Weapons

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Weapons are things adventurehrs use to hurt monsters, rocks, grass, small children, air, each other, and whatever else happens to get in their line of fire.

As a general rule:

In terms of weapon types, all weapons of the following types are ranged:

  • accordion
  • autopult
  • banjo
  • bong
  • boomerang
  • bow
  • can
  • catapult
  • crossbow
  • disco ball
  • euphemisms
  • guitar
  • gun
  • heavy blowgun
  • pistol
  • radio
  • rifle
  • sack
  • sitar
  • slingshot
  • superball
  • throwing spear
  • yo-yo
  • yoyo

Chefstaves, utensils, and saucepans are mysticality weapons, as is the special Periodical Paintbrush. All other items are generally melee weapons, although there are exceptions; for example, the lucky ball-and-chain is a ranged flail, the can of maces is a ranged club, and the heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr is a ranged axe.

If you're clumsy, you may fumble your weapon on some part of your body. Not only does this hurt, it allows your opponent to get a free hit on you. Which also hurts. And let's face it: everyone's a little clumsy.

Before an update on September 5th, 2012, weapons only had a power listed. The game would calculate damage by rolling for a number between 10% and 20% of the weapon's power. Following this update, damage scores were instead listed directly on the item's page, replacing power.

Name Damage Requirement Weapon Type Notes
Granny Hackleton's Gatling gun 30-60 70 Moxie 1-handed machine gun
Great Wolf's right paw 30-60 250 Muscle 1-handed claw
Great Wolf's rocket launcher 30-60 100 Moxie 2-handed bazooka
Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg 30-60 100 Muscle 2-handed staff
Unkillable Skeleton's sawsword 30-60 100 Muscle 2-handed sword
zombie accordion 30-60 250 Moxie 1-handed accordion
bag of unfinished business 23-45 200 Moxie 2-handed doggie bag
frying brainpan 23-45 200 Mysticality 1-handed saucepan
  • +40 Damage to Hot Spells
  • Enables the casting of 20-turn Sauceror buffs
  • Maximum MP +200
groping claw 23-45 200 Muscle 1-handed claw
hothammer 23-45 200 Muscle 1-handed club +50 Hot Damage
old dry bone 23-45 200 Muscle 1-handed club +50 Spooky Damage
remorseless knife 23-45 200 Muscle 1-handed knife Successful hit causes bleeding.
7-inch discus 20-40 85 Moxie 1-handed boomerang
antique spear 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed polearm
Bigger Bugfinder Blade 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed sword
  • All Attributes +11
  • Awarded to people who find major bugs or a lot of bugs
bindlestocking 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
Bloodbath 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed sword
  • So-So Resistance to All Elements (+2)
  • Regenerate 25-30 HP and MP per adventure
brand new key 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed knife
Brimstone Bludgeon 20-40 30 Muscle 1-handed club
Byte 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed sword
Chester's bag of candy 20-40 200 Moxie 2-handed ranged weapon
Coily™ 20-40 200 Moxie 2-handed spring
cozy bazooka 20-40 85 Moxie 2-handed bazooka
  • Moxie +15%
  • +20% Meat from Monsters
  • Makes you a much better diver
cozy scimitar 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed sword
cursed cutlass 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed sword
decaying wooden oar 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed club  
deep six-shooter 20-40 85 Moxie 1-handed pistol
diabolical crossbow 20-40 150 Moxie 1-handed crossbow
Dinsey's pizza cutter 20-40 100 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
dreadful glove 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed knife-glove
duct tape sword 20-39 82 Muscle 1-handed sword
El Vibrato energy spear 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed spear
FDKOL fire hose 20-40 85 Moxie 2-handed hose +200 Cold Damage
fetus-smashing club 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed club A custom item given to Bashy
fire axe 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed axe +200 Cold Damage
fish bazooka 20-40 85 Moxie 2-handed bazooka
fish scimitar 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed sword
fish stick 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed staff
Flail of the Seven Aspects 20-40 60 Muscle 1-handed flail
flamin' bindle 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
freezin' bindle 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
Frosty's arm 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed staff
Frosty's nailbat 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed club
Frosty's snowball sack 20-40 200 Moxie 1-handed sack +50 Cold Damage
garbage sticker 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed spear
giant fishhook 20-40 85 Moxie 2-handed spear  
giant shrimp fork 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed staff
  • Mysticality +20%
  • +10% Chance of Spell Critical Hit
  • Maximum MP +100
giant turkey leg 20-40 200 Muscle 3-handed club
Ginsu™ 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed sword
halibut 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed fish
Hodgman's whackin' stick 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed club
  • All Attributes +20%
  • On Critical: Insanity!
The Jokester's gun 20-40 50 Moxie 1-handed pistol
lawn dart 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed club
Meatcleaver 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed sword
Mer-kin digpick 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed axe
Mer-kin dodgeball 20-40 85 Moxie 2-handed dodgeball
Mer-kin dragnet 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed dragnet
Mer-kin finpaddle 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed club
Mer-kin hookspear 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed spear
Mer-kin switchblade 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed switchblade
miniature deck cannon 20-40 85 Moxie 2-handed handcannon
Mjolnir Jr. 20-40 85 Mysticality 1-handed utensil A custom item given to Thor the Mighty
non-stick pugil stick 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed club
octopus's spade 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed knife
Ol' Scratch's infernal pitchfork 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
pernicious cudgel 20-40 150 Muscle 1-handed club
Pigsticker of Violence 20-40 100 Muscle 1-handed knife
PVC staff 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed staff
rusty piece of rebar 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed club
rusty speargun 20-40 85 Moxie 1-handed pistol
rusty staff 20-40 85 Mysticality 2-handed staff
Seeger's Unstoppable Banjo 20-40 60 Moxie 2-handed banjo
skate blade 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed knife
skate board 20-40 85 Muscle 2-handed club
sleazy bindle 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
Sledgehammer of the Vælkyr 20-40 60 Muscle 1-handed club
slime-covered club 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed club
slime-covered shovel 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
slime-covered speargun 20-40 200 Moxie 1-handed pistol
slime-covered staff 20-40 200 Mysticality 2-handed staff
soap knife 20-40 60 Muscle 1-handed knife None
spooky bindle 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
Stick-Knife of Loathing 20-40 150 Muscle 1-handed knife
stinkin' bindle 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed polearm
super-sweet boom box 20-40 75 Moxie 1-handed radio
  • All Attributes +20%
  • Regenerate 5-10 HP and MP per adventure
  • Allows you to keep 4 songs in your head instead of 3.
