. *waves*
| Q: How do you stop a rhino from charging?
| Take away his credit card !
|
| Q: How do you upset a squirrel?
| A: Pinch his nuts!
|
| Q: How much does it cost for a pirate to get earrings?
| A: A buccaneer (get it? A buck for each ear?)
|
| Q: Patient: Doctor Doctor I only have 59 seconds to live
| A: Doctor: I'll be with you in a minute sir
|
| Q: What begins with t ends in t and has t in it?
| A: a teapot
|
| Q: What did one candle say to the other candle?
| (We'll go out tonight)
|
| Q: What did the bugbear say to the stegosaurus?
|
| Q: What did the cat say to the bottle of gin?
|
| Q: What did the Dalai Lama say to the square dancer?
|
| Q: What did the dog say to the blender?
|
| Q: What did the dog say to the cat?
|
| Q: What did the gnoll say to the pink carnation?
|
| Q: What did the lederhosen say to the knob goblin?
|
| Q: What did the lemur say to the hippy?
|
| Q: What did the one firefly say to the other when his light went out?
| (A: "Give me a push. My battery is dead")
|
| Q: What did the origami crane say to the radish?
|
| Q: What did the phlegm say to the technophile?
|
| Q: What did the gorgonzola say to the piston engine?
|
| Q: What did the platypus say to the raven?
|
| Q: What did the platypus say to the zamboni driver?
| A: "I don't know either, but it was undoubtedly something humorous."
|
| Q: What did the racial stereotype say to the square dancer?
|
| Q: What did the raven say to the door?
|
| Q: What did the raver say to the rhinoceros?
|
| Q: What did the rectal polyp say to the raver?
|
| Q: What did the sheep say to the tyrannosaurus rex?
|
| Q: What did the straight-razor say to the zamboni driver?
|
| Q: What did the termite say to the bartender?
| A: Is the bar tender here?
|
| Q: What did the tube of lip balm say to the wooly mammoth?
|
| Q: What did the tyrannosaurus rex say to the dung beetle?
|
| Q: What did the wooly mammoth say to the cannibal?
|
| Q: What did the zamboni driver say to the shrimp fork?
|
| Q: What did the zebra say to the helicopter?
|
| Q: What do footballers drink?
| A: Penal tea!
|
| Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
| A: no idea
|
| Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
| A: Doesn't matter - he's not coming anyway!
|
| Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
| A: fsh
|
| Q: What do you call a flying skunk?
| (A:A smellycopter)
|
| Q: What do you call a sheep that has been hit by lightning?
| (From Google--A: An electric blanket!)
|
| Q: What do you call a skeleton that won't get out of bed?
| (A: Lazy bones)
|
| Q: What do you get if you cross a cat and a lemon?
| (A: a sour puss)
|
| Q: What do you get when you cross a camera with a crocodile.
| (A: A snapshot)
|
| Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a nebula?
|
| Q: What do you get when you cross a pugilist and a helicopter?
|
| Q: What do you get when you cross a stegosaurus and a hippy?
|
| Q: What do you get when you cross a zebra and a zamboni driver?
|
| Q: What do you say to a dead robot?
| A: Rust in peace !!!!!!!!
|
| Q: What do you serve but can not eat?
| A: A tennis ball.
|
| Q: What does a baby snake play with?
| A: A rattlesnake!
|
| Q: What goes zzub zzub?
| A: a bee flying backwards
|
| Q: What happended when the owl lost his voice?
| A: He didn't give a hoot!
|
| Q: What happened to the frogs car?
| A: it got toad.
|
| Q: What is a snake's favourite school subject ?
| A: Hissss tory!
|
| Q: What is black, white, and red all over ?
| A: a sunburnt/embarrassed penguin/zebra/orio.
|
| Q: What type of footwear do bananas make?
| A: slippers
|
| Q: What's a snakes favourite subject?
| A: Hiss-tory! (Note there is another version of this a few lines up; however there are two variations of answers listed below as well, so none have been removed.)
|
| Q: When is a brain surgeon not a brain surgeon?
