Crimbo

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666.gif Pressie.gif Coffeecup.gif Candycane.gif Stocking.gif Unclecrimbo.gif
Familiar26.gif Crimbo Familiar26.gif
Gingerbear.gif Crimbobox.gif Fruitcake.gif Bow.gif

Crimbo is the Kingdom of Loathing's most popular holiday; it shares the season with Hanukkimbo.

Dates

2003

On December 25, 2003 (Martinus 8, Year 4), each player received a Crimbo pressie. When opened, it produced a fruitcake and some wrapping paper. The wrapping paper could be smithed into the components of the Crimbo Duds outfit.

2004

On December 25, 2004 (Starch 6, Year 8), each player received a Crimbo stocking. When opened, it produced a candy cane, a gingerbread bugbear, some eggnog, and a small Crimbo Pressie. The small pressie, when opened, produced a bow and either a Hanukkimbo dreidl, an imitation nice watch, or a tiny plastic sword. The bow could be smithed into the components of the Bow Tux outfit.

In addition, the player Secret Santa was given 100 extra special Crimbo stockings to give out, due to his generous donations. When you opened these, you received a Mr. Accessory, in addition to the regular items.

2005

(See also Crimbo Town (2005).)

On December 1, 2005 (Porktober 3, Year 11), Uncle Crimbo placed an Advent Calendar in each player's campground. Players were able to open one section of it each day; the calendar had one section for each of the 25 days up to, and including, Crimbo. The sections, when opened, initially yielded a small Crimbo gift, such as a candy cane, some eggnog, a fruitcake, or a gingerbread bugbear. In later weeks, the gift included other items, such as some aspirin, a fancy chocolate, sugar cookies in various shapes, and items from the Tiny plastic series 1C. Also, on the 20th, the gates to Crimbo Town opened; they closed on January 2, 2006.

On December 24, Uncle Crimbo placed a little present in everyone's equipment inventory. A new outfit, the Arboreal Raiment, was included. The items required to make it were a can of fake snow, a colored-light "necklace", and a tree skirt.

2006

(See also Crimbo Town (Crimboween).)

On December 1, 2006, a Spooky Advent Calendar was placed in each player's campground. Also, Applejohn Pipeswaddler, the Lonely Crimbo Elf, appeared in the middle of the mountains, asking everyone to help get Uncle Crimbo's memory back.

On December 24, 2006, Uncle Crimbo gave out a tropical Crimbo pressie; when opened, it produced some tropical wrapping paper and an additional item. The item could have been a tiki lighter, a tropical paperweight, or a deck of tropical cards. If a player had completed the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest, they also got either a crimbo ukulele, a lucky Crimbo tiki necklace, or a bobble-hip hula elf doll. In addition, December 25th was Halloween, and trick-or-treating was enabled.

2007

(See also Crimbo Town (2007).)

On November 30, 2007, Uncle Crimbo stopped by everybody's campsite in the dead of the night and dropped off a little calendar full of goodies. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy goodies.

On December 7, a new moon appeared in the sky. It was a Crimbo miracle! It was noted that the moon oddly resembled The Sinister Dodecahedron, which was sighted in the sky a year and a half earlier at The LAAAAME Observatory.

On December 10, an announcement was posted in the Kingdom; it stated that some amateur astronomers with telescopes in their campsites had determined that the new object in the sky was no moon -- it was a space station!

On December 12, it turned out that the amateur astronomers were wrong - it wasn't a moon or a space station; it was a spaceship, and it had crash-landed somewhere in The Big Mountains.

In completely unrelated news, Crimbo Town re-emerged from the mists in The Big Mountains to bring joy and delight to adventurers everywhere. Unfortunately, the "Crimborg" had taken over this delightful place. Uncle Crimbo asked everyone to help deal with him, and in exchange, he helped players make toys from the spoils. He even offered to make toys from previous Crimbos! Provided a player had the items to make them, of course.

On December 25, Uncle Crimbo handed out an old-fashioned Crimbo Pressie.

2008

(See also Crimbo Town (2008).)

On December 1, 2008, Uncle Crimbo managed to hobble into everybody's campsite and leave behind a little calendar. The calendar contained irradiated treats,which were the result of Grimacite radiation.

On December 8, 2008, Crimbo Town opened up. It had been irradiated, due to some dubious business decisions that Uncle Crimbo made.

In addition, adventurers had the opportunity to take down mutant elves or Mafia penguins... or both. Kills were tracked for both sides. Overall, more penguins were killed than elves, so Uncle Crimbo rewarded visitors at his fallout shelter, beginning on December 25, 2008.

On January 1, 2009, the elves suddenly mutated into one giant abomination. Adventurers had to expurgate bits of it using The Spirit of Crimbo and help the Penguin Mafia subjugate it.

On January 6, 2009, the penguins succeeded in containing the abomination in a crate. All players who helped to expurgate it were compensated with Crimbo crate items, which were compliments from the Don, the new monarch of Crimbo.

