Mad Hatrack Messages (O-Z)

From TheKolWiki

The Mad Hatrack familiar has different combat messages depending on what hat it wears.

O

• Ol' Scratch's stovepipe hat:

Ol' Scratch's stovepipe hat
	<Name> mutters "Nee-oony-wanna. Nee-oony-wanna." and a gout of flame engulfs your opponent, dealing X damage.

• opera mask:

opera mask
	<Name> sings the music of the night. The spooky high notes hit <it> for X damage.

opera mask
	<Name> shouts "Sing, my monster of music! Sing for me!" at <him>. <He> dutifully sings as loud as <he> can, getting quite out of breath by the time he finishes.

• orange peel hat:

orange peel hat
	<Name> says "DO NOT WANT" and smacks it for X damage.

orange peel hat
	<Name> smiles hopefully and says, "I can has cheezburger?"

• orange traffic cone:

orange traffic cone
	<Name> dances around singing "I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights," over and over, winking crazily.

• orcish baseball cap:

orcish baseball cap
	<Name> gives her an atomic wedgie. <it> looks profoundly uncomfortable.

orcish baseball cap
	<Name> says "hey bra, we got some new pledges to paddle!" and grins with anticipation.

• oriole-feather headdress:

oriole-feather headdress
	<Name> gives it an Indian burn, doing X damage.

oriole-feather headdress
	<Name> sees someone nearby picking up litter, and smiles instead of shedding a single tear.

• outrageous sombrero:

outrageous sombrero
	<Name> does a perfectly fabulous hat-dance, stomping around the hat and dropping you a wink as he shouts "Au lait!"

P

• pail:

pail
	<Name> takes the pail off and drums vigorously on it, swaying to the beat. Then he looks annoyed when you don't part with your spare meat.

• panhandle panhandling hat:

panhandle panhandling hat
	<Name> holds out his hat and says, "got any spare meat for a gentleman down on his luck?"

• parasitic headgnawer:

parasitic headgnawer
	<Name> leaps on your foe, devouring his face and dealing X damage. Yikes.

• party hat:

party hat
	<Name> says "<Name>, party of one," and winks broadly.

• pentacorn hat:

pentacorn hat
	<Name> shouts "Give me X damage, or give me death! Or cake! Whichever!" and giggles as he smacks it up one side and down the other.

• pig-iron helm

pig-iron helm
	<Name> squeals like a delighted piggy as he spins in a dizzy circle. That'll do, <Name>. That'll do.

• pimpin' meat hat:

pimpin' meat hat
	<Name> pimp-slaps it for X damage. What a lowlife.

pimpin' meat hat
	<Name> smiles a pimpin' smile. Where'd he get that diamond grill?

• pixel hat:

pixel hat
	<Name> says "I'm sorry, castle, but your Mario is in another Princess!" and grins wickedly.

pixel hat
	<Name> refashions the pixel hat into a boomerang and throws it at <it>, hitting for X damage.

• plexiglass pith helmet:

plexiglass pith helmet
	<Name> says, "this is a great safari! I love petting the pygmy elephants!" He smiles and winks as he pets his invisible elephant friend.

• propeller beanie:

propeller beanie
	You trick your opponent into backing into <Name>'s rapidly-spinning propeller. It deals X damage, just like the time you shot that swordsman.

• pumpkinhead mask:

pumpkinhead mask
	<Name> does a gangly-limbed dance and sings a spooky show tune.

R

• Radio Free Baseball Cap:

Radio Free Baseball Cap
	<Name> cranks up the Amplitude and dances like KoL Moh Dee, then removes his Eyespeculum and winks at you.

• raspberry beret:

raspberry beret
	<Name> tosses his beret into the air. For some reason, this causes <it> to freeze in <its> tracks.

raspberry beret
	<Name> does a few stanzas of beat poetry, then tosses you a wink when you applaud.

• ravioli hat:

ravioli hat
	<Name> charges into battle, singing an Italian aria as he tramples <it> for X damage.

• red traffic cone:

red traffic cone
	<Name> says "Shhhh...I'm a garden gnome," and stares forward, frozen, with one eye squinted shut and a fixed smile.

