The Tale of the Mysterious Holiday Abomination

From TheKolWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
The Tale of the Mysterious Holiday Abomination
The Tale of the Mysterious Holiday Abomination

You grab a roasting stick and mercilessly skewer your marshmallow. As you roast, you listen to a spine-curdling, blood-tingling tale from Roger Kenny, the Roastmaster: "Once upon a time," Roger says, holding a flashlight under his chin for maximum spoooky effect, "there was a ruler of a holiday who was a complete and utter screw-up!"

"Is this an autobiography?" a fellow roaster asks.

"Listen, pal. I'm sick of your heckling. I tell the stories, you listen to them, and the marshmallows get skewered and burned. If you want, the marshmallows can listen, and you can --"

"Okay, okay, sorry."

"So anyway. This holiday monarch was terrible. His job was to make toys and deliver them to good girls and boys in the Kingdom, but he couldn't get that one simple task right. He built an unsafe, radioactive toy plant, and dozens of the toymakers got mutated into one giant mutant abomination."

"But they were all right, weren't they?" a timid roaster responds. "I mean, everything turned out okay, right? They got un-mutated?"

"No!" Roger shouts, leering spookily. "The adventurers in the Kingdom helped the abomination become the new monarch of the holiday! And when the time came for him to take over --"

"Oooh, let me guess! He made a scary holiday instead of a joyous one, like he mixed Halloween with it!"

"No," says Roger. "Someone already did that, and he didn't want to be repetitive."

"Oh. Well, I'll bet he made a messed-up mutant holiday, then!"

"Again, someone already did that, and it would have been a cop-out if he did it again."

"So he was just a terrible manager, and his toymakers protested, and they needed someone to settle the labor dispute?"

"No, dammit!" Roger shouts, then takes a minute to compose himself and get all spooky again. "He was a soulless abomination, so even though he tried his best to make a happy holiday for everyone to enjoy, what came out was a soulless, monstrous corporate celebration."

"Wait. . . so the abominable mutant monstrosity is just the CEO of a corporation? That doesn't make sense!" a roaster says.

"Okay," Roger says, "I'll tell the story to the marshmallows instead."

You leave before you get skewered and roasted. What a magical, spooky tale of an entirely original story for a holiday season!

HPYou lose X hit points. (spooky damage)
MPYou gain Y Mana Points.
Roastmallow.gifYou acquire an item: roasted marshmallow

Occurs at A Yuletide Bonfire starting with Yuletide XIII (if you have a marshmallow).

Notes

References