The Crimbo Cafe

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The Crimbo Cafe

Crimbo 2018

The Crimbo Cafe is located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Prior to finding the Cafe Elf:

The door of the cafe is locked and it doesn't look like anybody's inside.

After finding the Cafe Elf:

Cafeelf.gif The Cafe Elf

This iteration of the Crimbo Cafe is pretty rudimentary. The Cafe Elf stands behind a rough-hewn wooden counter, and there are only two things on the menu.

Items Sold

Item: Price:
Coffeecup.gif hot watered rum 50 Meat
Soupbowl.gif yule gruel 50 Meat

Crimbo 2014

The Crimbo Cafe is located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Sallydriel Burgerflipper Sallydriel Burgerflipper

"Oh, hi there, adventurer. Happy Crimbo! I'd love to offer you some of our delicious elvish delicacies, but the robots that took over the factory don't eat! Oh, I tried to change up the recipes to suit the new clientele, but motor oil just doesn't mix the way that peppermint oil does! And I tried serving them their fuel in fancy sugar-rimmed glasses, but the sugar mixed with the fuel and it gummed up their works! I don't know...do you know if Taco Dan is still hiring?"

Crimbo 2013

The Crimbo Cafe was located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Gorm8.gif

GORM-8, Food Preparation Robot

*GREETINGS MEATSACK*
*LAUNCH PROTOCOL MERRY.EXE*
*HAPPY CRIMBO MEATSACK*
*PLEASE INPUT DESIRED SUSTENANCE*

Items Sold

Food
Peppermint Nutrition Block Peppermint Nutrition Block (50 Meat, 3 fullness)
Gingerbread Nutrition Block Gingerbread Nutrition Block (75 Meat, 4 fullness)
Cinnamon Nutrition Block Cinnamon Nutrition Block (100 Meat, 5 fullness)
Drinks
Fortified Eggnog Slurry Fortified Eggnog Slurry (50 Meat, 3 drunkenness)
Hot Buttered Rum Hot Buttered Rum (75 Meat, 4 drunkenness)
Spicy Hot Chocolate Spicy Hot Chocolate (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness)
*CONSUME MEATSACK SUSTENANCE*

Crimbo 2012

The Crimbo Cafe was located in Crimboku Town! at The Big Mountains:

Animelf1.gif

Oh hi I didn't see you there but now that I see you if you would care to look I have some delicious food for you to try ha ha! We use only the finest ingredients in our food and drink and if you look at them I am sure you will find one or two things that you would like to eat and or drink okay?

Items Sold

Festive Foods
Rainbow Spider Fun Roll Rainbow Spider Fun Roll (75 Meat, 4 fullness) 6-10 adventures, 3-5 plastic ingots
Vegas Volcano Lava Roll Vegas Volcano Lava Roll (75 Meat, 4 fullness) 6-10 adventures, 3-5 electrical thingamabobs
Crazy Dragon Shogun Buddha Roll Crazy Dragon Shogun Buddha Roll (100 Meat, 5 fullness) 10-15 adventures
Crimbo Cocktails
Crimbo Saketini Crimbo Saketini (50 Meat, 3 drunkenness) 3-6 adventures
Crimboku Drop Crimboku Drop (75 Meat, 4 drunkenness) 6-10 adventures
Flaming Crimbo Log Flaming Crimbo Log (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness) 10-15 adventures
Eat drink be merry ha ha!

Crimbo 2011

The Crimbo Cafe was located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Shopelf.gif

So of course when there's a candy shortage, the first place they cut sugar supply is to the café. That makes sense, right? I mean, it's not like I'm cooking for hundreds of elves or anything! I can just make do with less!

Fortunately, I found this cookbook full of delicious no-sugar recipes! All the stuff in there is like our elf food, only with some substitutions. I hope you enjoy it! You'll be the first if you do!

Items Sold

"Festive" Foods
Brussels Sprout Stir-Fry Brussels Sprout Stir-Fry (50 Meat, 3 fullness) 4 adventures
Carrot, Cabbage, and Kale Pizza Carrot, Cabbage, and Kale Pizza (75 Meat, 4 fullness) 7-9 adventures
Turnip and Rutabaga Pie Turnip and Rutabaga Pie (100 Meat, 5 fullness) 12-13 adventures
"Crimbo" Spirits
Desert Island Iced Tea Desert Island Iced Tea (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness) 12-15 adventures
Jerkitini Jerkitini (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness) 12-15 adventures
Horseradish-infused Vodka Horseradish-infused Vodka (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness) 12-15 adventures
Eat, Drink, Be Jolly

Crimbo 2009

The Crimbo Cafe was located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Lonelyelf.gif

Gosh, if it isn't one thing it's another in Crimbo Town! The Penguin Mafia have made me stop making my delicious elven delicacies, like gumdrop pizza and licorice chow mein! They've got me making disgusting stuff out of pasta and fish! I really hope things get back to normal, soon -- there's a recipe for bubblegumbo I'm dying to try!

Anyway, I've done the best I can with this stuff. The penguins tell me it's delicious, but I'm afraid to try it. What'll you have?

Oh, and since you're not a penguin, don't worry about paying in Crimbux. Just between you and me, the resistance needs Meat!