Sword of Procedural Generation 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed sword
  • Varies player to player
teflon spatula 20-40 85 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
The Trickster's Trikitixa 20-40 60 Moxie 2-handed accordion
triple barreled barrel gun 20-40 85 Moxie 3-handed shotgun
  • Weapon Damage +100%
  • +10% Chance of Critical Hit
  • +25% Meat from Monsters
Truthsayer 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed sword
Uncle Hobo's highest bough 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed club
Underworld flail 20-40 150 Moxie 2-handed flail
Underworld truncheon 20-40 150 Muscle 2-handed club
velcro broadsword 20-40 85 Muscle 1-handed sword
velcro paddle ball 20-40 85 Moxie 1-handed flail
villainous scythe 20-40 150 Muscle 2-handed polearm
White Dragon Fang 20-40 200 Muscle 1-handed sword
Windsor Pan of the Source 20-40 60 Mysticality 1-handed saucepan
wolf whistle 20-40 85 Moxie 1-handed whistle
Wrath of the Capsaician Pastalords 20-40 60 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
Zim Merman's guitar 20-40 85 Moxie 2-handed guitar Ranged Damage +20
Zombo's shoulder blade 20-40 200 Muscle 2-handed sword
beer bong 19-38 80 Moxie 1-handed bong
beer-a-pult 19-38 80 Moxie 3-handed catapult
cast-iron legacy paddle 19-38 80 Muscle 2-handed club
fire poi 19-38 80 Moxie 2-handed flail
giant driftwood sculpture 19-38 80 Muscle 2-handed flail
massive sitar 19-38 80 Moxie 2-handed sitar
alarm accordion 18-36 75 Moxie 2-handed accordion
Bugfinder Blade 18-36 75 Muscle 2-handed sword
  • All Attributes +7
  • Awarded to people who find a few bugs
didgeridooka 18-36 75 Moxie 2-handed heavy blowgun Moxie +9
ghast iron cleaver 18-35 72 Muscle 1-handed club
goatskin umbrella 18-36 75 Muscle 1-handed umbrella +15 Stench Damage
honey dipper 18-35 72 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
oversized pipe 18-35 72 Muscle 1-handed club
perforated battle paddle 18-35 72 Muscle 2-handed club Weapon Damage +10
plexiglass pikestaff 18-36 75 Muscle 2-handed club
toy ray gun 18-35 72 Moxie 1-handed pistol
unsanitized scalpel 18-36 35 Muscle 1-handed knife
war tongs 18-36 75 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
ancient ice cream scoop 17-34 70 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +20
charming flute 17-34 70 Moxie 2-handed flute
combat fan 17-33 67 Muscle 1-handed flail
  • +3 Prismatic Damage
denim axe 17-34 70 Muscle 2-handed axe
Drowsy Sword 17-34 66 Muscle 2-handed sword
dwarvish war mattock 17-33 67 Muscle 1-handed axe
giant foam finger 17-34 70 Muscle 1-handed club Damage Reduction: +3
happiness 17-33 67 Moxie 1-handed pistol +12 Hot Damage
Maxwell's Silver Hammer 17-33 67 Muscle 1-handed club
peace accordion 17-34 70 Moxie 2-handed accordion
pygmy spear 17-33 67 Muscle 1-handed spear Muscle +7
red hot poker 17-33 67 Muscle 1-handed club
  • +15 Hot Damage
Saturday Night Special 17-33 67 Moxie 1-handed pistol
  • So-So Hot Resistance (+2)
short-handled mop 17-33 67 Muscle 1-handed polearm
star crossbow 17-33 67 Moxie 2-handed crossbow Moxie +8
star staff 17-33 67 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +8
star sword 17-33 67 Muscle 2-handed sword Muscle +8
accordionoid rocca 16-32 65 Moxie 2-handed accordion
  • Damage Reduction: 10 (First Hit Only)
  • Enables casting of 18-turn Accordion Thief buffs
  • Bonus for ATs only
antique machete 16-31 62 Muscle 1-handed sword Muscle +5%
arse-shooting crossbow 16-32 65 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
black blade 16-32 65 Muscle 1-handed knife
  • +10 Spooky Damage
  • Successful attacks restore some HP
black sword 16-32 65 Muscle 1-handed sword
breadchucks 16-31 62 Muscle 1-handed flail
coal shovel 16-32 65 Muscle 2-handed polearm
creepy-ass club 16-32 65 Muscle 2-handed club
cyber-mattock 16-32 65 Muscle 2-handed axe
evil-ass club 16-32 65 Muscle 2-handed club
fleetwood chain 16-31 62 Muscle 1-handed flail
  • Weapon Damage +5
frigid-ass club 16-32 65 Muscle 2-handed club
giant cactus quill 16-32 65 Muscle 1-handed spear
  • +7% [[Critical Hit Chance}chance]] of Critical Hit
  • Maximum HP +30
giant discarded plastic fork 16-31 62 Muscle 3-handed staff
giant safety pin 16-31 62 Muscle 1-handed spear
half-size scalpel 16-31 62 Muscle 1-handed knife
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr 16-32 65 Moxie 2-handed axe Weapon Damage +16
hot-ass club 16-32 65 Muscle 2-handed club
jungle drum 16-32 65 Moxie 2-handed drum
magilaser blastercannon 16-31 62 Moxie 2-handed laser cannon
nasty-ass club 16-32 65 Muscle 2-handed club
The Nuge's favorite crossbow 16-32 30 Moxie 1-handed crossbow
pewter claymore 16-31 62 Muscle 2-handed sword Regenerate 6-12 HP and MP per adventure
pointed stick 16-32 65 Muscle 1-handed spear
tommy gun 16-32 65 Moxie 2-handed rifle
trout fang 16-32 65 Muscle 1-handed knife
X-37 gun 16-32 65 Moxie 1-handed pistol
  • Attack damage in a random element
  • Can break in combat, damaging player
yohohoyo 16-32 65 Moxie 1-handed yoyo
a butt tuba 15-29 57 Moxie 2-handed horn +15 Sleaze Damage
automatic catapult 15-30 60 Moxie 2-handed autopult  
backwoods banjo 15-30 50 Moxie 2-handed banjo
batblade 15-29 57 Muscle 1-handed knife Weapon Damage +15
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme 15-30 60 Muscle 2-handed polearm?  
