Giant sandworm
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 You're fighting a giant sandwormYou head out into the desert, turn up the bass on your drum machine and set it to pound out a steady rhythm. Soon, the rushing of sand fills your ears, and you barely manage to jump out of the way as a gigantic sandworm erupts from beneath the surface with an unearthly howl.
As it swallows the drum machine whole, you get a better look at it. It kinda looks like it's just escaped from a giant bottle of mescal, except for the fact that it's completely ginormous and smells like your grandpa's aftershave. Oh, and it has lots and lots and lots of pointy teeth, and the reason you know this is that it's about to bite you with them.
Hit Message(s):
It bites you with its concentric, circular rows of teeth. You're going to have some very weird scars. Oof! Ooh! Eek! Ow! Oof!
It whips you with its scaly, sandy tail. Ouch! Oof! Ooh! Ouch! Ow!
It burrows into the sand right next to you, so you fall into the hole it made. Ooh! Argh! Ugh!
Critical Hit Message:
It rears up and swallows you whole. You get a brief, unenlightening tour of its digestive tract before emerging again, somewhat corroded and thoroughly out-skeeved.Eek! Eek! Argh! Eek!
Miss Message(s):
It tries to bite you, but you bite it first. You don't hurt it, but you do startle it a little.
It tries to whip you with its tail, but you distract it with a tale.
It burrows through the sand at you, but fails to take a left turn at Albuquerque and misses.
Fumble Message:
It rears up to swallow you whole, but a bitchin' meat truck pulls up next to you and some guy with extremely loose feet fires a couple of rounds from a shotgun at it...
Occurs after using a drum machine without worm-riding hooks equipped. May also be summoned by a Boba Fettucini.
Notes
- You can fight this monster when falling-down drunk.
- Even if you have defeated this monster (with or without the wormhooks) you can still fight it if you have more drum machines.
References
- The giant sandworm, and the fact that it drops spice, reference the sandworms from Frank Herbert's sci-fi novel, Dune.
- The phrase "your grandpa's aftershave" in the description probably refers to Old Spice.
- The critical hit message is a reference to the sandworm in Final Fantasy X as one of its special attacks is rearing back, sucking in a party member, then spitting them back out later complete with digestive fluids.
- One of its miss messages is a reference to Bugs Bunny phrase of making a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
- The fumble message refers to the 1990 movie Tremors, in which giant, subterranean people-eating worms are killed by Kevin Bacon, who was also the star of 1984's Footloose.
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