Tammy

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Is the Tammy text that appeared after rollover on the 24th a separate adventure? The adventure appears to have been titled The Crimbulmination but this seems like it may have been unintentional.
Tammy.gif

Tammy appeared in Crimbo Town (Under Construction) during Crimbo 2018.


  • On first visit:
You look around Crimbo Town for a while and find basically just a whole lot of nothing, with a lone elf standing in the middle of it. It turns out to be Tammy the Tambourine elf, who runs up and gives you a big hug when she sees you.
"<Player Name>!" she says with a delighted squeal. "It's so great to see you again!"
"Hey Tammy, welcome back," you say. "Or maybe it's that I'm glad to be back? I don't actually know how Crimbo Town works. Is it like a Brigadoon kind of thing?"
"Hmm! That's a good question, I don't know either!"
"Anyway, the whole place looks really empty. Is everything mysteriously disappearing, or being stolen or something? Is that the big problem I have to solve to save Crimbo this year?"
"Ha ha, no silly!" she laughs, giving you a playful punch on the arm. "Everything's fine! We decided to go really traditional this year! You know, back to basics!"
You look around the empty lot. "This is pretty basic, all right. Do you mean 'traditional' in the sense of 'before anything existed at all'?"
"We've hardly started setting up yet! The other elves are out looking for holly and ginger and fruitcake and stuff."
"Fruitcake?"
"Yeah, one of the guys said he's pretty sure there's a fruitcake tree near here, and I said I'm pretty sure fruitcake doesn't grow on trees actually? But he wasn't convinced and went to look for it anyway, and I figure if he actually does find a fruitcake tree it'll be a real nice surprise!" She rattles her tambourine excitedly to emphasize how nice of a surprise it would be.
"Well, it'll certainly be nice to have a relatively normal Crimbo this year, that's for sure," you say. "Anything I can do to help?"
"Yeah, thank you! First we're gonna need some reindeer, because of how the original reindeer are all living in a communist utopia in another dimension or timeline or something now." She puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles, and a bloodhound puppy runs up, tail wagging.
"Aw gee! Who's this good boy?" you ask, giving the dog a pat.
"You can name him!" Tammy says, picking up the puppy and handing him to you. "He's a genuine Yulehound, so he'll be real useful for sniffing out all the stuff we're gonna need!"
Yulepup.gifYou acquire an item: yule pup
"Like reindeer?" you ask.
"Yep! If you head up north a ways, to the Canadian Wildlife Preserve, the two of you should be able to sniff out some wild reindeer there." She hands you a weird futuristic-looking raygun. "When you find a reindeer, shoot it with this! Some of the science elves found some old Crimborg tech and adapted it."
"We sure have had some weird Crimbos, huh Tammy?" you say, accepting the strange blaster.
"Ha ha! I know, right? This year it's gonna be way simpler, for serious!"
"Thank goodness for that. So what's this thing do?"
"The nerds call it a 'rangifer cog-aug nanoprobe', but that's obviously a terrible name, so I call it the Braindeer! Pretty good, right?"
"Yeah, much better."
"Basically if you shoot a normal reindeer with it, it'll make them way smarter! Smart enough to talk, and to get a real job instead of just standing around in the woods eating grass all day! They'll probably really appreciate it!"
"Well," you say, "I'm not sure about that, but I'll do it anyway."
Braindeer.gifYou acquire an item: Braindeer
  • Before braining 50 reindeer:
"We're gonna need at least fifty reindeer," Tammy says, making notes on her tambourine, which she has temporarily repurposed as a clipboard. "While you're working on that, I'll try and come up with appropriate names for them. Let's see... Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen... Sheryl and Garyl and Garfield and Nixon..."
(You have uplifted X reindeer so far.)
  • After braining 50 reindeer but before rollover on December 17th:
"Okay, Tammy," you say. "I may have lost count, but I'm pretty sure I've got at least fifty reindeer here."
"Great job! I knew you could do it!" Tammy cheers, and shakes her clipboard/tambourine excitedly.
"What's next?"
She does that cute "thinking" pose where she pokes her cheek with her pencil eraser while looking up and to the left. "Well, we need to gather all the elves back, but I'm still figuring out a plan for that. Check back with me later, okay? You could go pick up more reindeer in the meantime if you feel like it -- the more the merrier, right?"
  • After braining 50 reindeer and after rollover on December 17th:
You head into Tammy's camp and find her supervising a team of reindeer, who are busy raising a small log cabin-type building, with axes and hammers strapped to their hooves with duct tape. "This seems like more of a job for elves," you comment.
"Yeah, as soon as we can get some!" Tammy says. "I didn't have many here to begin with, and those wandered off looking for fruitcake trees and stuff, and haven't come back. But if we want to attract a bunch of elves, we're gonna need this building, so it's kind of a chicken-and-eggnog thing, you know?"
"What is it? Some kind of elf brothel?"
"Nope! This is gonna be the new Crimbo Cafe! ...What's a brothel?"
"Never mind," you cough. "What can I do to help?"
"Well, it won't be a Crimbo Cafe without the Cafe Elf! I'd run it myself, but the only recipe I know is hot chocolate with a candy cane in it, and I need someone else to make the hot chocolate."
"That's adorable," you reply. "So what happened to the Cafe Elf?"
"The original one wandered off years and years ago... like, six years ago, I think? There were a couple substitutes after that, but they weren't very good. Especially the robot."
"Jeez, he could be anywhere, then. He could be in The Distant Lands by now."
"Probably not, actually!" Tammy rattles her clipboard cheerfully. "He's a real old-school traditional Crimbo Elf, and elves of that generation tend to be homebodies, you know? I bet he wouldn't have gone far. And one of the reindeer told me about a little shack north of a cabin in the woods north of the Preserve that's apparently been there for several years. So if that isn't where the Cafe Elf has been holed up, maybe at least there's someone there who knows how to make hot chocolate?"
"Okay then," you say. "I'll go take a look."
  • Before finding the Cafe Elf:
"Hi, <Player Name>!" Tammy waves at you. "Did you find the Cafe Elf?"
"I'm still looking," you reply. "Where did you say he was hiding out?"
"Apparently, his shack is north of a cabin that's at the north end of the Preserve. So I guess, like, look for a cabin? And then turn north!"
"Gotcha."
  • After finding the Cafe Elf:
Tammy's camp is quickly turning into a proper Crimbo Town -- the Cafe Elf is dusting off and hanging up his old Crimbo Cafe sign, and the reindeer are hard at work on another building that looks like it might be a toy factory. Tammy runs up to you, beaming. "<Player Name>! You found the Cafe Elf! Thank you so much!"
"You know me, always happy to help," you reply. "Now we just need some more elves, right?"
"Yeah! And with the Cafe running and the factory nearly ready, it should be real easy to get them to come back. All you have to do is find them and tell them!"
"How do I find them?"
"They're probably spread out all around the kingdom, but it'll be a piece of fruitcake with a yulehound on the case!" Tammy takes a red-and-green striped sock out of her pocket and holds it up for Crimbo Oliver to sniff -- which he does, and then barks excitedly. "There you go, he's got the scent! Just go around different places, and he'll let you know if an elf is hiding somewhere."
  • Before finding 30 elves:
Tammy smiles as you approach. "Keep it up! We'll need..."
She checks her tambourine.
"30 elves. Per adventurer, I mean."
(You have recovered Y elves so far.)
  • After finding 30 elves but before rollover on December 20th:
"Heya, <Player Name>!" Tammy waves as you approach. "Great work hunting down all those elves!"
"No problem," you say. "Is that enough of them?"