bugbear-smiting sword 15-30 60 Muscle 2-handed sword
C.B.F.G. 15-30 60 Moxie 2-handed rifle
C.H.U.M. knife 15-30 175 Muscle 1-handed knife +30 Stench Damage
candy knife 15-30 40 Muscle 1-handed knife None
club of the five seasons 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed club
double barreled barrel gun 15-30 60 Moxie 2-handed shotgun
drywall axe 15-30 60 Muscle 2-handed axe
  • All Attributes +2
  • All Attributes +3%
flaming sword 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed sword
  • +20 Hot Damage
  • +10% chance of Spell Critical Hit
  • Never Fumble
giant artisanal rice peeler 15-30 60 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +15
giant needle 15-30 60 Muscle 2-handed spear Monster Level +5
grassy cutlass 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed sword Weapon Damage +11
grease cannon 15-30 35 Moxie 1-handed bazooka
Grimacite gat 15-30 40 Moxie 1-handed gun
heavy leather-bound tome 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed club Successful hit weakens opponent
heteroerotic frat-paddle 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed club A custom item given to Mr Skullhead
immense cyborg hand 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed club
keel-haulin' knife 15-30 60 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +17
love 15-30 35 Moxie 1-handed pistol
mercenary rifle 15-30 30 Moxie 2-handed rifle
  • Ranged Damage +20
  • Combat Initiative +50%
  • Allows the Use of Specialty Ammunition
obsidian nutcracker 15-30 60 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
  • Spell Damage +30%
Othello's dagger 15-30 50 Muscle 1-handed knife +10 Othello Skill
Pener's drumstick 15-30 35 Muscle 1-handed club
pipe wrench 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed club Weapon Damage +8
pygmy concertinette 15-30 60 Moxie 1-handed accordion
Radio Free Foil 15-30 60 Muscle 2-handed sword
rainbow crossbow 15-30 60 Moxie 1-handed crossbow
spectral axe 15-30 50 Muscle 1-handed axe
star spatula 15-30 60 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +15
toxic mop 15-30 50 Muscle 2-handed polearm
vibrating cyborg knife 15-30 55 Muscle 1-handed sword
witty rapier 15-30 60 Muscle 1-handed sword +2 Stat Gains from Fights (Myst substat only)
world's smallest violin 15-30 60 Moxie 1-handed violin
acoustic guitarrr 14-28 55 Moxie 2-handed guitar +8% Meat from Monsters
armgun 14-28 55 Moxie 2-handed machine gun
black kettle drum 14-28 55 Moxie 2-handed drum
broken sword 14-27 52 Muscle 1-handed sword Slight Spooky Resistance
carob cannon 14-27 45 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
crowbar 14-28 55 Muscle 1-handed club Combat Initiative +25%
frozen seal spine 14-28 55 Muscle 1-handed club
gatorskin umbrella 14-28 100 Muscle 1-handed umbrella
ghost accordion 14-28 55 Moxie 2-handed accordion
  • +5 Spooky Damage
  • +15% Booze Drops from Monsters
  • Enables casting of 16-turn Accordion Thief buffs
  • Bonus for ATs only
hairy staff 14-27 45 Muscle 2-handed staff
ram-battering staff 14-27 52 Muscle 2-handed staff
rave whistle 14-27 52 Moxie 1-handed whistle
ridiculously huge sword 14-28 55 Muscle 3-handed sword
silver cheese-slicer 14-28 55 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +10%
silver paté knife 14-28 55 Mysticality 1-handed utensil +5% chance of Spell Critical Hit
Spirit Precipice 14-27 45 Muscle 2-handed sword
star boomerang 14-27 52 Moxie 1-handed boomerang Moxie +5
star stiletto 14-27 52 Muscle 1-handed knife Muscle +5
autocalliope 13-26 50 Moxie 2-handed accordion
bad-ass club 13-26 50 Muscle 2-handed club
bastard baster 13-25 47 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
  • Spell Damage +20%
battery-powered drill 13-25 47 Muscle 1-handed drill
  • Spell Damage +100%
  • Maximum HP/MP +50
  • +10 to Monster Level
  • +10% Meat from Monsters
beaver spear 13-25 47 Muscle 1-handed spear
crazy bastard sword 13-25 25 Muscle 1-handed sword
curmudgel 13-25 47 Muscle 1-handed club
ga-ga radio 13-25 47 Moxie 2-handed radio
Grimacite glaive 13-25 47 Muscle 2-handed polearm
hand-carved bokken 13-26 30 Muscle 1-handed sword
hand-carved bow 13-26 30 Moxie 2-handed bow
hand-carved staff 13-26 30 Muscle 2-handed staff
hot cross bow 13-26 45 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
huge mosquito proboscis 13-25 47 Muscle 1-handed spear
  • Regenerate 8-12 HP per adventure
  • Maximum HP +20
leechknife 13-25 47 Muscle 1-handed knife
  • Maximum HP +10
  • Maximum MP +5
  • Regenerate 4-6 HP and MP per adventure
lucky ball-and-chain 13-26 50 Moxie 2-handed flail  
meatspout staff 13-25 45 Muscle 2-handed staff
oil pan 13-26 47 Mysticality 1-handed saucepan
  • Mysticality +10%
  • Enables the casting of 12-turn Sauceror buffs
pitchfork 8-15 22 Muscle 1-handed spear Weapon Damage +7
projectile icemaker 13-25 45 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
shuddersword 13-25 45 Muscle 2-handed sword
smoldering staff 13-25 45 Muscle 2-handed staff
staph of homophones 13-26 45 Muscle 2-handed staff
sword behind inappropriate prepositions 13-26 45 Muscle 2-handed sword
titanium assault umbrella 13-26 50 Muscle 1-handed umbrella Slight Resistance to All Elements
asbestos sword 12-24 45 Muscle 2-handed sword
bone and arrows 12-24 45 Moxie 2-handed bow +30 Damage vs. Skeletons
bone crusher 12-24 45 Muscle 1-handed club +30 Damage vs. Skeletons
buffalo blade 12-24 45 Muscle 2-handed sword
carrot-on-a-stick 12-24 45 Moxie 1-handed flail
  • Moxie +7
  • +50% Candy Drops from Monsters
chrome crossbow 12-24 45 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
elevenderizing hammer 12-23 11 Muscle 1-handed club
giant cheesestick 12-24 45 Muscle 2-handed staff
gummi sword 12-24 45 Muscle 1-handed sword
  • Muscle +7
  • +50% Candy Drops from Monsters
half-melted spoon 12-23 42 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
Jacob's rung 12-24 45 Mysticality 1-handed staff
lawnmower blade 12-24 45 Muscle 2-handed sword Weapon Damage +15
linoleum staff 12-24 45 Muscle 2-handed staff
lupine sword 12-23 42 Muscle 1-handed sword
non-Euclidean non-accordion 12-23 42 Moxie 2-handed accordion
ocarina of space 12-24 45 Moxie 2-handed flute
old school Mafia knicke½æ 12-23 41 Mysticality 1-handed sword Ranged Damage +27
porcelain police baton 12-24 40 Muscle 1-handed club
  • Part of the Ceramic Suit
  • Maximum MP +20
  • Muscle +20%
  • Your Smacks Restore MP
potato pistol 12-24 45 Moxie 1-handed pistol
ram stick 12-23 42 Muscle 2-handed staff Moxie +5
Ruby Rod 12-24 40 Muscle 1-handed rod Used in the Future quest
serpentine sword 12-23 42 Muscle 1-handed sword
silver shrimp fork 12-24 45 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
Sword of Dark Omens 12-24 None 1-handed sword
two-handed depthsword 12-24 45 Muscle 2-handed sword  
Accordion of Jordion 11-21 37 Moxie 2-handed accordion
asbestos crossbow 11-22 40 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
bone flute 11-22 40 Moxie 2-handed flute +11 Spooky Damage
chrome staff 11-22 40 Muscle 2-handed staff
ghostly dagger 11-22 40 Muscle 1-handed knife
haunted paddle-ball 11-22 40 Moxie 1-handed flail
hawk 11-22 40 Muscle 1-handed saw
iron pasta spoon 11-22 40 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +10
linoleum sword 11-22 40 Muscle 2-handed sword
machetito 11-22 40 Muscle 1-handed sword Weapon Damage +9
mannequin leg 11-22 40 Muscle 1-handed club
sack of doorknobs 11-22 40 Moxie 2-handed sack  
wicker sticker 11-22 None 1-handed knife
asbestos staff 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed staff
bamboo bokuto 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed sword  
barrel gun 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed pistol
big stirring stick 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed staff
Bonestabber 10-20 None 1-handed sword
bottle-rocket crossbow 10-20 None 1-handed crossbow
bounty-hunting rifle 10-20 25 Moxie 2-handed rifle
bow staff 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed staff
can of fake snow 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed can
candlestick 10-20 None 1-handed wand
chocolate cow bone 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed club
  • +30% Candy Drops from Monsters
  • Candilicious Smacks!