Items Sold

Festive Food
Caviar Carbonara Caviar Carbonara (50 Meat, 3 fullness) ?-7-11-? adventures
Halibut Alfredo Halibut Alfredo (75 Meat, 4 fullness) ?-10-15-? adventures
Red Herring Velvet Cake Red Herring Velvet Cake (100 Meat, 5 fullness) ?-14-19-? adventures
Festive Booze
Gin and Herring Gin and Herring (50 Meat, 3 drunkenness) ?-7-11-? adventures
Black and Tan and Red All Over Black and Tan and Red All Over (75 Meat, 4 drunkenness) ?-10-15-? adventures
Antarctic Ice Tea Antarctic Ice Tea (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness) ?-14-19-? adventures
Order!

Crimbo 2008

The Crimbo Cafe was located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Until December 24:

Lonelyelf.gif Gosh, I can't believe those Mob Penguins are overunning Crimbo Town! And I can't believe that cheap jerk Uncle Crimbo didn't shield us from the Grimacite radiation! You know, we elves try to put a cheery face on things, but -- well -- do you know if the Flying Oyster is hiring?

Items Sold

Festive Food
Candy Cane Surprise Candy Cane Surprise (50 Meat, 3 fullness) 3-6 adventures
Grimdrop Chow Mein Grimdrop Chow Mein (75 Meat, 4 fullness) ?-6-9-? adventures
Grimgerbread House Grimgerbread House (100 Meat, 5 fullness) 10-15 adventures
Festive Booze
Grimacider Grimacider (50 Meat, 3 drunkenness) 3-6 adventures
Isotope Nog Isotope Nog (75 Meat, 4 drunkenness) ?-6-11-? adventures
Mutagin 'n' Tonic Mutagin 'n' Tonic (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness) 10-15 adventures
Order!

From December 25:

Lonelyelf.gif Welcome back to the Crimbo Cafe! I'm so glad everything's back to normal around here. Well, except for the toy factory full of mutant elves, the mutated trees, and the remaining penguins in the old toy factory. Oh, well. I'm sure we'll have it all sorted out by next year!

Oh, well, at least the half-life on my cooking ingredients seems to have passed. I can finally make good, wholesome food that doesn't give my customers extra heads or fourth nipples!

Uh, I meant third nipples. Yeah, that's what I meant. Eat up!

Items Sold

Festive Food
gingerbread stir-fry gingerbread stir-fry (50 Meat, 3 fullness)
candy cane pizza candy cane pizza (75 Meat, 4 fullness)
gumdrop chow mein gumdrop chow mein (100 Meat, 5 fullness)
Festive Booze
eggnogtini eggnogtini (50 Meat, 3 drunkenness)
candycaine candycaine (75 Meat, 4 drunkenness)
braincracker sweet braincracker sweet (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness)
Order!

From January 1st, 2009:

The door to the Crimbo Cafe is locked, and no matter how hard you knock, no one answers. Then you see a note taped to the window. It reads:
THE HELL WITH THIS. I'M GOING TO COOK FOR THE FLYING OYSTER.

LOVE,
FREDOLAS SHORTORDERCOOK

Crimbo 2007

The Crimbo Cafe was located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Shopelf.gif Welcome to the Crimbo Cafe! The alien cyborg infestation is sure a drag, isn't it! I keep getting these weird rubber-wearing freaks coming in here, waving their laser cannons around, ordering the weirdest stuff! The whole thing's pretty ho-ho-horrifying!

You're welcome to the food, if you want it, but you'll have to eat what the cyborgs eat. They've assimilated the whole kitchen, and I can't cook anything else!

Items Sold

Festive Foods:
Soylent Red and Green Soylent Red and Green (50 Meat, 3 fullness) 4-5 adventures
Disc-Shaped Nutrition Unit Disc-Shaped Nutrition Unit (75 Meat, 4 fullness) 6-9 adventures
Gingerborg Hive Gingerborg Hive (100 Meat, 5 fullness) 10-15 adventures
Crimbo Spirits:
Cyder Cyder (50 Meat, 3 drunkenness) 5 adventures
Oil Nog Oil Nog (75 Meat, 4 drunkenness) 6-9 adventures
Hi-Octane Peppermint Jet Fuel Hi-Octane Peppermint Jet Fuel (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness) 10-15 adventures
Consume Mass Quantities!

Crimbo 2005

The Crimbo Cafe was located in Crimbo Town at The Big Mountains:

Shopelf.gif Welcome to the Crimbo Cafe! We're having a bit of a ho-ho-horrible time here in Crimbotown, what with the factory elves on strike and all. But we're still serving festive holiday food, even to those stupid elves. What's your poison?

Items Sold

Crimbotails:
eggnogtini eggnogtini (50 Meat, 3 drunkenness)
candycaine candycaine (75 Meat, 4 drunkenness)
braincracker sweet braincracker sweet (100 Meat, 5 drunkenness)
Crimbo Entrees:
gumdrop chow mein gumdrop chow mein (50 Meat, 3 fullness)
candy cane pizza candy cane pizza (75 Meat, 4 fullness)
gingerbread stir-fry gingerbread stir-fry (100 Meat, 5 fullness)

Notes

References

  • "Consume Mass Quantities!" was a phrase often uttered by The Coneheads.