The Armory and Leggery

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The Armory and Leggery

[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer runs The Armory and Leggery in Market Square.
The items for sale here are grouped into five categories: Melee Weapons, Ranged Weapons, Utensils, Hats, and Pants.


The Armorer and Leggerer

[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer

"Hey, what are you lookin' at?

Just kidding. Don't worry, I've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions.
Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?'

Anyway, what can I get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"
The sign says there's a sale?

Items Sold

Item: Price:
— Melee Weapons —
Whip.gif cool whip 30 Meat
Katana.gif sweet ninja sword 50 Meat
Suee.gif suede shortsword 300 Meat
25staff.gif 25-meat staff 525 Meat
Bokuto.gif bamboo bokuto 750 Meat
Depthsword.gif two-handed depthsword 900 Meat
Billbec.gif bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme 1,125 Meat
— Utensils —
Rubberspat.gif rubber spatula 150 Meat
Woodspoon.gif wooden spoon 300 Meat
Reamer.gif crystalline reamer 525 Meat
Grater.gif macroplane grater 750 Meat
Baster.gif bastard baster 900 Meat
Obsnutcracker.gif obsidian nutcracker 1,125 Meat
— Ranged Weapons —
Accordion.gif toy accordion 150 Meat
Shortbow.gif slightly peevedbow 450 Meat
Leadyoyo.gif lead yo-yo 600 Meat
Knobsack.gif sack of doorknobs 825 Meat
Ballnchain.gif lucky ball-and-chain 975 Meat
Catapult.gif automatic catapult 1,125 Meat
— Hats —
Snorkel.gif snorkel 30 Meat
Derby.gif Kentucky-style derby 50 Meat
Pentacorn.gif pentacorn hat 300 Meat
Plumehelm.gif goofily-plumed helmet 525 Meat
Hardhat.gif yellow plastic hard hat 675 Meat
Bowlhelm.gif wooden salad bowl 900 Meat
Fballhelm.gif football helmet 1,125 Meat
Radardish.gif eldritch scanner 50,000 Meat
Fishinhat.gif fishin' hat 10,000 Meat
— Pants —
Boxers.gif studded leather boxer shorts 50 Meat
Monokini.gif chain-mail monokini 225 Meat
Mailpants.gif union scalemail pants 375 Meat
Platepants.gif paper-plate-mail pants 600 Meat
Troutpiece.gif troutpiece 825 Meat
Alphapants.gif alpha-mail pants 1,050 Meat
— 2015 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Polyparachute.gif polyester parachute Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypad.gif polyester pad Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypeeler.gif polyester peeler Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypants.gif polyester pettipants Wickerbits.gif 1
Polyhat.gif polyester panama hat Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypulsera.gif polyester pulsera Wickerbits.gif 1
— 2015 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Porcbaton.gif porcelain police baton Bakebits.gif 1
Porcpants.gif porcelain plus-fours Bakebits.gif 1
Porchat.gif porcelain porkpie Bakebits.gif 1
Porcshaker.gif porcelain pepper mill Bakebits.gif 1
Porcpelegrine.gif porcelain pelerine Bakebits.gif 1
Porcmask.gif porcelain phantom mask Bakebits.gif 1

Notes

  • The shopkeeper's name varies from character to character, and changes with each ascension, though the filename of the image is 'matt.gif'. Reported aliases are Art, Bill, Bob, Jack, Matt, Sandy, Warren as well as the duo of Kurt 'n Rod who look like this:
The Armorer and Leggerer

Kurt 'n Rod, the Armorer and Leggerer, Respectively

"Hey, what are you lookin' at?

Just kidding. Don't worry, we've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions. Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?'

Anyway, what can we get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"

  • The sections for 2015 Gear only appear if you have the relevant currency (wickerbits and bakelite bits).
  • In a Zombie Slayer run, the store is closed:
As you approach the Armory & Leggery, the first thing you notice is the large number of motionless corpses lying around, many of them with some or all of their head blown off, and the rest with crossbow bolts sticking out of their eyes.
As you ponder the scene, a zombie shuffles up to see what you're doing. "Graaaa-urk!" he says, as a flaming arrow sails out of the window of the A&L and into his ear. It's at this point that you decide that maybe you should steer clear of the town's largest and best-defended weapons cache.
Looks like the Armorer and Leggerer felt like the risk of losing additional limbs due to mutation was too great. They packed up and left the store barren.

History

References

  • The shopkeeper's different names refer to a series of jokes which always start out with, "What do you call a man with no arms and no legs..."
  • "...lying in front of a door? A: Matt."
  • "...hanging from a wall? A: Art."
  • "...stuck in a mailbox? A: Bill."
  • "...floating in the water? A: Bob."
  • "...underneath a car? A: Jack."
  • "...on a beach? A: Sandy."
  • "...with fifty rabbits stuck up his butt? A: Warren."
  • "...two men with no arms, no legs, and stuck on top of a window? A: Kurt 'n Rod."