The Black Forest
is located in The Distant Woods
. It's called the Black Forest because it's black and a forest. You gain access to it during the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin
A primary stat of 110 is suggested. If your main stat isn't high enough, you'll see the following message:
(It is recommended that you have at least 110 <mainstat> to adventure here.)
- Your yellow streak combined with the blackness of the forest triggers both your fear of getting your ass beaten and your fear of bees. You should come back when you're better equipped to handle this.
These were retired on May 19, 2014.
| A Man in Black
- Item Drops: black market map
- Note: This is a one time adventure, occurring either as a normal noncombat adventure, or, if it hasn't occurred after 11 turns in the zone, as a "guaranteed" superlikely.
- While you are seeking the Black Market, you get progress messages after each combat against a Black monster. You do not get any progress messages from wandering monsters or free fights (Hipster/Goth) in this zone.
- The Black Market will unlock within a range of points of progress, often 20-24 points of progress.
- Having a Reassembled Blackbird or Reconstituted Crow as your active familiar, or having a reassembled blackbird hatchling in your inventory, while seeking the Black Market gives additional progress messages after each combat:
- Your reassembled blackbird flies ahead of you, and as the crow flies, he helps you scout out the area.
- Your reconstituted crow flies ahead of you, and as the blackbird flies, he helps you scout out the area.
- Having blackberry galoshes equipped while seeking the Black Market gives additional progress messages after each combat:
- These galoshes make it a lot easier to stomp around through the soggy underbrush.
- The regular progress messages include:
- In a clearing up ahead, a couple of guys dressed in black are throwing a black ball around. You duck behind a tree before you get blackballed.
- The grass ahead is marked with an intimidating black spot. Some pirate must really want that grass dead.
- You encounter a magically animated pot and kettle. They're hopping up and down, clanging into each other, and shouting, "you're black!" "no, you're black!" You decline to judge which of them is blacker.
- You find a black belt hanging on a tree. You put it on and try some karate moves, but it doesn't seem to improve your skills any, so you hang it back up.
- You find a black crayon on the ground. Some emo kid must have dropped it. You don't want to start drawing in black, for fear you'll never go back, so you leave it where it sits.
- You find a black flag planted in the ground. This must be the site of some historic anti-surrender.
- You find a black hat sitting on the ground. You think about picking it up, but you're suddenly struck with fear of a black hat, so you leave it there.
- You find a black sheep in a clearing up ahead, contentedly munching on grass. You ask if it has any wool, and it rolls its eyes. Oh, duh. It's covered in wool. What a dumb question. That'd be like asking you if you have any skin.
- You find a black top sitting on the ground, but you're concerned it won't match your shoes, so you leave it where it is.
- You find a little grove of black-eyed peas. Some of them are just plain peas, so you punch those so they'll fit in with the rest of them.
- You find a pool of thick tar with a flock of gross birds bathing in it -- they must be black tar herons. You should probably just move on.
- You find someone's little black book on the ground. It has a lot of names and phone numbers in it, so you decide to leave it there in case the owner comes back.
- You look behind a tree and see the Black Mariah revolving slowly on its platform. You decide not to mess with it.
- You narrowly avoid stepping in a pool of pitch black black pitch. You don't have a pitcher to scoop it up with, so you leave it.
- You see a black hole in the ground, but it's not a particularly interesting black hole, so you don't bother marking its location on your black map.
- You see a black tie hanging off of a tree in front of you. You try it on, but it's a little too formal for your style.
- You see a blackboard hanging off a tree, with a piece of chalk beside it. You try to draw some crude graffiti, but the chalk's black, too, so you don't get a good picture.
- You see a dude sunbathing, with a black bar hovering between you and his crotch region. You're incredibly grateful for that black bar.
- You see a gurgling stream up ahead, but the water is as black as a goth giant's soul. You tell that ol' black water to keep on rollin', and you go on your way.
- You see a guy sitting on a little black rug, dealing a hand of blackjack. You leave quickly when you see the blackjack sitting beside him, before he has a chance to hit you with it.
- You see a mailbox up ahead, stuffed with black mail. You decide you don't want to get caught up in some kind of black mail scheme, so you leave it be.
- You see a pair of black straps hanging off a tree ahead of you. They look like they'd make good suspenders, but when you touch one, it's all sticky! They're made of molasses! Gross.
- You see a record that is black on both sides sitting next to a black record player. You put it on and enjoy the sounds of blackness for a few minutes before moving on.
- You see some guys in black jumpsuits engaged in some kind of black ops mission. It looks like they're not worrying about the optics, because they're not particularly stealthy. You pretend you don't see them.
- You find a row of blackberry bushes so thick that you can't even see what's on the other side. It's probably just more blackberries, but just in case, you mark the location on your black map.
- Unlocks the blackberry patch in All Over the Map.
- You find a cozy black cottage nestled deep in the forest. From the smoke and anvil noises, you conclude that it's probably either a blacksmith's cottage or an anvil-testing facility with liberal workplace smoking rules. Assuming it's the former, you mark its location on your black map.
- Unlocks the blacksmith's cottage in All Over the Map.
- In a secluded valley surrounded by towering black trees, you spot a mineshaft sunk deep into the black depths of the earth. You mark its location on your black map.
- Unlocks the mine in All Over the Map.
- In a copse that would be idyllic if it weren't so dark, you find a church that would be picturesque if it wasn't so sinister. You mark its location on your black map, in case you ever want to go to a scary church for some reason. Like if Halloween falls on a Sunday, maybe.
- Unlocks the church in All Over the Map.
- At long last, you discover the trail leading to the Black Market. Frustrated that it took so long, you wonder why they didn't just put up a sign. But then you remember what a black market is, and realize why that would have been a bad idea.
- Unlocks the Black Market.
- The Black Forest, with all its references to African-American culture, is likely itself a reference to infamous forum trolls Team Shortbus who, in a racial trolling attempt, would often troll the forums and more often in-game chat extensively using the phrase, "If there's a Whitey's Grove why isn't there a Blackie's Grove?" or some variation thereof, also implying that Jick was racist.
- Alternately, it was apparently tossed around as idea after the creation of Whitey's Grove, and was mentioned (along with the Black Panther and Black Knight) on a long-ago Jick and Skully radio show.
- The Black Forest is a wooded mountain range in Baden-Württemberg, southwestern Germany.
- The exploration message about seeing "the Black Mariah revolving slowly on its platform" is based on a lyric from the They Might Be Giants song "The Edison Museum".
- The exploration message about black ops "not worrying about the optics" is based on a lyric from the They Might Be Giants song "Black Ops".