Somebody else's butt

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<Player Name>'s butt
Monster ID 1049
Locations using a photocopied monster of another player's butt
Hit Points 75% of <Player Name>'s un-buffed Muscle (cap 1000)
Attack <Player Name>'s un-buffed Muscle (cap 1000)
Defense <Player Name>'s un-buffed Muscle (cap 1000)
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts unknown
Manuel Entry
edit data
<Player Name>'s butt You're fighting <Player Name>'s butt

You stare at the photocopy, wondering why <Player Name> had to sign their name on their photocopied butt, when suddenly the butt leaps out of the copy and attacks you!

May I suggest a rebuttal in the form of butt battering, lest you be the butt of the joke?

Hit Message(s):

You get hit by the whole butt, which is better than being hit by the butt hole, but just barely. Ow! Oof! Ooh! Ugh! Ow!

It delivers a buttload of pain. Given the circumstances, that's the best buttload of anything you could have hoped for. Eek! Ooh! Ouch! Oof! Oof!

It hits you with its right cheek, then turns the other one. Ugh! Argh! Oof! Ow! Ouch!

It hits you with its left cheek, then turns the other one. Ooh! Ooh! Eek! Argh! Eek!

It winks at you. Ugh. Oof! Ouch! Ooh! Ugh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It hits you with the whole butt and the butt hole, which is unpleasant in too many ways to catalog here. Ooh! Ugh! Oof! Ugh! Ugh! (stench damage)

Miss Message(s):

Its attack skills turn out to not be all they were cracked up to be.

It tries to hit you with its left cheek, but you cheekily dodge.

It tries to hit you with its right cheek, but you cheekily dodge.

It tries to deliver a crapload of pain, but its timing is off.

It floats in midair, the moonslight gleaming on each cheek. It's almost majestic, isn't it?

Fumble Message:

It makes a less than half-assed attempt to attack, and fails in an entirely whole-assed fashion.

After Combat

Occurs when using a photocopied monster of another player's butt.


  • Whenever a player's butt is defeated, the butt's owner will receive a notification telling them that "<Player> has kicked your butt."
  • Conversely, if you lose to the butt, the owner get a message saying "Your butt has kicked <Player>'s"
  • Unlike other monsters that scale to player stats, this one scales everything to Muscle. Instead of scaling Attack/stats to Moxie, they scale to muscle. Also of note is that they scale to un-buffed muscle, rather than buffed.
  • A player's butt will always lose initiative. I guess it isn't the most alert part of a player's anatomy.
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