The Junk
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting The JunkThis is The Junk, a constellation which resembles a junk. A junk is a boat with multiple sails and a raised poop deck. Huh huh. He said "poop deck."
Hit Message(s):
It capsizes all over your <calf>. Ew. I mean, ow. Ouch! Ow! Ow! Eek! Ooh! Ugh!
It keelhauls you. You don't know what that means, but you know it hurts. Argh! Argh! Oof! Ugh! Oof! Ow!
It plows you in the <calf> with its prow. Argh! Ugh! Ugh! Eek! Ugh! Ouch!
Critical Hit Message:
It stabs you with its multiple masts, then bonks you in the head with its yardarm, then throws you on the poop deck. Man, that's disgusting. What you gonna do with all this junk? Ooh! Argh! Eek! Argh! Oof! Eek! (sleaze damage)
Miss Message(s):
It tries to capsize on you, but — B-5! You sunk my battleship!
It tries to keelhaul you, but you haul yourself out of the way.
It tries to hit you with its prow, but you know exactly what to do with all that junk, and deftly sidestep it.
Fumble Message:
Just as it's about to stab you with its masts, a giant suitcase appears and locks the junk inside of it. What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk up in that trunk? Apparently, just wait until it gets out.
  line | You acquire an item: line (40.0% chance)* |
| line | You acquire an item: line (22.6% chance)* |
  star | You acquire an item: star (30.5% chance)* |
Occurs at The Hole in the Sky.
References
- The line "Huh, huh. He said 'poop deck'" is a reference to Beavis and Butt-head.
- The miss message mentioning "B-5! You sunk my battleship!" is a line from the song "The Bad Touch" by The Bloodhound Gang. The line itself refers to the popular board game Battleship.
- A Junk is, more specifically, a Chinese ship developed during the Han Dynasty.
- Keelhauling is an archaic form of punishment meant for pirates or transgressors aboard sailing ships. It involved tying the man to a rope, and scraping his body down one side of the ship, across the keel and up the other side. The crusted barnacles would shred his flesh and often he would die of drowning or be eaten by sharks.
- "The Junk" is a euphemism for the penis.
- The miss message mentioning "but you know exactly what to do with all that junk", as well as the critical hit and fumble messages, are references to the The Black Eyed Peas song, "My Humps".
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