Sleaze skeleton

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Sleaze skeleton
Monster ID 1421
Locations Dreadsylvanian Castle
Hit Points 1000
Attack 500
Defense 500
Initiative 25
Meat None
Phylum undead
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
Freddy Kruegerand, Dreadsylvanian Almanac page, tonguebone
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
sleaze skeleton You're fighting Prisoner #667927: "Engorged Vertebrae" Graham

Sentence: 14 Months on the Wheel of Pain

Crime: lurking under the bleachers

A clattering sound causes you to turn around quickly, to discover that a skeleton has snuck up behind you with a spare bone in its hand. It waves the bone at you, and then pokes you with it a couple of times. It winks suggestively, then pokes you with its bone again. Man, how does a skeleton even wink?

Hit Message(s):

The skeleton makes a variety of lewd gestures, and thrusts its pelvis at you in kind of a disconcerting way. Oof! Ow! (sleaze damage)

The skeleton has its terrible way with you. Since it's a skeleton, I'm not really sure what that means exactly, but it's a good bet that it is, in fact, terrible. Ugh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

The skeleton seems to run out of rude gestures, and just attacks you normally. Even its normal attack is pretty gross, though. Ooh! Oof! (sleaze damage)

The skeleton suddenly speaks, and what it says is so indescribably filthy that I can't legally transcribe it. Ow! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

The skeleton humps your leg. It's really uncomfortable, and not just physically. Ow! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

The skeleton has its terrible way with you. Since it's a skeleton, I'm not really sure what that means exactly, but it's a good bet that it is, in fact, terrible. Eek! Eek! Eek! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

The skeleton starts to hump your leg, but you whap it with a rolled-up newspaper.

The skeleton has to stop attacking for a moment to think of some new innuendos.

The skeleton thrusts its pelvis at you, as though offering a suggestion of where you should kick it.

The skeleton thinks of something that is amazingly filthy. Fortunately, most skeletons can't actually talk.

The skeleton waggles a bone at you, then nudges you in the ribs a few times. Know what it means?

Fumble Message:

The skeleton seems unable to attack you, and claims that this has never happened to it before. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Dv krueggerand.gifYou acquire an item: Freddy Kruegerand
Dv recipe.gifYou acquire an item: Dreadsylvanian Almanac page (.1% chance)*
Dv tonguebone.gifYou acquire an item: tonguebone (.1% chance)*
You gain ??? <substat>.

Occurs at Dreadsylvanian Castle

Notes

Dvsleazeskel1.gifDvsleazeskel2.gifDvsleazeskel3.gif

As you round the corner of a darkened castle hallway, you encounter a skeleton. This in itself is not very surprising, but the skeleton has apparently found a spare femur somewhere, and has attached it to its pelvis. The skeleton dances around suggestively for a minute, then starts thrusting its hips at you.

A skeleton stumbles toward you, jittering and clacking. Its facial expression is unreadable, which is typical for a skeleton, but in this case it's because it's wearing a leather gimp mask. I bet you thought a regular person in a leather gimp mask was plenty creepy enough, huh?

Oh, it's also wearing a thong.

A skeleton sashays up to you, dressed in lacy (on closer inspection: moth-eaten) silk lingerie. It has bright red paint where its lips used to be, and the upper hollows of its eye-sockets are a dusky blue. It chatters its teeth at you, in a manner it probably thinks is sexy. I won't presume to tell you what you think, but I'm betting you don't agree.
As you're making your way down the shadowy hallways of the castle, you hear a sort of "Pssst!" sound behind you. You turn to see a skeleton dressed in a shabby overcoat. It grins widely (not that it has much choice) and opens its coat to reveal that it's totally naked. By which I mean, it's as much a skeleton as any other skeleton. When you don't seem particularly surprised or impressed, the skeleton gets annoyed and attacks you.
You enter a small, dusty, and cobweb-strewn bedroom. An ancient skeleton lies motionless on the bed. You approach cautiously, and with a sudden chorus of clicking noises, the skeleton arches its spine and beckons you forward. You stand motionless, staring at it, whereupon the skeleton rolls over onto its hands and knees, and shakes its pelvic bone at you. You decide to put a stop to this before it gets any more weird and uncomfortable.