chrome sword 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed sword
Crimbo sword 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed sword
Crimbomination Contraption 10-20 None 2-handed club  
depleted Grimacite hammer 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed club
duck-on-a-string 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed flail
elf ploughshare 10-20 None 1-handed sword
elven tambourine 10-20 None 1-handed rattle
exclusive club 10-20 None 1-handed club
  • It's very exclusive!
elven whittling knife 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed knife Does extra damage on criticals
flaming juggler's balls 10-20 None 1-handed euphemisms
Frankly Mr. Shank 10-20 None 1-handed knife
  • Disco Bandit Combat Skills weaken enemies by an additional 25%
  • +5 Smithsness
  • Moxie +X%
  • (+% to Moxie Based on Smithsness)
  • (Bonus for Disco Bandits only)
giant candy cane 10-20 None 2-handed staff
goulauncher 10-20 35 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
haiku katana 10-20 None 1-handed sword
Hand that Rocks the Ladle 10-20 None 1-handed utensil
ice nine 10-20 None 1-handed pistol
ice sickle 10-20 None 1-handed knife
iFlail 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed flail
infernal toilet brush 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed club
kiwi beak 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed sword
knife 10-20 None 1-handed knife
The Landscaper's leafblower 10-20 35 Moxie 2-handed leafblower +1-25 Monster Level based on number of combats with leafblower equipped
lead pipe 10-20 None 1-handed club
lightning rod 10-20 None 1-handed staff
linoleum crossbow 10-20 35 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
Loathing Legion chainsaw 10-20 None 2-handed chainsaw
Loathing Legion double prism 10-20 None 1-handed prism
Loathing Legion flamethrower 10-20 None 2-handed flamethrower
Loathing Legion hammer 10-20 None 1-handed hammer
macroplane grater 10-20 35 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
  • Spell Damage +10%
madius 10-20 36 Muscle 1-handed sword
Mafia violin case 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed club
Meat Tenderizer is Murder 10-20 None 1-handed club
Moonthril Flamberge 10-20 40 Muscle 2-handed sword
Moonthril Longbow 10-20 40 Moxie 2-handed bow
origami riding crop 10-20 None 1-handed crop
oversized pizza cutter 10-20 35 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +13
papier-mâchéte 10-20 20 Muscle 1-handed sword
  • Weapon Damage +10
  • All Attributes +15%
  • Makes actions more exciting
papier-mâchine gun 10-20 20 Moxie 1-handed pistol
  • Ranged Damage +10
  • All Attributes +15%
  • Makes actions more exciting
Periodical Paintbrush 10-20 None 1-handed artsything
  • A prize item given to winners of the first calendar art contest
  • All Attributes +0-25%
  • Boost based on Grimace darkness
  • Cannot equip in Hardcore
plastic guitar 10-20 35 Moxie 2-handed guitar
plastic nunchaku 10-20 10 Muscle 2-handed flail
prehistoric spear 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed throwing spear +5% Chance of Critical Hit
Rain-Doh violet bo 10-20 None 2-handed staff
  • +11 Sleaze Damage
  • Moxie +11
Rain-Doh yellow laser gun 10-20 None 1-handed pistol
  • Successful hit weakens opponent.
  • Super Accurate!
reindeer hammer 10-20 None 1-handed club
  • All Attributes +10
reindeer sickle 10-20 None 1-handed claw
  • Successful hit causes bleeding.
revolver 10-20 None 1-handed pistol
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon 10-20 35 Muscle 3-handed ...weapon
right bear arm 10-20 None 1-handed club
roboduck-on-a-string 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed flail
rusted-out shootin' iron 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed club
  • +10% Meat from Monsters
  • Ranged Damage +50
  • Monsters will be less attracted to you.
