her completely, before parting to reveal a hideous apparition. It's got more fangs and tentacles than an anime convention. You feel vaguely like a Japanese schoolgirl.
"Behold my true form, adventurer, and behold it well, for it is the last thing you will ever behold!"
"Hold on a minute," you say. "I'm not beholden to behold anything, you hideous creature!"
"You found me beautiful, once..." she says.
"Honey, you got real ugly. Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!"
Hit Message(s):
She cooks you up a nice spaghetti breakfast. Sounds good, but it really, really hurts. Ouch! Ugh!
She hits you in the <face> with a tentacle while spearing your <face> with a fang. Ouch! Oof!
She wants to smack you around, so she does. She wants to smack you down, so she does. Well, she does. Eek! Ugh!
She rams her hideous knee-analogue into your <face> - analogue. Which, unfortunately for you, actually is your <face>. Argh! Oof!
She attaches several tentacles to you and sprains several of your sensitive ligaments. You need some ligament linament. Ugh! Ouch!
She spears your <face> with a fang, then entangles it in her tentacles. Talk about adding injury to injury. Oof! Ugh!
Miss Message(s):
She entangles you with her tentacles and drools all over you. Ick, but not ow.
She can't decide whether to strangle you with her tentacles or bite you with her fangs, so she does nothing.
She tries to smack you down, but you remain undownsmacked.
She tries to bitch-slap you with her hideous palm-analogue, but you're too light on your feet-analogues. Er, feet.
She attaches several tentacles to you, but doesn't even leave a hickey. Sucker. Or, y'know, not.
She tries to spear you with a fang, but you tell her 'no fangs, I'm good.'
- When you use a skill (same as in first form):
As you're preparing to use that skill, the creature suddenly lashes out with several tentacles and wraps them around you, pinning your arms down. You struggle free, but are unable to pull off what you were trying to do.
As you start to use that skill, the creature belches in a manner so disgusting that you have to pause for a minute to prevent yourself from retching. Blech.
As you start to use that skill, the hideous apparition lashes out at you with a tentacle and knocks you on your ass. You lose track of what you were trying to do.
The hideous apparition tears the (item) out of your hands with a slimy tentacle. Ewwwww.
One of the thing's mouths suddenly produces an unearthly piercing noise, and the (item) is shattered before you can use it.
As you start to use the (item), a nasty-looking pseudopod shoots out of one of the creature's many gaping maws, sticks to it, and yanks it out of your hands with a "glorp" sound.
You try to trip the hideous apparition and embarrass it, but as you stick your leg out, it sticks out three glistening pseudopods and maintains its balance.
It makes a sound halfway between a laugh and the sound of a kidney stone being passed.
You try to suckerpunch the hideous creature, but your hand gets stuck in one of its suckers and doesn't do any damage.
Yech.
You try to sneak around behind the creature and backstab it, but it's got just as many eyes on the backside as it has on the front.
5 of them wink at you sarcastically. Er, I guess 2 pairs blink and one eye winks.
This is almost too nasty to describe, but... The creature moves towards you and embraces you with a pair of its filthy tentacles. It draws a drooling, pustulating, fang-ridden mouth close to yours, and gives you what is probably the second-worst kiss of your life. You emerge from the embrace feeling drained.
In what is probably the most disgusting display you've ever seen, several of the creature's mouths suddenly vomit a bunch of blood onto its skin, which immediately clots into a huge scab. Tentacles then emerge and pick off the scab. The creature emits what seems to be a satisfied sigh.
The hideous apparition pulls away from you and wraps its tentacles around itself tightly. Glistening bulges form and migrate across its surface. It comes back to face you, looking slightly larger.
- After 50 rounds of combat with no winner:
The hideous apparition, enraged at your having bothered it for so long without either kicking its ass or getting your ass kicked by it, slaps you with a huge tentacle and knocks you off the edge of the floor of the chamber.
You lose. You slink away, dejected and defeated.
- When you defeat her second form (proceed to third form):
You win the fight!
The Sorceress, in her hideous true form, falls to her hideous knee-analogues as your final final blow lands.
"This cannot be! This is not possible! It cannot be the case that this is the case!"
"But it doesn't matter, Adventurer. By slaying me in my true form, you have merely given me the power to assume my actual true form, which I'm about to do. Right now."
Umm, seriously. Uh oh.
Notes
- Encountered in the Lair of the Naughty Sorceress after defeating her first form.
- Sometimes, she does absolutely nothing on a combat round. This seem to happen more if she's defeated you several times.
- If you are defeated by her second form, you will be Beaten Up for 4 adventures.
- Sometimes, if you get Beaten Up by her on the first round of her second form (from her getting the jump on you and landing a lethal blow), there is no lose message: "You lose. You slink away, dejected and defeated."
- You don't get stats for defeating her second form -- you need to defeat her completely to get stats. However, your familiar will receive a kill for each form beaten.
- If you take too long to beat her second form, you lose the fight. However, you do not lose any additional HP and do not receive the Beaten Up effect when this happens.
- If you defeat the Sorceress in her second form but lose to her in her third form, you will have to face her again, starting from her first form.
Stats
- 620 HP
- Healing restores 30-35 HP
References
- The first paragraph of the second form refers to a sub-genre of Japanese Hentai, the tentacle rape. The victim of these are normally young schoolgirls.
- "She cooks you up a nice spaghetti breakfast" is a reference to the game 1000 Blank White Cards. One of the sample cards on Riff's Blank White Cards page is called "Spaghetti Breakfast," which is his euphemism for tentacle rape.
- The last two lines of the battle description of her second form,"You found me beautiful, once..." and "Honey, you got real ugly. Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!" are taken directly from the 1993 horror/comedy cult classic Army of Darkness.
- One of the second form's attack messages, "She wants to smack you around, so she does. She wants to smack you down, so she does. Well, she does," is a reference to the Matchbox Twenty song "Push." The lines it references are in the chorus, and go: "I wanna push you around / Well I will, well I will / I wanna push you down / Well I will, well I will / I wanna take you for granted / I wanna take you for granted / Yeah, well I will."
- The image and description resemble a Beholder, a monster from Dungeons & Dragons, hence the repetition of behold.
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