The Tale of the Mysterious Green Ribbon

From TheKolWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
The Tale of the Mysterious Green Ribbon
The Tale of the Mysterious Green Ribbon

You grab a roasting stick and mercilessly skewer your marshmallow. As you roast, you listen to a spine-curdling, blood-tingling tale from Roger Kenny, the Roastmaster: "Way back in the annals of history," Roger begins, holding a flashlight under his chin for maximum spooooky effect, "there was a poor young man who fell in love with the daughter of a wealthy nobleman. The daughter was a beautiful young lady, but a little strange -- she always wore a green ribbon coiled tightly around her neck. But the young man loved her, even though she would never take the ribbon off..."

"She never took it off? It must have smelled like a zmobie's gym socks!" a fellow roaster says.

"Well, it did," Roger continues, "in fact, many speculate that it was once a white ribbon. Any way, they got married, and on their wedding night the young man went to undress his bride, but when he went to take off the green ribbon, she backed away. 'You must never take it off,' she said, but he wouldn't listen. He grabbed the ribbon and pulled, spinning his young bride around like a top. And when the ribbon came off..."

"Let me guess..."

"She had a fairly comical birthmark underneath! It was shaped exactly like one of the more unfortunately-named constellations. All her life, she would rather die than have people tell her 'there's a pork sword on your neck. Want another one?'"

"Well, that's fairly anticlimactic," your fellow roaster says.

"Ah, but what happened next is the important part. The young man began to laugh, and laughed so hard he doubled over, and he fell on the floor beneath the noblewoman's family crest, and as he pounded the wall the crest fell on him, and its crossed swords barely nicked his face. Oh, and also cut his head clean off." Roger pauses, so as to avoid a paragraph break, and continues, "his head went rolling across the room, wailing, as his young bride wept and said 'I told you not to take it off!' And some say to this day the ghost of that young man's head still haunts us. They call him Nearly Nickless Head."

Man, that was a spooky story. You feel ice water run through your veins as you contemplate the Rube Goldberg-esque machinations of Death.

HPYou lose X hit points. (spooky damage)
MPYou gain Y Mana Points.
Roastmallow.gifYou acquire an item: roasted marshmallow

Occurs at A Yuletide Bonfire (if you have a marshmallow).



  • This story is a take on the old horror tale of the Green Ribbon, where a woman wears a green ribbon around her neck. When it is inevitably removed, her head pops off and rolls away.
  • "Nearly Nickless Head" is a reference to Nearly Headless Nick of the Harry Potter series.
  • Death triggered many an increasingly intricate series of unfortunate events to kill those who escaped it in the movie Final Destination and its sequels. Like this Yuletide tale, they often employed misdirection; some deathtraps appeared to fail only to take out a different victim than would be expected or continued operating to a less obvious end. The suspenseful indirectness of these increasingly convoluted machinations defines them as Rube Goldberg machines.
  • The Roastmaster "Roger Kenny" is a reference to the country singer Kenny Rogers, who owned Kenny Rogers Roasters, a chain of chicken restaurants.