Saucepanic 10-20 None 1-handed saucepan
  • +2 Mysticality Stat(s) Per Fight
  • +5 Smithsness
  • Mysticality +X%
  • (+% to Mysticality Based on Smithsness)
  • Lets you gather more Soulsauce
  • Enables the casting of 15-turn Sauceror buffs
  • (Bonus for Saucerors only)
scratch 'n' sniff crossbow 10-20 None 1-handed crossbow
  • Actual power can vary with player level
  • Enchantments can be added with stickers
scratch 'n' sniff sword 10-20 None 1-handed sword
  • Actual power can vary with player level
  • Enchantments can be added with stickers
sewage-clogged pistol 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed pistol
Shakespeare's Sister's Accordion 10-20 None 2-handed accordion
sharpened spoon 10-20 20 Muscle 1-handed knife None
Sheila Take a Crossbow 10-20 None 1-handed crossbow
  • Regenerate 1-2 HP and MP per adventure
  • +5% Pickpocket Chance
  • +5 Smithsness
  • Combat Initiative +X%
  • (+Initiative based on Smithsness)"
silent pea shooter 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed slingshot
Sneaky Pete's basket 10-20 None 1-handed basket
snow shovel 10-20 None 2-handed polearm
soul knife 10-20 None 1-handed knife Can harm True Mimes
soylent staff 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed staff
space heater 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed pistol
  • +12 Hot Damage
  • So-So Cold Resistance (+2)
space needle 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed sword
Space Tourist Phaser 10-20 35 Moxie 1-handed pistol This Phaser is set to Fun
spiked femur 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed club +6 Spooky Damage
Spooky Putty ball 10-20 None 1-handed superball
Staff of Ed (Actually Ed the Undying) 10-20 None 1-handed staff
  • Quest item
  • Mysticality +25%
  • Spell Damage +25%
  • Regenerate 2-6 MP per adventure
  • +5 Pool Skill
Staff of Fats 10-20 35 Mysticality 2-handed staff
  • +5 Pool Skill
Staff of Fats (Actually Ed the Undying) 10-20 35 Mysticality 2-handed staff
  • +5 Pool Skill
steel sword 10-20 20 Muscle 1-handed sword
stinky cheese sword 10-20 None 1-handed sword
sugar shank 10-20 None 1-handed knife
sugar shillelagh 10-20 None 2-handed club
sugar shotgun 10-20 None 1-handed pistol
Super Crimboman Ultra Mega Hypersword 10-20 35 Muscle 2-handed sword Prismatic Damage +5
Super Magic Power Sword X 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed sword
Thor's Pliers 10-20 None 1-handed pliers
time sword 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed sword
tin drum 10-20 None 2-handed drum
tin foil 10-20 None 1-handed sword
Tropical Crimbo Sword 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed sword
Trusty 10-20 None 2-handed axe
  • Quest item in AoB run
vampire duck-on-a-string 10-20 35 Muscle 1-handed flail
Work is a Four Letter Sword 10-20 None 1-handed sword
wrench 10-20 None 1-handed utensil
  • Maximum MP +50
  • Spell Damage +100%
  • Item will disappear at the end of the day
17-alarm Saucepan 9-18 15 Mysticality 1-handed saucepan
ancient stone fist 9-17 27 Muscle 1-handed club
anger blaster 9-17 30 Moxie 1-handed forearm replacement +10 Hot Damage
Cerebral Crossbow 9-18 30 Moxie 1-handed crossbow
Chelonian Morningstar 9-18 15 Muscle 1-handed flail
debonair deboner 9-18 30 Muscle 1-handed club
depleted Grimacite kneecapping stick 9-18 30 Muscle 1-handed club +ceil(Grimace darkness/2)% Chance of Critical Hit
doubt cannon 9-17 30 Moxie 1-handed forearm replacement
elegant nightstick 9-18 30 Muscle 1-handed club
  • Maximum HP +30
  • Maximum MP +15
fear condenser 9-17 30 Moxie 1-handed forearm replacement
foot-long hot daub 9-17 27 Muscle 2-handed club
grass whistle 9-18 35 Moxie 1-handed whistle
Greek Pasta Spoon of Peril 9-18 15 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
Hammer of Smiting 9-18 15 Muscle 1-handed club
huge spoon 9-18 30 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +10
icy-hot katana 9-18 30 Muscle 2-handed sword
kneecapping stick 9-18 30 Muscle 1-handed club +8% Chance of Critical Hit
magic whistle 9-17 27 Moxie 1-handed whistle
ninja mop 9-18 30 Muscle 2-handed polearm Weapon Damage +5
pentatonic accordion 9-18 30 Moxie 2-handed accordion
plasma rifle 9-18 None 1-handed rifle
  • Quest item
  • Ranged Damage +20
regret hose 9-17 30 Moxie 1-handed forearm replacement
Shagadelic Disco Banjo 9-18 15 Moxie 2-handed banjo
Squeezebox of the Ages 9-18 15 Moxie 2-handed accordion
stainless steel shillelagh 9-18 30 Muscle 1-handed club
vorpal blade 9-18 30 Muscle 1-handed sword
4-dimensional guitar 8-16 50 Moxie 2-handed guitar
7-Foot Dwarven mattock 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed axe
boilgun 8-16 25 Moxie 2-handed rifle
bone bandoneon 8-16 25 Moxie 2-handed accordion
broken beer bottle 8-15 10 Muscle 1-handed knife
bubble bauble bow 8-16 25 Moxie 2-handed bow
can cannon 8-15 22 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
candy stick 8-16 25 Mysticality 1-handed staff
  • Spell Damage +50%
  • +40% Candy Drops from Monsters
chopsticks 8-15 23 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
clockwork crossbow 8-16 25 Moxie 1-handed crossbow
clockwork staff 8-16 25 Mysticality 2-handed staff
clockwork sword 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed sword
corrupt club of corrupt corruption 8-16 25 Muscle 1-handed club
Crimbo ukulele 8-16 20 Moxie 2-handed guitar +10% Items from Monsters
crowbarrr 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed staff Combat Initiative +15%
crystalline reamer 8-15 22 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
  • Spell Damage +10
elephant stinger 8-15 22 Muscle 2-handed spear
flypaper staff 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed staff
frigid hankyū 8-16 25 Moxie 2-handed bow
frozen nunchaku 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed flail
giant spider leg 8-15 22 Muscle 2-handed club
goblin autoblowgun 8-16 25 Moxie 2-handed blowgun
goblin hunting spear 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed spear
grass blade 8-16 25 Muscle 1-handed sword
Knob Goblin melon baller 8-16 25 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +8
lead yo-yo 8-16 25 Moxie 1-handed yo-yo  
logging hatchet 8-15 22 Muscle 1-handed axe Weapon Damage +5
Meteoid ice beam 8-16 25 Moxie 1-handed gun
pixel morning star 8-15 22 Muscle 1-handed whip All Attributes +5
quantum disintegrator pistol 8-15 22 Moxie 1-handed pistol +15% Damage vs. Bugbears
rib of the Bonerdagon 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed staff
rusty grave robbing shovel 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed polearm
savory crossbow 8-16 25 Moxie 2-handed crossbow Moxie +4
savory staff 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +4
savory sword 8-16 25 Muscle 1-handed sword Muscle +4