|
| Q: When is a concert pianist not a concert pianist?
|
| Q: When is a dog not a dog?
|
| Q: When is a dung beetle not a dung beetle?
|
| Q: When is a girl not a girl?
|
| Q: When is a gnoll not a gnoll?
|
| Q: When is a gnuaga not a gnuaga?
|
| Q: When is a harpsichord not a harpsichord?
|
| Q: When is a lemur not a lemur?
|
| Q: When is a planet not a planet?
|
| Q: When is a Pope not a Pope?
|
| Q: When is a rook not a rook?
|
| Q: When is a straight-razor not a straight-razor?
|
| Q: When is a supervillan not a supervillan?
| A: (when he's turned into the police!)
|
| Q: When is a toaster not a toaster?
|
| Q: When is a vacuum cleaner not a vacuum cleaner?
|
| Q: Where do dogs leave their cars?
| (A: In barking lots!)
|
| Q: Where do pigs keep their money?
| A: In a piggy bank!
|
| Q: Where does a 400 pound gorilla sit?
| A: anywhere he pleases.
|
| Q: Why cant cinderella play football?
| A: Because she always runs away from the ball!!!
|
| Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
| (A: To get to the other slide.)
|
| Q: Why did the dentist look so unhappy?
|
| Q: Why did the dog go to court?
| Because he got a barking ticket!
|
| Q: Why did the dog jump in the fire?
|
| Q: Why did the girl throw the clock out the window?
| A: She wanted to see time fly.
|
| Q: Why did the man stare at the orange juice carton?
| (A: Because it said concentrate)
|
| Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
| A: To get to the second hand shop!
|
| Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
| A: Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
|
| Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
| A: he had no body to go with.
|
| Q: Why don't lions eat clowns?
| (they taste funny
|
| Q: Did you hear about the man that died from furniture polish?
| (he had quite a finish)
|
| Q: How do you know which end is a worm's face?
|
| Q: What did the 55-gallon drum of kerosene say to the pugilist?
|
| Q: What did the baby giraffe say to his big brother?
|
| Q: What did the backhoe say to the boy?
|
| Q: What did the blender say to the femur?
|
| Q: What did the blender say to the platypus?
|
| Q: What did the brain surgeon say to the whippoorwill?
|
| Q: What did the frat boy say to the supervillan?
|
| Q: What did the howitzer say to the gnoll?
|
| Q: What did the howitzer say to the window?
|
| Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to the court room?
| (Odor in the court)
|
| Q: What did the rhinoceros say to the pink carnation?
|
| Q: What did the square dancer say to the jellyfish?
|
| Q: What did the straight-razor say to the hamburger?
|
| Q: What do you call an under water spy?
| (James Pond)
|
| Q: What do you call Bears with no ears?
| A: anything you like.
|
| Q: What do you get when you cross a bugbear and a supervillan?
|
| Q: What kind of wig can hear?
| A: an earwig
|
| Q: What the difference between a bird and a fly?
| (a bird can fly, a fly can't bird)
|
| Q: When is a baby gravy fairy not a baby gravy fairy?
|
| Q: When is a frat boy not a frat boy?
|
| Q: When is a jellyfish not a jellyfish?
|
| Q: Why are fish afraid of computers?
| (because of the net)
|
| Q: What has four wheels and flies?
| (A garbage truck)
|
I think the answer "A B" goes better with "What do you call bears without ears" than "anything you like"--Mabelrxu 00:52, 12 January 2008 (CST)
| A: A bottle of gin!
|
| A: A buccaneer
|
| A: A chartered accountant!
|
| A: A hippy!
|
| A: A magnetic banana!
|
| A: A puddle.
|
| A: A rattlesnake!
|
| A: A tennis ball
|
| A: A thick-a-saurus.
| (Q: What do you call a stupid dinosaur?)
|
| A: A toaster!
|
| A: A z-bra.
|
| A: An embarrassed zebra!
| (Q: What is black and white and red all over?)
|
| A: Anywhere he wants!
|
| A: B.
|
| A: Bark!