2009

(See also Crimbo Town (2009).)

On December 1, 2009, Don Crimbo left each and every Adventurer a little present at his/her campsite.

In addition, he asked adventurers to join him at Uncle P's Antiques, where he had a little "request" for assistance waiting for them.

On December 15, Crimbo Town emerged from the mists. Don Crimbo sent adventurers to work on quelling the rebelliousness of his elves.

On December 19, an encounter with the leader of the rebellion put everything into question and revealed a sinister plot that could shake the Kingdom to its core.

On December 20, as a result of said revelation, adventurers started working with the elves and against the Don's sinister plot, merrily mowing down penguins with a fa-la-la-la-la in their hearts.

On December 24, adventurers confronted Don Crimbo and convinced him to give up the holiday. With Mafia control over Crimbo eliminated, attention turned to defeating the newly freed Crimbomination.

On December 25, adventurers confronted the Crimbomination. Through the ingenious use of seemingly worthless items dropped by previous Crimbo bosses, the Crimbomination was redeemed; it became the new ruler of Crimbo.

2010

(See also CRIMBCO Headquarters.)

On December 1, 2010, adventurers received an Advent Calendar at their campsites, brought to them by CRIMBCO.

On December 3, 2010, Elf Alley was discovered; it was hidden in the bowels of Hobopolis, and it was full of unemployed Crimbo elves! Among them was the once-jolly and now-gritty Uncle Hobo.

On December 4, 2010, the Don presented a message to all players from his profile, urging them to send tainted mutant candies to him, but not without payment for their service. (As of the 12th, the Don is no longer offering recompense. He has also disparaged the KoL Wiki.)

On December 15, 2010, the CRIMBCO HQ, run by Mr. Crimbo Mination, emerged from the mists. Players were able to work up the corporate ladder to earn scrips and purchase gifts.

On December 22, the hobelves began to invade the HQ through its bathroom.

On December 25, 2010, Uncle Crimbo made his way into Mr. Mination's office to try to take back Crimbo from CRIMBCO's greedy corporate hands. Players could choose to help either one, but regardless of their choice, Uncle Crimbo recovered his hat (and his holly-jolliness), unmutated Mr. Mination, and gifted the player appropriately, with Crimbo back in his control.

By January 1, 2011 most of CRIMBCO's operations had been suspended, save the Gift Shop, which continued business as usual. The building disappeared on January 14, 2011.

2011

(See also Crimbo Town (2011).)

On December 1, 2011, the traditional Advent Calendar appeared at the campsite. However, this year it contained a Candy Diorama, instead of the usual consumable treats. The diorama contained new adventuring zones. Adventurers first adventured in the dense Lollipop Forest, home of the nefarious trollipop, which was added on December 7. On December 8, they could climb Fudge Mountain. On December 16, they could plumb the depths of The Gummi Mines.

On December 14, 2011, after being punched out of the calendar, The Fudge Wizard antagonized adventurers and "accidentally" revealed that they were ruining "Big Candy's" operation.

On December 17, 2011, Crimbo Town, run by Uncle Crimbo, appeared in The Big Mountains asking adventurers to trade in candy for candy credits.

On December 25, 2011, players received a message, along with a fudge pocket square, lollipop cufflinks, or gummi bowtie, from Uncle Crimbo himself.

2012

(See also Crimboku Town!.)

On December 1, 2012, the traditional Advent Calendar appeared at the campsite. Various wandering elves were seen building tacos, wearing tacos, and pointing at tacos.

On December 10, 2012, Don Pygoscelis sent a message to some – but not all – players pertaining to the end of the world, and what adventurers of the Kingdom can do about it. Some - but not all - players who mailed him three livers of any form received meat and some gifts on December 21, 2012.

On December 15, 2012, Crimbo(ku) Town appeared in The Big Mountains. This year Uncle Crimbo hired animelves to the work force, but an argument regarding subbed/dubbed anime caused the regular Crimbo elves to leave and work for Taco Dan. The animelves were producing only raw toy parts because they were secretly working on building a giant robot behind Uncle Crimbo's back. Adventurers stole the giant robot plans so that they could build their own giant robot to fight the animelves' giant robot.

On December 25, 2012, Uncle Crimbo and the adventurers finished constructing the Super Crimboman Crimbo Type to battle the MechaElf, which was finished the same day. One mecha battle later, MechaElf was destroyed, and Crimbo was saved for another year. The same day, shortly after rollover, all players received a message from Uncle Crimbo, along with a Super Crimboman Ultra Mega Hypersword.

On December 26, 2012, Taco Dan finished its aggressive, kingdom-wide advertising.

On January 4, 2013, Uncle Crimbo sent another message to the players who helped defeat the MechaElf, along with a Deactivated MiniMechaElf and Bodacious MechaElf Hunter Saga:Relay Wolf.

2013

(See also Crimbo Town (2013).)

On December 1, 2013, the traditional Advent Calendar appeared at the campsite.