• reinforced beaded headband:

reinforced beaded headband
	<Name> picks a flower and hands it to <it>. <It> looks confused and a little less willing to throw down.

reinforced beaded headband
	<Name> blisses out, spinning around in hippy ecstasy.

• rusty diving helmet:

rusty diving helmet
	<Name> konks your opponent on the head with his diving helmet, disorienting <him/her/it> for a second.

R

• Radio Free Baseball Cap:

Radio Free Baseball Cap
	<Name> cranks up the Amplitude and dances like KoL Moh Dee, then removes his Eyespeculum and winks at you.

• raspberry beret:

raspberry beret
	<Name> tosses his beret into the air. For some reason, this causes <it> to freeze in <its> tracks.

raspberry beret
	<Name> does a few stanzas of beat poetry, then tosses you a wink when you applaud.

• ravioli hat:

ravioli hat
	<Name> charges into battle, singing an Italian aria as he tramples <it> for X damage.

• red traffic cone:

red traffic cone
	<Name> says "Shhhh...I'm a garden gnome," and stares forward, frozen, with one eye squinted shut and a fixed smile.

• reinforced beaded headband:

reinforced beaded headband
	<Name> picks a flower and hands it to <it>. <It> looks confused and a little less willing to throw down.

reinforced beaded headband
	<Name> blisses out, spinning around in hippy ecstasy.

• rusty diving helmet:

rusty diving helmet
	<Name> konks your opponent on the head with his diving helmet, disorienting <him/her/it> for a second.

S

• safarrri hat:

safarrri hat
	<Name> says, "last night, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. I don't know why I buy my pajamas so big!" and smiles at his 'joke.'

• samurai turtle helmet:

samurai turtle helmet
	<Name> delivers a fierce karate chop to your opponent's neck

• Scalp of Gorgolok:

Scalp of Gorgolok
	<Name> does an entertaining impression of a seal dancing at a seal club. You unwind a bit and enjoy the show.

You gain some hit points.

You gain some Mana points.

• seal-skull helmet:

seal-skull helmet
	<Name> compares it to a kiss from a rose on the PAIN, smacking it for X damage.

• sequined fez:

sequined fez
	<Name> says, "let me show you the secret handshake of fez-wearers. Oops, I don't have any fingers!" and winks at you.

• shapeless wide-brimmed hat:

• skeletortoise:

skeletortoise
	<Name> does a spooky puppet show with the spooky skeletortoise. It takes X spooky damage.

skeletortoise
	<Name> does the Dead Man's Waltz with the skeletortoise.

• snorkel:

snorkel
	<Name> whips off his snorkel with one rung and gives him a severe snorkelwhipping, doing X non-sequitur damage.

• Snow Queen Crown:

Snow Queen Crown
	<Name> pelts <it> with a barrage of snowballs, dealing X damage. Looks like <it> wasn't ready for a crazy little thing called <Name>.

Snow Queen Crown
	<Name> sings the entirety of Knob Goblin Rhapsody, giving you a chance to take a little nap.

You gain some hit points.

You gain some Mana points.

• Sombrero De Vida:

Sombrero De Vida
	<Name> turns you on to a bunch of cool bands, grins a wicked cute grin, and winks sassily at you.

• spiky turtle helmet:

spiky turtle helmet
	<Name> shouts "Oi! oi! oi!" and gives it a vicious, spiky headbutt for X vicious, spiky damage.

spiky turtle helmet
	<Name> thrashes around in an invisible mosh pit.

• sponge helmet:

sponge helmet
	<Name> headbutts it, dealing X damage and leaving it slightly cleaner.

sponge helmet
	<Name> wipes some of the sweat from your eyes, helping you to see a little better.

• spooky hockey mask:

spooky hockey mask
	<Name> produces a giant meat cleaver and chases him around for a while. him looks exhausted when the chase finally ends.

spooky hockey mask
	You rest for a bit and watch <Name> stalk an unsuspecting group of promiscuous camp counselors.

You gain some hit points.

You gain some Mana points.

• Spooky Putty mitre:

Spooky Putty mitre
	<Name> nods his head with a somber rhythm as he winks at you pontifically.

• stainless steel skullcap:

stainless steel skullcap
	<Name> says, "give me your clothes, boots, and your chopper... I mean, motorcycle," then winks as he does the Robot.