Tammy checks her notes. "Lessee, we've got... well, at least thirty, so that's plenty! There's probably more out there if you want to keep looking for them, though! And anyway we're still trying to figure out how all the factory machines work, so I haven't got anything else for you to do at the moment."
"Okay," you reply, "I'll check back later, then."
  • After finding 30 elves and after rollover on December 20th:
As you arrive at Tammy's camp, she's talking with a Crimbo elf who has a wrench nearly as tall as he is. He gives Tammy a thumbs-up and heads back to the toy factory, dragging the wrench behind him.
"Morning, Tammy," you say. "How's everything going?"
"Everything's shaping up great, <Player Name>!" she says. "I'm really excited, this year's Crimbo is gonna be the best one in ages!"
"Well, cool! Anything you want me to do today?"
"Yeah! We've managed to get all the factory machines running, now we just need parts for the toys. Here, the science guys made another weird blaster! This one's called the Toyleporter!"
"Toilet porter?"
"Toy-le-porter, silly!" She hands you a 50s-styled raygun, the sort that could not possibly make any sound other than pew pew! "Just go out and find some toys and shoot them with this, and it'll send the parts back here!"
"Wouldn't it be easier to just send back the whole toy? So you don't have to rebuild it?"
Tammy thinks about this for a second. "Huh. Yeah, probably! But what fun would that be?"
"Okay, good point."
"Oh! I nearly forgot! We also set up a Gift-O-Mat, so you can buy presents for your friends! The proceeds go to buying a bunch of Reindeer Chow, and to pay the electricity bill for the toy factory."
Toyleporter.gifYou acquire an item: Toyleporter
  • Before acquiring 1000 toy parts:
"Heya Tammy," you say. "Are those toy parts getting here okay?"
"Yep!" she says with a big grin. "The bins are filling up swell! So far we've got... umm..." She flips a page on her clipboard. "Three, four... carry the two... about Z?"
"How many do we need?"
"We're gonna need a whole bunch -- like, I dunno, a thousand? At least a thousand from each adventurer."
"W...wait, you're seeing other adventurers?" you ask, in shock.
"Aw, don't worry!" Tammy says, shooting you a wink. "You'll always be my favorite!"
"Whew. Alright, well, I'll get back to it then."
"Good luck!"
  • After acquiring 1000 toy parts but before rollover on December 22nd:
"How are we doing on toy parts, Tammy?" you ask. "I kinda lost count, but that's gotta be about a thousand by now."
"Yep, you did it! We're all ready to go!"
"Awesome!"
"I have a few more details to work out before we really start cranking things up, so check back with me later, okay? If you feel like hunting up more toy parts until then, we can always use more!"
"Okay, gotcha."
  • After acquiring 1000 toy parts and after rollover on December 22nd:
"<Player Name>! Great news! Great news!" Tammy is rattling her clipboard and jumping up and down excitedly.
"What's up, Tammy?" you ask.
"We found an orphanage! Now we have actual children to send all the toys to!"
"Hey, that's great... wait, you didn't already? What were you going to do with them?"
"I hadn't planned that far!"
"Huh. Well, lucky break, then. Where is it?"
"Ummm..." Tammy checks her notes. "You know that library across the street from the Sleazy Back-Alley? It's across from that."
"That's strange, I never noticed an orphanage there before."
"No, it's brand-new, apparently. What a fun coincidence, right?"
"Uh... yeah, sure. Not suspicious in the least."
"I didn't think so either! So keep looking for toy parts, okay? Now that we know for sure we have somewhere to send them, we want to make all the toys we can! And we've got a leaderboard thingy going, to see who brings in the most parts!"
"Is there a prize?"
"An extra dose of Crimbo cheer and the warm glow of a good job well done!"
"Well, I could hardly argue with that."
  • On subsequent visits before rollover on December 24th:
"Keep it up, <Player Name>!" Tammy cheers. "We're making so many toys! This is gonna be the best Crimbo ever! I'm so excited!"
She demonstrates how excited she is by squealing and rattling her clipboard wildly.
  • After collecting 1000 toy parts and after rollover on December 24th:

