|Locations||Elf Alley: Clear and Present Danger|
|Resistance||100% physical, 100% elemental (only damaged by gift items)|
You see an ancient hobo with a foot-long white beard, hunkering down next to a fire and eating franks 'n' beans straight out of the can. He's humming to himself and muttering, "almost time now. I can feel it comin' in the air tonight."
"Oh, Lord," you say, stepping closer. "Don't I know you? Aren't you . . . Uncle Crimbo?"
The hobo smiles a loony smile. "Might used to be, but I ain't anymore. That monstrosity's runnin' things now. But the magic's comin', kid. The magic don't forget. The magic's callin' the elves to me, and callin' me to the elves. The magic don't want no mutant corporate stooge runnin' the show. Hat or no hat, kid, the magic --"
Something changes in the hobo's face, and the loony smile turns into a grimace. His dazed, glassy eyes turn bright and flint-hard, and he looks at you like he's seeing you for the first time. "You! What're you doin' on my squat? What're you lookin' at me like that fer? I'm gonna wallop ya!"
He tries to block the radio signals cooking your brain by wrapping your head in plastic wrap. You panic and black out. Ugh! Oof! Argh! Ugh! Ow! Ouch! Ooh! Ugh!
He puts a cigar out on you, then uses your still-smoking skin to light a new one. Happy Crimbo! Ouch! Ugh! Ooh! Eek! Ugh! Ugh! Eek! Ouch!
He says, "oh, I feel it, kid! The Crimbo magic's comin' on strong now!" then he downs an entire fifth of cinnamon schnapps and belches fire at you. Ow! Argh! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Eek! Ooh! Ouch! (hot damage)
He mutters something about Crimbo magic, then stabs you with a sharpened sprig of holly. Eek! Eek! Ugh! Ooh! Argh! Ugh! Ugh! Ooh!
He grabs some sleigh bells and shakes them really loud next to your ear. Ugh! Eek! Ugh! Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Oof! Oof!
He hits you with his ring hand. Even though he's long since pawned all of his rings, it still hurts. Ooh! Ow! Oof! Eek! Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Ooh!
He strings up some mistletoe above you and kisses you. You don't know which is worse, the stubble or the breath. Argh! Eek! Ugh! Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Eek! Ow! (stench damage)
He tells you about the radio signals that are cooking your brain. It's a fascinating story.
He tries to put his cigar out on you, but you point out it's not a cigar, but a herring.
He mutters something about Crimbo magic, and goes all glassy-eyed again.
He sits in the corner for a minute, rocking and muttering about Crimbo magic.
He tells you to shut up or he'll hit you with his ring hand. So you shut up.
He strings up some mistletoe, but you decline to be kissed.
Uncle Hobo says, "Hold on, kid. I need a breather," and collapses onto a cardboard box. "So, you think you beat me, huh?" he says, glaring at you with his bloodshot eyes. "You ain't just fightin' some ornery hobo, kid. You're fighting the magic. I'm sure we'll meet again soon." And laying a finger aside of his nose, he -- well, he shoots a snot rocket straight at your face.
You spin away to dodge the incoming mucus missile, and when you look back, Uncle Crimbo has vanished, leaving behind only the faint aroma of body odor and peppermint. Oh, and some stuff:
|You acquire an item: Uncle Crimbo's Rations (100% chance)*|
|You acquire some chocolate cigars|
|An item drops: Uncle Hobo's gift baggy pants|
|An item drops: Uncle Hobo's epic beard|
|An item drops: Uncle Hobo's stocking cap|
|An item drops: Uncle Hobo's fingerless tinsel gloves (30% chance)*|
|An item drops: Uncle Hobo's highest bough (30% chance)*|
|An item drops: Uncle Hobo's belt (30% chance)*|
|You acquire a clan trophy:||Uncle Hobo's whiskers|
|You acquire a clan trophy:||Uncle Hobo's Cigar|
Occurs at Elf Alley.
- Uncle Hobo follows the normal rules for Hobopolis boss drops, except the non-outfit drops appear to be more common.
- You get one chocolate cigar for every +100% items you have.
- You will always get a single piece of the Uncle Hobo's Rags outfit. There is a flat 30% chance per piece that his other equipment will drop. This is unaffected by modifiers.
- Has 100% resistance to anything that is not a gift item. Gift items must be fired by a gift-a-pult.
- The following items are known to deal enough damage to kill Uncle Hobo in 1 attack: designer handbag, arrow'd heart balloon, double daisy, Valentine's Day cake or miniature stuffed Goth Giant.
- Items that can be purchased from The Gift Shop for 100k, such as red balloons, or a stuffed Hodgman, will do around 10,000 damage, but will not kill Uncle Hobo alone.
- Unlike other bosses, Uncle Hobo is not immune to multi-round stunning items.
- After December 25th, instead of fighting Uncle Hobo, the following message appeared, followed by receiving items, likely in a manner similar as above:
You burst into the house, itching for a fight, but you don't find one. Looks like Uncle Hobo's off taking care of some other business.
This makes you sad, but what makes you happier is the fact that he left some goodies behind!
- The standard loot drops, but straight to inventory, and is not distributable!