severed flipper 8-16 25 Muscle 1-handed club
spooky bicycle chain 8-16 25 Muscle 1-handed flail
squeaky staff 8-15 22 Muscle 2-handed staff
sword of static 8-15 22 Muscle 1-handed sword
swordzall 8-16 25 Muscle 1-handed sword
  • Weapon Damage +8
  • Maximum MP +10
ultimate ultimate frisbee 8-15 22 Moxie 1-handed frisbee
wholeberd 8-16 25 Muscle 2-handed polearm Weapon Damage +6
wiffle-flail 8-15 22 Muscle 2-handed flail
25-meat staff 7-14 20 Muscle 2-handed staff  
accord ion 7-14 20 Moxie 1-handed accordion
double-barreled sling 7-14 20 Moxie 1-handed sling
finger cymbals 7-13 17 Moxie 1-handed cymbals Maximum MP +20
flaming cardboard sword 7-14 20 Muscle 1-handed sword
flamingo mallet 7-14 20 Muscle 2-handed club
Frost™ brand sword 7-14 20 Muscle 1-handed sword
gnawed-up dog bone 7-14 20 Muscle 1-handed club
  • +5 to Familiar Weight
  • +1 Familiar Experience Per Combat
grease gun 7-13 17 Moxie 1-handed pistol
hippy bongo 7-14 20 Moxie 1-handed drum +5 Stench Damage
homoerotic frat-paddle 7-14 20 Muscle 1-handed club
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow 7-14 20 Moxie 2-handed crossbow Moxie +5
Kentucky-fried meat staff 7-14 20 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword 7-14 20 Muscle 2-handed sword Muscle +5
repeating crossbow 7-13 17 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
slide rule 7-13 17 Muscle 1-handed sword
Totally Gay Claymore 7-14 19 Muscle 2-handed sword A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
accordion file 6-12 15 Moxie 2-handed accordion Regenerate 2-4 MP per adventure
boxing glove on a spring 6-11 12 Moxie 1-handed club
BRICKO sword 6-12 None 2-handed club
bubblewrap crossbow 6-12 15 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
bubblewrap staff 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed staff
bubblewrap sword 6-12 15 Muscle 1-handed sword
cardboard crossbow 6-12 15 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
cardboard staff 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed staff
cardboard sword 6-12 15 Muscle 1-handed sword
dense meat crossbow 6-12 15 Moxie 2-handed crossbow Moxie +3
dense meat staff 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +3
dense meat sword 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed sword Muscle +3
diamond-studded cane 6-12 15 Muscle 1-handed club
eXtreme meat crossbow 6-12 15 Moxie 2-handed crossbow Moxie +7
eXtreme meat staff 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed sword Muscle +7
filthy pestle 6-12 15 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +7
flaming crutch 6-12 15 Muscle 1-handed club +3 Hot Damage
glistening staff 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed staff
Gnollish autoplunger 6-12 15 Muscle 3-handed spear Mysticality +3
infernal fife 6-11 12 Moxie 2-handed flute +7 Hot Damage
knob bugle 6-12 15 Moxie 1-handed horn Successful hit weakens opponent
Knob Goblin elite polearm 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed polearm
muculent machete 6-12 15 Muscle 1-handed sword
pair of bolt cutters 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed club Delevels on hit
poutine pole 6-11 12 Muscle 2-handed staff
ratarang 6-12 15 Moxie 1-handed boomerang
sabre teeth 6-12 15 Muscle 1-handed knife Weapon Damage +4
shotgun 6-12 None 1-handed
  • Quest item
  • Ranged Damage +10
slightly peevedbow 6-12 15 Moxie 2-handed bow  
styrofoam crossbow 6-12 15 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
styrofoam staff 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed staff
styrofoam sword 6-12 15 Muscle 1-handed sword
wooden axe 6-12 15 Muscle 2-handed axe Muscle +3
5-Alarm Saucepan 5-10 10 Mysticality 1-handed saucepan
astral bludgeon 5-10 None 2-handed club
astral longbow 5-10 None 2-handed bow
astral mace 5-10 None 1-handed club
astral pistol 5-10 None 1-handed pistol
Ax of L'rose 5-10 None 2-handed axe  
balloon sword 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed sword
bal-musette accordion 5-10 None 2-handed accordion
basic meat spork 5-9 7 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
Bjorn's Hammer 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed club
blammer 5-10 None 1-handed club
  • +7% chance of Critical Hit
  • Successful hit weakens opponent.
blunt icepick 5-10 None 1-handed club
  • +15 Cold Damage
boot knife 5-10 None 1-handed knife None
butterfly knife 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed knife Moxie +6
Cajun accordion 5-10 None 2-handed accordion
can of maces 5-10 10 Moxie 1-handed club
cheap plastic kazoo 5-10 10 Moxie 1-handed kazoo +10 to Monster Level
clock-cleaning hammer 5-10 None 1-handed club Weapon Damage +20
curdflinger 5-9 7 Moxie 1-handed crossbow
deathchucks 5-10 10 Muscle 2-handed flail
Disco Banjo 5-10 10 Moxie 2-handed banjo
dripping meat crossbow 5-10 10 Moxie 2-handed crossbow Moxie +2
dripping meat staff 5-10 10 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +2
dripping meat sword 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed sword Muscle +2
fluorescent lightbulb 5-10 None 1-handed club Maximum MP +30
gift-a-pult 5-10 None 2-handed giftapult Allows hurling of Gift Items
glow-in-the-dark dart gun 5-10 None 1-handed pistol
guancertina 5-10 10 Moxie 2-handed accordion
Hammerus 5-10 None 1-handed club
  • +15 Spooky Damage
high-energy mining laser 5-10 None 2-handed rifle
high-temperature mining drill 5-10 None 2-handed drill
  • Allows Mining in the Velvet / Gold Mine
inflatable baseball bat 5-10 None 2-handed club Weapon Damage +30
iron dagger 5-10 None 1-handed knife
Knob Goblin deluxe scimitar 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed sword Muscle +5
law-abiding citizen cane 5-10 None 1-handed club +5 Maximum Hooch
Mace of the Tortoise 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed mace
mercenary pistol 5-10 10 Moxie 1-handed pistol
  • All Attributes +10
  • Never Fumble
  • Allows the Use of Specialty Ammunition
office-supply crossbow 5-10 10 Moxie 2-handed crossbow
Pasta Spoon of Peril 5-10 10 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
pestoblade 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed sword
pixel boomerang 5-10 10 Moxie 1-handed boomerang +5% Items from Monsters
pixel chain whip 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed whip All Attributes +4
pixel sword 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed sword
poison pen 5-10 None 1-handed knife 75% chance of poisoning opponent
polyester peeler 5-10 None 1-handed utensil
  • Part of the Synthetic Suit
  • Spell Damage +20%
  • Regenerate 2-4 MP per adventure
  • Increases the Damage of Stuffed Mortar Shell
pottery club 5-10 None 1-handed club +5 Hot Damage
pottery yo-yo 5-10 None 1-handed yo-yo +5 Hot Damage
