Yog-Urt, Elder Goddess of Hatred
|Yog-Urt, Elder Goddess of Hatred|
The darkness tears open like a dry-rotted curtain, revealing a thing that I would simply call 'indescribable', except that it's my job to describe it to you, so here goes.
Picture a giant mass of writhing, undulating flesh that twists and roils like a pulsating fourth-dimensional tumor. In color, it's largely a pasty mottled corpse-white, but flushing with angry patches of red marked with bulging, throbbing veins. A cavernous maw opens in the center of the monstrosity. Other than the gibbering, lolling tongue and row after row of razor-sharp teeth, the mouth contains nothing -- by which I mean void, the total absence of anything at all, even the vacuum of space.
The being roars, a gurgling howl of pure elemental hatred, and you shout wordlessly in response. You hate her. You hate everything.
But most of all, with a white-hot passion that trivializes your hatred for all else, you hate yourself.
Yog-Urt roars with furious contempt, and your blood begins to boil. Yes, literally. Ooh! Argh! Ow!
Yog-Urt's teeth clamp down on your <throat>, and you can feel your blood draining away into the gulf between dimensions. Argh! Eek! Ooh!
Yog-Urt howls with abhorrence, malevolence, hostility, scorn, and any other synonym of 'hatred' I haven't used yet. Your eardrums violently burst. Ooh! Ouch! Eek!
A thick ropy tentacle of... whatever Yog-Urt's made of, whips out of her writhing bulk and wraps around your <throat>. Oof! Oof! Eek!
Yog-Urt unleashes a howl of total animosity toward the entirety of creation that causes the very cells of your body to hate each other. Their attempt to escape each others' company is painful in the extreme. Ugh! Ooh! Eek! Ow!
A tentacle snakes out of the horrible mass and attempts to strangle you, but you slip out of its grasp.
Yog-Urt roars with hatred, because I've run out of other terms to describe it. 'Hatred' barely looks like a word any more.
Yog-Urt's roar of contempt knocks you back several paces, but you manage to keep your footing.
Yog-Urt's mouth barely misses your <ear>. From her reaction, it seems that she hates missing even more than most other things.
Yog-Urt seems too consumed by her hatred to actually attack you, choosing to focus on gurgling and howling instead. (FUMBLE!)
You grind your teeth together so hard that your gums bleed.
You furiously pound your fists into the marble floor until you feel your knuckles crack.
Your hands clench into fists. Blood seeps from the gashes your fingernails make in your palms.
You howl in mindless rage until it hurts to breathe, and you can taste blood.
You scream and claw at your face. Your horrible, despicable face.
You attempt to simultaneously punch yourself in the jaw, and bite off your own fingers.
lose the fight:
As Yog-Urt's black blood spills into the water, your vision dims. Your last memory is of your own hands clutching your throat. Like, your actual throat, not just your neck.
You lose 12,585 hit points.
Upon winning the fight:
- Has 100% physical resistance.
- Immune to all stunning (single-round staggers and multi-round stuns).
- Has a soft damage cap of 100. Damage above 100 is reduced to
- If you are wearing Mer-kin prayerbeads, this message appears at the start of combat:
- The prayerbeads on your wrist begin to emit a deep purple light. Yog-Urt's tongue briefly recoils back into her horrible mouth.
- The lead-in to this fight leaves you with 1 turn of More Like a Suckrament, capping all your base stats at 30 and causing you to damage yourself for 80~90% of your maximum hit points each combat round. This effect will wear off after 8 rounds:
- The taste of that anchovy crap is finally gone from your mouth. Your self-loathing subsides. Not completely, but back down to your normal, pre-anchovy levels of self-loathing.
|You lose an effect: More Like a Suckrament|
- Having Mer-kin prayerbeads equipped reduces the duration of More Like a Suckrament by one round for each set of beads equipped.
- Any damage done to Yog-Urt by you or your familiar (even if the damage would be enough to kill Yog-Urt) while this effect is active will cause you to kill yourself:
- As Yog-Urt's black blood spills into the water, your vision dims. Your last memory is of your own hands clutching your throat. Like, your actual throat, not just your neck.
You lose 8,392 hit points.
- You cannot use any skills while this effect is active:
- You are too far gone, too consumed by hatred to exert that kind of control.
- You can only use any specific item once in this fight. Multiple types of healing items are suggested for this fight. Use healing items until the effect is gone, and then kill her. You may use skills once the debuff is gone. Useful healing items include:
- mer-kin healscroll (full HP)
- scented massage oil (full HP)
- soggy used band-aid (full HP)
Dreadsylvanian seed pod (full HP)Don't do this unless Suckrament has already worn off! (See below.)
- New Age healing crystal (+500 HP)
- extra-strength red potion (+200 HP)
- plaid bandage (+120-150 HP)
- red pixel potion (+100-120 HP)
- red potion (+100 HP)
- filthy poultice (+80-120 HP)
- gauze garter (+80-120 HP)
- green pixel potion (+40-60 HP, +30-40 MP)
- cartoon heart (+40-60 HP)
- red plastic oyster egg (+35-40 HP)
- palm-frond fan (+30-40 HP, +30-40 MP)
- Doc's Restorative Balm and a cast (+28-35 HP total).
- Doc's Ailment Ointment and Homeopathic Elixir (+26-30 HP total)
- You can take the opportunity to hit Yog-Urt with a big deleveling item while you're healing yourself. The sea lasso and Mer-kin mouthsoap are quite effective. Use the lasso first because it's a percent reduction and the soap is flat reduction.
- If you are having trouble healing yourself during the Suckrament rounds, unequip any items that give bonus muscle or HP. If that still doesn't cut it, reduce your muscle further with Explosion-flavored chewing gum or majorly poisoned, such as from Morto Moreto. Poison is preferred since not only are the different kinds of poisoned not mutually exclusive you can also use an anti-anti-antidote to bring your stats back up as soon as the Suckrament ends. You can also equip a Mer-kin gutgirdle for an absolute HP reduction of 300 points. Alternatively, Mer-kin cooljuice and/or Mer-kin smartjuice are quite effective.
- Note that your maximum HP cannot go below your base Muscle. When you gain the Suckrament effect, your HP will be adjusted accordingly. Having 30 HP is cheaper to heal than 300.
- If you somehow manage to remove the Suckrament effect early (via, for example, a Dreadsylvanian seed pod, or the Mini-Adventurer imitating a Seal Clubber), it actually doesn't help at all. Your stats go back to normal, but all other penalties of the effect remain for the full duration: you continue taking self-inflicted damage (much more than before, since your base Muscle is no longer 30), you still cannot injure Yog-Urt without dying, and you still cannot use skills.
- As with Shub-Jigguwatt, this monster's name is also a reference to the Cthulhu Mythos; in this case, Yog-sothoth.