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Your butt

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Butt
Monster ID unknown
Locations using a photocopied monster having photocopied your butt.
Hit Points 75% of Player's Buffed Muscle (cap 10000)
Attack Player's Buffed Moxie (cap 10000)
Defense Player's Buffed Muscle (cap 10000)
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts unknown
Drops
None
Manuel Entry
edit data
butt You're fighting your butt

As you look at the photocopy with a combination of pride and revulsion, it suddenly comes to life! You drop it on the floor, and your own butt, disembodied and gleaming, leaps out to fight you?

"I said what? What?" you say, readying your weapon. "Looks like I'm going to have to beat my ass."

It shouldn't be that hard; it already has a crack up the middle. Hey-o! I mean, you just have to look at the assets at your disposal to assertively assay an assault or an assassination.

Hit Message(s):

It hits you with its left cheek, then turns the other one. Oof! Argh! Eek!

It hits you with its right cheek, then turns the other one. Oof! Ugh! Ugh!

It flaps its cheeks at you. Ew. Ugh! Ugh! Argh! (sleaze damage)

It delivers a buttload of pain. Given the circumstances, that's the best buttload of anything you could have hoped for. Ow! Oof! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

A mighty wind issues forth from betwixt your mighty cheeks, deafening you and plunging you into foulness. It's okay to do fart jokes if you do them with flair; just ask Shakespeare. Ouch! Eek! Argh! (stench damage)

Miss Message(s):

Its attack skills turn out to not be all they were cracked up to be.

It tries to hit you with its left cheek, but you cheekily dodge.

It tries to hit you with its right cheek, but you cheekily dodge.

It tries to deliver a crapload of pain, but its timing is off.

Fumble Message:

It makes a less than half-assed attempt to attack, and fails in an entirely whole-assed fashion.


After Combat


Occurs when using a photocopied monster of your butt.

Notes

References

  • "I said what? What?" is the first line of the lyrics of Samwell's hit, "What What (In the Butt)," and its subsequent Internet viral video.
  • Being hit on one cheek and turning the other one is a central Christian concept.
This page was last modified on 11 March 2011, at 20:01.
This page has been accessed 26,059 times.
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