quirky accordion 5-10 None 2-handed accordion
Red Rover BB gun 5-10 10 Moxie 2-handed gun
Rock and Roll Legend 5-10 10 Moxie 2-handed accordion
Skipper's accordion 5-10 10 Moxie 2-handed accordion
sucker tachi 5-10 None 1-handed weapon Weapon Damage +10
tambourine 5-10 10 Moxie 1-handed drum
  • Maximum HP +20
  • Maximum MP +20
toy Crimbot power glove 5-10 None 1-handed knuckles
  • Part of the Crimbot Crimboutfit
  • Weapon Damage +15
  • +1 Crimbot Outfit Power
  • Allows use of ZAP in combat
Unionize The Elves sign 5-10 10 Muscle 1-handed club
warbear exhaust manifold 5-10 None 2-handed accordion
warbear oil pan 5-10 None 1-handed saucepan
wooden spoon 5-10 10 Mysticality 1-handed utensil
  • Spell Damage +5
worm-riding hooks 5-10 None 2-handed club  
big bass drum 4-7 2 Moxie 2-handed drum
calavera concertina 4-8 5 Moxie 2-handed accordion
corrupt club of corruption 4-8 5 Muscle 1-handed club
Dr. Hobo's scalpel 4-7 2 Muscle 1-handed knife
dreadlock whip 4-8 5 Muscle 1-handed whip
dueling banjo 4-8 5 Moxie 2-handed banjo
Gnollish flyswatter 4-7 2 Muscle 1-handed club  
Gnollish plunger 4-7 2 Muscle 1-handed spear  
half-sized guitar 4-8 5 Moxie 2-handed guitar
ironic battle spoon 4-8 5 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +10
jack flapper 4-7 2 Mysticality 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +5
mama's squeezebox 4-8 5 Moxie 2-handed accordion
plastic replica blaster pistol 4-8 None 1-handed
  • Combat Initiative +20%
  • Ranged Damage +20
  • This item disappears at the end of the day
pocket theremin 4-7 2 Moxie 2-handed theremin +4 Spooky Damage
pool cue 4-8 None 2-handed staff Moxie +3
rubber axe 4-8 5 Muscle 2-handed axe +2 Sleaze Damage
sealhide whip 4-7 2 Muscle 1-handed whip +25 Cold Damage
spooky staff 4-7 2 Muscle 2-handed staff
starchy crossbow 4-8 5 Moxie 1-handed crossbow Moxie +3
starchy staff 4-8 5 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +3
starchy sword 4-8 5 Muscle 1-handed sword Muscle +3
suede shortsword 4-8 5 Muscle 1-handed sword  
weighted paperclip chain 4-8 None 2-handed flail Weapon Damage +12
western-style skinning knife 4-8 5 Muscle 1-handed knife
white sword 4-8 5 Muscle 1-handed sword Muscle +2
amok putter 3-6 None 2-handed club
  • +9 Hot Damage
  • +9 Cold Damage
  • Combat Initiative +18%
Bananubis's Staff 3-6 None 1-handed
  • Quest item
  • -6 Luck
  • Raise Skeleton Buddies
baritone accordion 3-6 None 2-handed accordion
Barney's rake 3-5 None 2-handed polearm
bat whip 3-6 None 1-handed whip
beer-soaked mop 3-6 None 2-handed polearm +3 Sleaze Damage
bone rattle 3-6 None 1-handed rattle +4 Spooky Damage
breadwand 3-5 None 1-handed wand
cardboard katana 3-6 None 1-handed sword
cardboard wakizashi 3-6 None 1-handed sword
cheap plastic blowgun 3-5 None 1-handed blowgun 50% chance of poisoning opponent
cheap plastic bottle opener 3-6 None 1-handed utensil +2 Sleaze Damage
Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife 3-6 None 1-handed knife Restore 0-2 MP on successful hit
eggbeater 3-5 None 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +2
electric crutch 3-6 None 1-handed staff Spell Damage +30
evil paper umbrella 3-6 None 1-handed umbrella +1 Monster Level
Gnollish slotted spoon 3-5 None 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +3
grave robbing shovel 3-6 None 2-handed polearm
halfberd 3-6 None 1-handed polearm Weapon Damage +2
huge mirror shard 3-6 None 1-handed knife Weapon Damage +5
Knob Goblin spatula 3-6 None 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +4
little paper umbrella 3-6 None 1-handed umbrella Spell Damage +1
obsidian dagger 3-6 10 Muscle 1-handed knife
out-of-tune biwa 3-6 None 2-handed guitar Ranged Damage +2
palm-frond whip 3-5 None 1-handed whip
parasitic claw 3-6 None 1-handed club
portable corkscrew 3-6 None 1-handed utensil
rattail whip 3-6 None 1-handed whip
rubber band gun 3-6 None 1-handed pistol Moxie +5
rubber spatula 3-5 None 1-handed utensil
  • Spell Damage +2
sewer snake 3-6 None 1-handed flail
shiny butcherknife 3-6 None 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +5
skeleton bone 3-6 None 1-handed club +1 Spooky Damage
spooky stick 3-6 None 2-handed staff +2 Spooky Damage
spork 3-6 None 1-handed utensil Muscle +2
stone banjo 3-5 None 2-handed banjo Moxie +1
sturdy machete 3-6 None 1-handed sword
  • Quest item
  • Weapon Damage +5
tail o' nine cats 3-6 None 1-handed whip
third-hand nunchaku 3-6 7 Muscle 2-handed flail Weapon Damage +3
throwing wrench 3-6 None 1-handed club Delevels on hit
trusty torch 3-6 None 1-handed club +3 Hot Damage
trusty whip 3-6 None 1-handed whip
  • Quest item, Spelunky only
Wand of Nagamar 3-6 None 1-handed wand  
wooden stakes 3-5 None 2-handed spear Weapon Damage +1
asparagus knife 2-3 None 1-handed knife +1 Stench Damage
basic meat crossbow 2-4 5 Moxie 2-handed crossbow Moxie +1
basic meat staff 2-4 5 Muscle 2-handed staff Mysticality +1
basic meat sword 2-4 5 Muscle 2-handed sword Muscle +1
beer-battered accordion 2-4 None 2-handed accordion
  • +2 Sleaze Damage
  • (Bonus for Accordion Thieves only)
bonerang 2-4 None 1-handed boomerang +10 Damage vs. Skeletons
boning knife 2-4 None 1-handed knife +10 Damage vs. Skeletons
cap gun 2-4 None 1-handed pistol
club of corruption 2-4 None 1-handed club
corn holder 2-4 None 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +1
dented harmonica 2-4 None 1-handed horn Mysticality +1
dishrag 2-4 None 1-handed whip +3 Stench Damage
fouet de tortue-dressage 2-4 None 1-handed whip
gnauga hide whip 2-4 None 1-handed whip
Gnollish pie server 2-4 None 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +3
hippo whip 2-4 None 1-handed whip Monster Level +10
Knob Goblin scimitar 2-3 None 1-handed sword Muscle +1
Knob Goblin tongs 2-4 None 1-handed utensil Spell Damage +2
penguin whip 2-4 None 1-handed whip +3% Meat from Monsters
remaindered axe 2-4 None 1-handed club
  • Muscle +2
  • Weapon Damage +2
scorpion whip 2-4 None 1-handed whip
slingshot 2-4 None 2-handed slingshot  
soup-chucks 2-3 None 2-handed flail +2 Hot Damage
space beast fur whip 2-4 None 1-handed whip
sweet ninja sword 2-4 None 1-handed sword  
tiny ninja sword 2-4 None 1-handed sword Moxie +1
wumpus-hair whip 2-3 None 1-handed whip
yak whip 2-4 None 1-handed whip Successful hit weakens opponent
airblaster gun 1-2 None 1-handed pistol Gives skill Air Blast in combat
antique accordion 1-2 None 2-handed accordion
archaeologing shovel 1-2 None 2-handed polearm Allowed digging at Bigg's Dig
bar whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip +2 to Familiar Weight
big stick 1-2 None 2-handed staff  
bucket of anniversary lard 1-2 None 1-handed flail All Attributes +1
candy knuckles 1-2 None 1-handed knuckles
can-you-dig-it? 1-2 None 1-handed spade +???