On December 15, 2013, Crimbo Town reappeared from the misty mists of... mist. This time, ol' Uncle Crimbo used some Animelf tech from last year to fully automate all the gift-making labor, but it turns out this new manufacturing process was just technologically advanced enough to attract an intergalactic race of warbears. It's up to adventurers to bear through the supercoldness and gravity and defeat the warbears to save Crimbo. Again.

On December 25, 2013, the Warbear General with a really long name shows up and is promptly beaten, and at the same time it appears Uncle Crimbo also finally finished his War Machine: a greenhouse gas generator, which would warm up the planet enough to drive the Warbears away and guarantee a less snowy Crimbo next year. Also, Uncle Crimbo sent a message that contained a festive warbear bank to all those who helped him make his War Machine.

2014

(See also Crimbo Town (2014).)

On December 1, 2014, the Advent Calendar appeared at the campsite as usual. The Crimbonium Mining Camp and Crimbonium Mine also appeared at Desert Beach, but remained mysterious and inaccessible for the time being. Also, to commemorate Crimbo's concurrency with St. Sneaky Pete's Day, sneaky wrapping papers were sold in the General Store, which allowed players to hide gifts for other players for the entirety of December (2014 only).

Once the Mining Camp opened on the 8th, players discovered the highly radioactive mine was operated by elves turned into cyborgs against their will. Players were able to collect their High-Radiation Mining Gear and use it to mine for nuggets of Crimbonium and make Crimbonium fuel rods, though to what end was yet to come.

A few (lucky) players around the Kingdom also began finding schematics for parts of a "Crimbot". Plans for its left and right arms, legs and head were discovered, but Adventurers did not know the purpose of these plans, for the time being.

On December 15th, Crimbo Town once again emerged from the mountain mists. Unfortunately, Uncle Crimbo's plan to automate toy production had gone awry: the robots from last year had kidnapped him and taken over the toy factory! With the factory filled with deadly gas, adventurers were forced to fight robots with robots, assembling them from parts described by Crimbot schematics and powering them with Crimbonium fuel rods, while the elves were too busy squabbling over politics to do any of the legwork.

On December 25th, the Elves finally managed to cut through all the red tape to come up with a plan to rescue Uncle Crimbo: Lure the biggest Crimbot out of the factory with a press of a switch. Although the resulting destruction of the factory released its deadly gas into the atmosphere, Uncle Crimbo was saved. After his dealings with calamitous contraptions that ended disasterously for the past three Crimbos, Uncle Crimbo decided to call it quits on technology and decided to live out a much more natural life, au naturel.
(Adventures could still build robots and explore the factory despite its complete destruction afterwards, because you know.)

2015

(See also Crimbo Town (2015).)

At rollover on November 30th, the annual Advent Calendar appeared above the top row of every player's campground.

On December 14th, Crimbo Town once again emerged from the eldritch mists of the Big Mountains. This year, it seems Uncle Crimbo had adopted the way of the Hippies, as did his workers. They seem to have adjusted pretty well, and while Uncle Crimbo is off meditating in his trailer, his workers want Adventurers to spread the word of the beauty of nature and the advantages of a collectivist society to every creature of the Kingdom. (Oh, there's some robots left in the old factory from last year, but that's not important to this year's plot.)

...And while Adventurers were off doing that, the Elves are creating a prayer ritual to commune with the Earth Mother Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej and summon her to the mortal realm, while Rudolph the Red, who was actually a remnant of the Crimborg Collective (since 8 years ago), was assimilating the reindeers into the Collective under the guise of creating a communist utopia.

On December 24th, things happened. Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej had awakened and Rudolphus of Crimborg had completed the assimilation. The two forces fight it out, until Uncle Crimbo finally emerges from his year-long meditation as Crimbuddha (short for Crimbodhisattva). Using his newfound enlightenment-based powers, he banishes them, then goes off to spread peace and love. And in a puff of deus ex machina, Crimbo was saved.

On December 30th, Crimbuddha had given out an eco-friendly gift to all Adventurers.

2016

(See also Crimbo Town (2016).)

At rollover on November 30th, the annual Advent Calendar appeared above the top row of every player's campground.

On December 13th, Crimbo Town appeared in The Big Mountains. This year, the Crimbuddha (a.k.a. the Crimbodhisattva, f.k.a. Uncle Crimbo) seems trapped in his meditation, and it's up to Adventurers to align their six Chakras to contact him.

Notes

  • A Crimbo Tale now holds the Official Crimbo Story.
  • Starting on December 28, 2015, this message was displayed above the main map during Crimbo season:
Candycane.gif Wreath.gif Candycane.gif Wreath.gif
It's Crimbo! Head over to Crimbo Town, in the Big Mountains!
Wreath.gif Candycane.gif Wreath.gif Candycane.gif

References

  • "Crimbo" is a British slang term for Christmas, partially used to avoid the religious connotations of the holiday.
  • On the January 3rd, 2013, radio show, a listener noted that the word "elf" is German for "eleven". The Asymmetric Staff said that this was a total coincidence.