The Pork Sword
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting The Pork SwordThis constellation resembles one of the legendary swords forged by the Pork Elves, in the Times of Old.
Hit Message(s):
It slices you like a ham, which is kind of ironic. Ooh! Oof! Ooh! Ow! Oof! Eek!
It stabs you in the <shoulder> with its hammy point. Ouch! Ugh! Eek! Ooh! Ugh! Argh! (sleaze damage)
It smacks you in the <shoulder> with its hilt. It darn near kilt you. Ooh! Argh! Ooh! Ooh! Ugh! Eek! (sleaze damage)
Critical Hit Message:
It swings through the air almost faster than your eye can follow -- slicing here, dicing there, pruning over there... when it's done, you look a little like a topiary sculpture, except those usually aren't bleeding. Usually. Ugh! Ow! Oof! Ouch! Oof! Ouch! Argh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)
Miss Message(s):
It tries to slice you like a ham, but you block like an egyptian.
It tries to stab you in the <shoulder>, but you parry.
It tries to smack you with its hilt, but you block it with a nearby kilt.
Fumble Message:
It swings toward you at the blinding SPEED OF LIGHT. It fails to calculate, however, that it is technically impossible for anything to go faster than the speed of light, and once it does that, it winks out of existence. It's quickly replaced, though.
  line | You acquire an item: line (30.0% chance)* |
  star | You acquire an item: star (30.6% chance)* |
| star | You acquire an item: star (27.4% chance)* |
Occurs at The Hole in the Sky.
References
- The line "block like an egyptian" from the first unsuccessful attack message is a reference to the Bangles song, "Walk Like an Egyptian".
- "It's quickly replaced, though" in the fumble message may be a reference to the Auditors from the Discworld series. A few times in the series, an Auditor accidentally uses an individual pronoun and promptly ceases to exist, only to be replaced immediately by another just like it.
- The fumble message about "it is technically impossible for anything to go faster than the speed of light" refers to the Theory of Relativity in Quantum Physics.
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