Scary pirate (cursed)
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a scary pirateYou look at the piece of thirteen, and consider taking it to a rare coin dealer to see if it's worth anything. Before you can make up your mind, you hear a groan and a rotting hand grabs you by the shoulder from behind.
You whirl around to see a horrifying zombie pirate.
"Can... Can I help you?" you stammer.
"No," replies the pirate, his voice thick with ooze and decaying throat-bits, "I am beyond help. And so will ye be, now that ye've touched that cursed coin. Allow me to put ye out of yer misery, matey."
Hit Message(s):
He moans "brrraaaiiiaaarrrrnnns!" and gnaws on your skull. And your crossbones. Ouch! Ouch! Eek! (spooky damage)
He swings a rusty cutlass at you and slices you in the <lower back>. Great, now you're going to get lockjaw. Oof! Oof! Ouch! (spooky damage)
He loots your booty. It hurts exactly as much as you'd think it would. Ooh! Oof! Ooh! (spooky damage)
Critical Hit Message:
He knocks you down, steps on you with his pegleg, hits you in the foot with his cutlass, scratches your ear with his hook hand, and then a tiny zombie monkey jumps out from behind kind and kicks you in the shin. Oof! Eek! Argh! Ow! (spooky damage)
Miss Message(s):
He moans "brrraaaiiiaaarrrnns!" and starts to gnaw on your skull, but does a pretty lousy jeorb.
He swings his rusty cutlass at you, but it's too dull to cut you. Regardless of whether you're a lass or not.
He tries to loot your booty, but you shake it too fast for him to keep up.
Fumble Message:
He lurches toward you, but his pegleg gets stuck in the floor and detaches. He takes another step anyway, and his good leg does the same thing.
  Meat | You gain 35-55 Meat. (average: 45, stdev: 4.1)* |
Occurs randomly when using a cursed piece of thirteen.
Notes
- It is possible to fight this monster while falling-down drunk.
- It is possible to increase the chances of this encounter by having the effect, Curse Magnet.
References
- The general description and mentioning of the zombie monkey is a reference to the cursed pirates in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie.
- "Brrraaaiiiaaarrrrnnns!" is a combination of the traditional zombie catch phrase "braaaains!" and the traditional pirate catch phrase "arrr!"
- The word "jeorb" is likely a reference to Coach Z from the web cartoon series Homestar Runner. He is known for his imperviously thick Midwestern accent, and his trouble pronouncing the word "job" was featured in an early episode, "A Jorb Well Done" (which included him pronouncing the word as "jeorb" at one point).
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