chisel 1-2 None 1-handed knife  
clown hammer 1-2 None 1-handed club Squeaky!
clown whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip So-So Sleaze Resistance
cool whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip  
costume sword 1-2 None 1-handed sword
demon whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip
disco ball 1-2 None 1-handed disco ball  
hilarious comedy prop 1-2 None 1-handed club
  • Regenerate 4-6 HP and MP per adventure
KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat 1-2 None 2-handed club
lavalarva 1-2 None 1-handed whip
licorice whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip
  • +5% Chance of Critical Hit
  • Candiful Crits
live wire 1-2 None 1-handed whip
Mayor Ghost's gavel 1-2 None 1-handed club
  • +10% Chance of Critical Hit
  • Weapon Damage +30
  • +50 Damage vs. Ghosts
  • Grants skill Hammer Ghost
The Necbromancer's Wizard Staff 1-2 200 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
pasta spoon 1-2 None 1-handed utensil  
pixel whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip All Attributes +3
rope 1-2 None 1-handed whip
  • +2 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight
  • +10 to Familiar Weight
saucepan 1-2 None 1-handed saucepan Enables the casting of 5-turn Sauceror buffs (all classes)
seal-clubbing club 1-2 None 1-handed club  
Spelunker's whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip
  • Part of Spelunker's Gear
  • Weapon Damage +25%
  • +10% Item Drops from Monsters
  • +5 to Familiar Weight
Spooky Putty snake 1-2 None 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of Blood and Pudding 1-2 15 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of Fruit Salad 1-2 None 1-handed chefstaff
  • Quest item only in AoJ run
  • Spell Damage +10
  • Moxie +10
  • Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure
  • Jiggle: Deal some Prismatic damage
Staff of Holiday Sensations 1-2 75 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Spell Damage +75%
  • +15 Damage to Cold Spells
  • Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
Staff of Queso Escusado 1-2 None 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of Simmering Hatred 1-2 125 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the All-Steak 1-2 50 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Quest item only in AoJ run
  • Spell Damage +50%
  • Damage Reduction: 15
  • Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
  • Jiggle: Massive Bonus to Item Drops (5 charges left today)
Staff of the Black Kettle 1-2 75 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Cozy Fish 1-2 85 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Cream of the Cream 1-2 50 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Quest item
  • Spell Damage +50%
  • Moxie +30
  • Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
  • Jiggle: Attune to Monster's Essence
Staff of the Deepest Freeze 1-2 200 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Electric Range 1-2 75 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Spell Damage +50%
  • +20 Damage to Spooky Spells
  • Regenerate 8-10 MP per adventure
Staff of the Grand Flambé 1-2 125 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Grease Trap 1-2 125 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Greasefire 1-2 20 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Headmaster's Victuals 1-2 None 1-handed chefstaff
  • Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure
  • +5 Damage to Sleaze Spells
  • +5 Smithsness
  • +X Spell Damage
  • (+Spell Damage based on Smithsness)
Staff of the Healthy Breakfast 1-2 None 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Hearty Dinner 1-2 None 1-handed chefstaff
  • Quest item only in AoJ run
  • Spell Damage +10
  • Damage Reduction: 5
  • Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure
  • Jiggle: Weaken Bad Guy
Staff of the Kitchen Floor 1-2 125 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Light Lunch 1-2 None 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Lunch Lady 1-2 75 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Quest item only in KOLHS run
  • Spell Damage +75%
  • Maximum HP/MP +15
  • Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
  • +25% Food Drops from Monsters
Staff of the Midnight Snack 1-2 15 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the November Jack-O-Lantern 1-2 15 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Roaring Hearth 1-2 250 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Spell Damage +250%
  • +40 Damage to Hot Spells
  • Regenerate 30-35 MP per adventure
Staff of the Scummy Sink 1-2 125 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Spell Damage +150%
  • +20 Damage to Sleaze Spells
  • Regenerate 8-10 HP per adventure
  • Slime Hates It
Staff of the Short Order Cook 1-2 15 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Soupbone 1-2 75 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Staff of Life 1-2 50 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
  • Quest item in AoJ run
  • Spell Damage +50%
  • Maximum HP +30
  • Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
  • Regenerate 10-12 HP per adventure
  • Jiggle: Full HP Recovery
Staff of the Standalone Cheese 1-2 50 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Teapot Tempest 1-2 25 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Walk-In Freezer 1-2 125 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Well-Tempered Cauldron 1-2 125 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
Staff of the Woodfire 1-2 150 Mysticality 1-handed chefstaff
sticky hand whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip
stolen accordion 1-2 None 2-handed accordion
stuffed club 1 None 1-handed club
  • Replaces sound effects
stuffed crazy bastard sword 1-2 None 1-handed sword  
tiny plastic sword 1-2 None 1-handed sword Moxie +1
toy accordion 1-2 None 2-handed accordion Enables the casting of 5-turn AT buffs (all classes)
toy taijijian 1-2 None 1-handed sword None
trash net 1-2 None 2-handed polearm
  • Quest item
turtle totem 1-2 None 1-handed totem
  • Enables the casting of 5-turn TT buffs (all classes)
twisted-up wet towel 1-2 None 1-handed whip +25% Item Drops from Monsters (KoL High School zones only)
white whip 1-2 None 1-handed whip +1 Stat Gains from Fights
KoL Con 12-gauge 0-0 None 1-handed shotgun
  • Maximum HP/MP +12
Tales of the Word Realms 0-0 None 2-handed book Lends Power to Your Words
gnollish nunchaku N/A None 2-handed flail No longer available in game
turtleslinger N/A None 1-handed slingshot No longer available in game
Equipment Lists
Hats | Shirts | Back Items | Off-hand Items | Pants | Accessories | Familiar Equipment
Weapons (Melee | Mysticality | Ranged | One-Handed | Two-handed / Three-handed)

See also