|
| A: Beacuse they don't know the words!
| (Q: Why do humming birds hum?)
|
| A: Because he saw the salad dressing!!!!
|
| A: Because 789!
| (Why does six fear seven?)
|
| A: Because it ran out of juice!
|
| A: Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
|
| A: Because of all the cheetahs!
|
| A:Dam!
|
| A: Frost bite!
|
| A: Golf!
|
| A: Heat, because you can catch a cold!
| (Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?)
|
| A: Hissss tory!
|
| A: Hiss-tory!
|
| A: Lost!
|
| A: Penal tea!
|
| A: Russell!
| (what did the mother leaf name the baby leaf)
|
| A: Rust in peace !!!!!!!!
|
| A: Scone
|
| A: Sir Cumference!
|
| A: Smiles: Because it has a mile in it!
| (Q: What is the longest word in the English language?)
|
| A: So that he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate!
| (Q: Why did the elephant(?) sit on the marshmallow?)
|
| A: Take away his credit card !
| (Q: How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging?)
|
| A: Tea pot
|
| A: The ceremony wasn't much good...but the reception was amazing!
|
| A: The Outside
|
| A: Tooth-hurty!
| (Q: What time is it when your jaw aches?)
|
| A: What is the difference between a soldier and a fireman?
| A: You can't dip a fireman in an egg!
|
| A: When it's a baby gravy fairy!
|
| A: When it's a cat!
|
| A: When it's a democrat!
|
| A: When it's a diaper rash!
|
| A: When it's a dog!
|
| A: When it's a donkey!
|
| A: When it's a door!
|
| A: When it's a dung beetle!
|
| A: When it's a femur!
|
| A: When it's a helicopter!
|
| A: When it's a hippy!
|
| A: When it's a person of different social standing!
|
| A: When it's a porcupine!
|
| A: When it's a technophile!
|
| A: When it's a toaster!
|
| A: When it's a tube of lip balm!
|
| A: When it's a xylophone!
|
| A: When there are two of them!
|
| A: Get that zamboni driver away from my rook!
|
| A: kangaroo? That's what she said!
|
| A: Why should I be, I'm a tyrannosaurus rex
|
| A: raven? That's what she said!
|
| A: No thanks, I'm stuffed!
|
| A: Get that cannibal away from my scorpion!
|
| A: Look busy, here comes the supervillan!
|
| A: Get that window away from my blender!
|
| A: Why should I be, I'm a dog
|
| A: Why should I be, I'm a harpsichord
|
| A: Why should I be, I'm a raver
|
| A: Get that gnuaga away from my goth!
|
| A: That was no howitzer, that was my wife!
|
| A: platypus? That's what she said!
|
| A: Stick with me, and we'll go places.
|
| A: piston engine? That's what she said!
|
| A: That was no planet, that was my wife!
|
| A: Gnoll'd im? Damn near killed 'im!
|
| A: Look busy, here comes the horse!
|
| A: Get that window away from my hamburger!
|
| A: Look busy, here comes the rhinoceros!
|
| A: Give back the tibia or I'll kill you where you stand!
|
| A: Get that gnome away from my anteater!
|
| A: Get that kangaroo away from my cleaver!
|
| A: Get that planet away from my performance artist!
|
| A: Give back the gumdrop or I'll kill you where you stand!
|
| A: Give back the piston engine or I'll kill you where you stand!
|
| A: gorgonzola? That's what she said!
|
| A: Look busy, here comes the hummingbird!
|
| A: That was no jackdaw, that was my wife!
|
| A: Vacuum cleaner'd im? Damn near killed 'im!
|
| A: A republican!
|
| A: A walkie talkie!
| (Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede(?)?)
|
| A: An Envelope!
|
| A: Hop in!!
|
| A: To get to the moovies.
| (probably Q: Why did the cow cross the road?)
|
| A: When it's a anteater!
|
| A: When it's a black hole!
|
| A: When it's a hummingbird!
|
| A: When it's a lederhosen!
|
| A: "I don't know either, but it was undoubtedly something humorous."
|
