The Unkillable Skeleton (Hard Mode)
|The Unkillable Skeleton|
You enter the throne room, and see a skeleton strapped to the throne by its wrists and ankles. You move closer to investigate, and your hair stands on end, not out of fear, but out of an electrical charge in the air...
"Not enough voltage," the skeleton whispers.
"You heard me, Warden. Not enough voltage." Louder this time.
"I'm not the warden. And also, I think technically it's the amperage that kills people, not--"
"I can see you, Warden!" Screaming. "Or at least I could if my eyes hadn't melted when you juiced me. But I can smell you. I've still got these nose holes, and they work pretty well even with all the soft tissue burned off. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I know it's you, Warden, and we've got some... unfinished business."
The skeleton rises from the throne -- turns out he's just wearing the straps as bracelets and anklets, and he wasn't actually strapped to it. He bends in close, and you smell the tang of ozone as he begins to laugh.
He pulls in closer. "Wait a minute... Do I smell... shepherd? Graaaaaaargh! It was a shepherd who sent me to that lousy dungeon in the first place! I mean, I did kill all of his sheep, and also his family, but still. The nerve of that shepherd!"
As his anger grows, electricity begins to arc more frequently between all of the metal objects in the room, effectively trapping you where you're standing.
A jagged arc of electricity shoots out of his left elbow, through your brain, and into his right elbow. It almost feels... windshield wiper.
|You lose ?lots of? Mana Points.|
He breaks off a rib and throws it at you hard enough to break a few of your ribs on landing. Ugh!
He sticks two of his finger-bones into your nostrils and shocks your nose from the inside. Ugh!
He simultaneously stabs you with his serrated sword. It's such a simple machine, he doesn't have to use force. Ugh!
He brains you with the pommel of his sword. The impact scrambles your brains, and the electricity cures your schizophrenia. Ugh!
He throws his shield like a frisbee and hits you in the groin with it. That's gonna leave a bruise. Ugh!
He stabs, slices, and shocks you with his serrated, electrified sword. Your hair stands on end and your blood boils (even the large quantity of your blood that's on the floor). (CRITICAL HIT!) Ugh!
|An item drops: skull capacitor|
|You acquire a clan trophy:||Crackling Pelvis|
and 1 to 4 of:
|An item drops: electric Kool-Aid|
and one of:
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's shield|
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's sawsword|
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's restless leg|
and one of:
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's skullcap|
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's shinguards|
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's breastplate|
|You gain ??? <substat>.|
- You can do literally nothing in this fight. No items, skills, you can't even attack. He does approximately 9% [spading needed] of your maxHP with each attack.
- Reduce your MP as close to 0 as you can before the fight. (There is no negative effect to having MP at the start of the fight, but since you lose most/all of it, spending it before the fight prevents wasting resources.)
- Stack Passive Damage sources. The more, the better. (SMOOCH Army Uniform, Skeletal Warrior, etc..)
- One effective source of damage is a Feral Kobold with as many weight buffs as possible. Other effective damage familiars include a Stocking Mimic, Disembodied Hand, a Mad Hatrack equipped with a Fireman's helmet, and a Fancypants Scarecrow equipped with Hodgman's lobsterskin pants.
- An alternate strategy involves reducing your maximum HP as much as possible, then use a heavy mosquito equipped with a Loathing Legion helicopter and Potion of punctual companionship to outheal the skeleton's damage. Popular ways of reducing Max HP include Majorly Poisoned, Consumed by Doubt, and equipping the Mer-kin gutgirdle.
- If you do not have a helicopter, a Vicious spiked collar can be useful. This increases the mosquito's damage by 20, which is an effective weight increase of about 30.
- This monster cannot be copied.
- To fight the Unkillable Skeleton in Hard Mode, you must eat a Dreadsylvanian shepherd's pie and enter the fight with the Shepherd's Breath effect it gives. The effect is removed if (and only if) you win the fight:
- Having won the fight, you feel at liberty to belch mightily. It tastes a lot like a shepherd.
You lose an effect: Shepherd's Breath
- You cannot do anything in this fight. If you try to use a skill, you get:
- You can't move because of all of the electricity in the air.
- He doesn't attack on the round he dies, if you kill him with passive damage. Which, of course, is all you can do.
- Increasing HP doesn't overly help, as his damage scales. Attacks from your familiar, Vent Rage Gland, Passive Damage, etc. all help. Reducing HP and using a Mosquito (with Loathing Legion helicopter, Jingle Bells, and potion of punctual companionship) is a viable strategy. Either way, you need massive amounts of passive damage.
- Damage appears to scale to HP. DR has absolutely no effect. DA might (unspaded).
- Taking 4-5 damage at 47.
- Taking 31-39 damage at 429.
- Taking 64 damage at 790.
- Taking 94 damage at 1084.
- Taking 146 damage at 2081 max.
- Taking 186 to 206 damage at 2281 max.
- The hit message about his sword being such a simple machine is based on a line from the song Italian Leather Sofa by Cake: "She's got a serrated edge / That she moves back and forth. / It's such a simple machine, / She doesn't have to use force."
- The hit message about curing schizophrenia is a reference to how electroshock therapy is used to treat various mental diseases.