Tammy.gif
You head back to Crimbo Town and give Tammy the bad news. "What? What?" she yells. "Dolphins stole all the toys?? Those... those jerks! Darn them to heck!" She squeaks and puts her hands over her mouth, aghast at her language.
"Well, uh, don't worry," you say. "I'm sure we'll figure something out."
"Figure something out?" You can practically see little puffs of smoke popping out of her pointy ears. "Oh, I've got it all figured out already! This means WAR."
"Uh."
Tammy pulls out another weird-looking blaster pistol and quickly makes an adjustment to it with a screwdriver before thrusting it out to you. "Here! Take this! We'll teach those... those... naughty dolphins a lesson! We'll teach them to mess up my perfect Crimbo!"
"What's it do?" you ask. "Does it give them wisdom, to see the error of their ways?"
"No!"
"Um, does it teleport them back here so you can give them a good talking-to?"
"No, but you're getting closer! It makes them explode and teleports their guts to the moon!"
"Holy jeez!"
"Come on, <Player Name>! You're the one I know I can always count on! Let's do this!"
Take the blaster


Abuelacrimbo.gif
Tammy looks angrier than you'd ever have thought possible. She's shaking so bad you can hear her tambourine rattling, and looks ready to burst into tears at any moment. Your jaw clenches.
"All right, Tammy. Don't worry, I've got this." You reach out to take the blaster. "We'll show those fu--"
BOOM! A huge red figure smashes through a nearby wall -- in the cloud of dust, you can just make out their silhouette as they point a finger at you. "Hold it right there!"
As the dust clears, you find yourself staring at an old woman, built like a huge oak barrel wearing a red dress with fur trim and a white apron. Her white hair is pulled back into a tight bun, and a corncob pipe juts from the corner of her mouth. She glares at you over the tops of her little rectangular spectacles.
Tammy gasps. "Abuela Crimbo?!!?"
"Who?" you ask.
"She-- She's Uncle Crimbo's aunt! Nobody's heard from her in ages!"
"Heard my nephew pulled some ridiculous spiritual nonsense, and came to clean up the mess," she growls. "Didn't expect it to be this bad, though. A Crimbo elf with guns! What's going through your head, girlie?" She takes the blaster and snaps it in half with her bare hands.
"B-b-but the dolphins..." Tammy's lower lip quivers.
"Yeah yeah, I heard. The dolphins stole all the toys. So what? Giving's giving! They've got as much right to a Crimbo as anybody. Land sakes! Shouldn't be as easy as that for a Crimbo elf to forget the meaning of Crimbo! ...Oh, now, don't you start a-bawlin', missy. Honestly, you elves got about as much control of your emotions as a marble statue got fleas." Abuela Crimbo picks the now-crying Tammy up bodily and settles her in the crook of her arm, then spits in a handkerchief and scrubs it across Tammy's face. "You had a rough time of it, I know. That nephew a'mine was a thoughtless fool to leave you to run things the last few years all on yer own. Well, mostly on yer own," she adds, nodding at you. She snaps her fingers and a traditional gingerbread-styled cottage appears where Uncle Crimbo's trailer used to be. "Dry them tears an' I'll make you a hot cocoa to put a candycane in. Next year we'll get it right."
  • On subsequent visits to Tammy:
Tammy's face lights up when she sees you, and she gives you a big hug (carefully, so as to not spill her hot chocolate). "<Player Name>! Thank you for all your help again this year!"
"No problem, Tammy," you say. "You feeling better?"
"Yeah! Way better, now that Abuela Crimbo's here to take charge. I guess I didn't even realize how much I was feeling the pressure."
"No hard feelings, then? About the dolphins?"
"Oh, well... not really! They're be getting a lot of coal in their stockings next year, though, that's for sure!" She gives you a sly look over the rim of her mug. "Maybe even pre-lit."

Notes

  • At some point on December 17th, the message Tammy gave after braining 50 reindeer changed from saying check back with her tomorrow to check back with her later.
  • If you ascend after originally obtaining a Toyleporter, speaking to Tammy again will allow you to retrieve another one:
You grab another Toyleporter from the table next to Tammy.
Toyleporter.gifYou acquire an item: Toyleporter