• star hat:

star hat
	<Name> says "look to the shtars, Bowen!" and grins like a lunatic.

star hat
	<Name> takes off his hat, says, "my God, it's full of stars," and shows it to him. He's so mesmerized he forgets to attack.

• stone baseball cap:

stone baseball cap
	<Name> says "tanga nala kwee nala," and smiles at you. Whatever.

• straw hat:

straw hat
	<Name> leans back in a rocking chair, chews a stalk of hay, and points to some stuff on the ground you missed.

• sugar chapeau:

sugar chapeau
	<Name> shouts, "Sugar, we're going down swinging!" and starts throwing punches, hitting your opponent for X damage.

sugar chapeau
	<Name> winks coquettishly, smiles, and says, "ain't you just the sweetest thing? Sugar wouldn't melt in your mouth!"

• superhero mask:

superhero mask
	<Name> does the Batusi, winking as he does some pelvic thrusts. Well, as far as a hatrack has a pelvis, anyway.

T

• tattered paper crown:

tattered paper crown
	<Name> stands on his head and puts the crown on his feet. "Everything is topsy-turvy!" he shouts, grinning.

• time helmet:

time helmet
	<Name> sees that you're about to get attacked and trips it before it can attack you.

time helmet
	<Name> does the Time Warp, then does the Time Warp again. Clearly, madness has taken its toll on him.

time helmet
	<Name> mutters "I'm late. No... no... I'm early." The air shimmers around you.

You gain 1 Adventure.

• Toy space helmet:

toy space helmet
	<Name> shouts "to infinity -- and a little past that!" and stylishly falls on it, tackling it to the ground.

toy space helmet
	<Name> dances to a spaced out, futuristic groove that only he can hear.

• Tropical Crimbo Hat:

Tropical Crimbo Hat
	<Name> does a little hula dance, winking at you as he swivels his hips. Wait, hatracks have hips?

• turtle wax helmet:

turtle wax helmet
	<Name> says, "wax on, wax off," and trips it, knocking it to the ground.

turtle wax helmet
	<Name> breakdances, doing a killer headspin with his waxy helmet.

• turtlemail coif:

turtlemail coif
	<Name> engages him in a lengthy discussion on the difference between a snood and a coif, occupying him for this round.

V

• viking helmet:

viking helmet
	<Name> charges <it> and pins <it> to the ground with the horns on his viking helmet, dealing X damage.

• Voluminous Radio Hat:

Voluminous Radio Hat
	<Name> delivers a sarcastic rant about how much it sucks to be a teenager. <It> is too demoralized to attack this round.

Voluminous Radio Hat
	<Name> jams you, jacks you, pushes you, pulls you, and talks hard. It's pretty refreshing.

You gain some hit points.

You gain some Mana points.

W

• water-polo cap:

water-polo cap
	<Name> marches up to your opponent and delivers a powerful old-school smack to its kneecaps.

water-polo cap
	<Name> grins impishly from beneath the brim of the cap.

• webbed comic mask:

webbed comic mask
	<Name> does a postmodern deconstruction of superhero archetypes while making jokes about mega-man, smiling and winking as he breaks the fourth wall.

• willowy bonnet:

willowy bonnet
	<Name> says, "I'm a cute little lesbian witch! I hold the power of life and death in my cute little noggin!" Then he dances around, giggling adorably.

• witch hat:

witch hat
	<Name> grins and winks at you as it stirs a bubbling cauldron.

• wolf mask:

wolf mask
	<Name> says, "I'm on the hunt, I'm after you," and snarls ferociously at it, who quails and looks terrified.

wolf mask
	<Name> gives you a big wolf-hug, which leaves you feeling oddly rejuvenated. Anything you'd like to tell us about yourself?

You gain some hit points.

• wolfman mask:

wolfman mask
	<Name> growls adorably in his little mask.

• wooden salad bowl:

wooden salad bowl
	<Name> takes off the salad bowl and tosses it at him, hitting for X damage.'

• wool hat:

wool hat
	<Name> sings a song about believing in daydreams. You take a minute to see if there's any meat lying around nearby.

