The Typical Tavern Rats

From TheKolWiki

The Typical Tavern Rats
Location	The Distant Woods
Unlocks	Receive Typical Tavern Quest
Min Stat	0
Combat %	?
ML	10
Special adventures
Clover	None
edit data

So The Council of Loathing sent you on a bit of a quest, eh? Well we here at The Typical Tavern in The Distant Woods are more than happy to let the Council's workers to do our dirty work...

The Quest

When you first enter the cellar of the Typical Tavern for this quest, this message appears:

You approach the Typical Tavern, and the bartender runs out the front door to greet you.

"You've gotta help us, Adventurer. The cellar is so full of rats that we can't get down there to restock the bar!"

The bartender shows you where the cellar door is (you pause a moment to admire the phrase) and you descend into the darkness.

Man. It's really dark down here.

You are presented with a matrix of 5x5 dark squares. There are 3 types of squares in the darkness:

• drunken rat (20 squares)
• Non-combat adventures (3 squares):
  • Getting the Spins
  • Gleaming the Cube
  • Man'sh Besht Friend
  • Raternal Bonds
  • The Cask at Hand
  • This Song is for the Rats
  • Tucking in the Friar
  • Yaaaaay, beer!
• Special (2 squares)
  • Baron Von Ratsworth
  • Rat Faucet

Each square's type remains the same within an ascension, but can rotate through possible adventures of that type. For example, a given square might be Raternal Bonds one turn and Gleaming the Cube the next, but never drunken rat or Baron Von Ratsworth.

The first "special" square the player encounters will always contain the Rat Faucet, while the second one will always contain Baron Von Ratsworth. The only way to actually locate and fight the Baron is to leave the faucet alone and continue searching.

Combat Adventures

Baron Von Ratsworth -- (edit metadata)

Baron Von Ratsworth

Item Drops: Baron von Ratsworth's monocle or Baron von Ratsworth's money clip or Baron von Ratsworth's tophat Meat Drop: None Substat Gain: Scales with player stats Monster Level: Scales with player stats Moxie for No Hit*: Scales with player stats Hit Points: Scales with player stats Elemental Resistance: none Elemental Weakness: none Physical Resistance: none Note: Set the The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device/detuned radio/The Annoy-o-Tron 5000 to 2 to get the Baron von Ratsworth's money clip Note: Set the The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device/detuned radio/The Annoy-o-Tron 5000 to 9 to get the Baron von Ratsworth's tophat Note: Other settings make the monocle drop.

drunken rat -- (edit metadata)
drunken rat	Item Drops: rat appendix Quest Items: rat whisker Meat Drop: 8-12 Substat Gain: 2.5 Monster Level: 10 Moxie for No Hit*: 17 Hit Points: 8 Elemental Resistance: none Elemental Weakness: none Physical Resistance: none

Non-combat Adventures

Rat Faucet
Rat Faucet	Turn off the rat faucet: Complete the Typical Tavern Quest. Obtain a shiny ring and 3 mixed drinks. Leave the Faucet Alone: Nothing. Note: Neither choice uses an adventure.

Getting the Spins
Getting the Spins	Item Drops: bottle of rum, bottle of tequila, bottle of whiskey, bottle of gin or bottle of vodka

Gleaming the Cube
Gleaming the Cube	Item Drops: boxed wine

Man'sh Besht Friend
Man'sh Besht Friend	Item Drops: ice-cold Sir Schlitz

Raternal Bonds
Raternal Bonds	Item Drops: ice-cold fotie

The Cask at Hand
The Cask at Hand	Item Drops: a little sump'm sump'm, calle de miel, ducha de oro, fuzzbump, horizontal tango, ocean motion, perpendicular hula, pink pony, rockin' wagon, roll in the hay, slap and tickle, slip 'n' slide

This Song is for the Rats
This Song is for the Rats	Item Drops: ice-cold Willer

Tucking in the Friar
Tucking in the Friar	Item Drops: ice-cold Willer

Yaaaaay, beer!
Yaaaaay, beer!	Item Drops: ice-cold Sir Schlitz

Notes

• Once you have completed the Tavern quest, this version of the tavern becomes unavailable and is replaced by the subsequent version.
• If you are falling-down drunk, you get this message:

  You never thought this would happen, but you're too drunk to screw around in the cellar of a bar.

• Attempting to adventure in the cellar after the quest has been completed (e.g., via the "last adventure" link) yields the following message:

  All of the rats are gone. There's nothing to do down here anymore.

• It does not take an adventure to turn off the Rat Faucet or to leave it alone. However, you cannot turn off the Rat Faucet if you have 0 adventures remaining.

References

• The "cellar full of rats" may be a reference to All You Need Is Cash, a Beatles spoof created by performers from Monty Python's Flying Circus and Saturday Night Live, in which the narrator, telling of the Rutles' early years abroad in Hamburg, Germany, says they used to play the "Rat Keller," meaning "a cellar full of rats."
• "Ratskeller" is also the term used for the basement of the city hall (rathaus) in German. Often bars are found there.
• Pausing to admire the phrase "cellar door" is a reference to a quotation by J.R.R. Tolkien, "Most English-speaking people, for instance, will admit that (the phrase) 'cellar door' is beautiful," alluded to in the film Donnie Darko.