• worn tophat:

worn tophat
	<Name> dismisses it with a derisive, upper-crust sniff. It looks hurt and embarrassed.

worn tophat
	<Name> says "fourscore and seven years ago, our founding fathers wanted us all to have more meat!" and winks at you.

• wreath of laurels:

wreath of laurels
	<Name> gestures to your fallen foe and says "gnolls, goblins, skeletons, lend me your ears! I come here not to praise them, but to try and loot their bodies."

• wumpus-hair wig:

wumpus-hair wig
	<Name> says, "Suddenly, I'm Miss Beehive 1963!" He smiles and waves, pageant-style, at it, and it's're[sic] too nonplussed to attack.

wumpus-hair wig
	<Name> tells you an amusing story about the time someone wanted him to go to rehab, and what he said, said, said. You laugh and feel refreshed.

You gain some hit points.

You gain some Mana points.

Y

• yak toupee:

yak toupee
	<Name> says "don't talk back!" and smacks it for X damage.

yak toupee
	<Name> yaks on and on about nothing in particular. It gets bored and loses interest in attacking this round.

• yellow plastic hard hat:

yellow plastic hard hat
	<Name> uses his topmost rungs to spell out the mystical symbols "Y," "M," "C," and "A" as he smacks him for X damage.

• yellow traffic cone:

yellow traffic cone
	<Name> snarls "who are you callin' yellow?" Then smiles and winks to let you know he's just kidding.

Z

• Zombo's skullcap:

Zombo's skullcap
	<Name> batters your opponent mercilessly while making creepy "Oooooooh. Oooooooooooh." noises.

References

• The orange peel hat messages, like the hat, refer to popular Lolcat pictures. One specifically referenced meme is known as Limecat
• The oriole-feather headdress message about a tear refers to the American TV public service announcements of the 70s that has an American Indian shedding a tear over pollution.
• The pentacorn hat message refers to both Patrick Henry's "Give me liberty, or give me death" speech, and Eddie Izzard's "cake or death!" joke.
• The pig-iron helm message refers to a line from the movie Babe.
• The pixel hat's first message is reference to Super Mario Bros. and when you would beat any castle but the final one.
• The pixel hat's second message is a reference to Link's use of a boomerang in many Legend of Zelda games.
• The pumpkinhead mask's message is a reference to The Nightmare Before Christmas games.
• The raspberry beret message refers to the end of the opening to The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
• The safarrri hat message is a reference to a Groucho quip from the Marx Brothers' Animals Crackers.
• The seal-skull helmet message refers to the Seal song "Kiss from a Rose".
• The Snow Queen Crown messages refer to the Queen songs "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Crazy Little Thing Called Love".
• The spooky hockey mask messages are both references to Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th series of films.
• The stainless steel skullcap message is a reference to Terminator 2: Judgment Day when the Terminator confronts a biker for clothes and his hog.
• The star hat "grin" message is a reference to Dragonheart, where Draco tells Bowen "To the stars".
• The star hat "full of stars" message is a reference to both 2001: A Space Odyssey and Terry Pratchett novel A Hat Full of Sky.
• The sugar chapeau message refers to the Fall Out Boy song "Sugar, We're Goin Down".
• The superhero mask message is a reference to Adam West's infamous Batusi.
• The time helmet message refers to The Rocky Horror Show song "Time Warp".
• The toy space helmet refers to Toy Story's Buzz Lightyear, and his battle cry, "To infinity, and beyond!" The bit about "stylishly falling" refers to a part where Woody dismisses Buzz's attempt at flying as "falling, with style".
• The willowy bonnet message refers to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer character Willow.
• The wolf mask "I'm on the hunt" message refers to the Duran Duran song "Hungry Like the Wolf".
• The wool hat message refers to the The Monkees song "Daydream Believer."
• The wreath of laurels message refers to a line in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar: "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him."
• The yak toupee message refers to The Coasters tune "Yakety Yak Don't Talk Back".
• The yellow plastic hard hat message refers to the Village People song "Y.M.C.A.", during which one of the band members wears a yellow plastic hard hat.
• Using the YMCA dance as mystical symbols may refer to Fable: The Lost Chapters, which uses the motions of the dance to communicate with an oracle.