Random Lack of an Encounter
From TheKolWiki
Random Lack of an Encounter
You manage to make it halfway across the deck of the Airship without randomly encountering an enemy. You decide to take advantage of this rare opportunity by investigating one of the belowdecks areas of the ship.
Which area will it be?
| Investigate the crew quarters
|
As you climb down the ladder into the crew quarters, you notice the sound of heavy snoring coming from one of the bunks. You try to sneak back out without waking the sleeping Burly Sidekick, but you make a lot of noise when you trip over one of those chests that they leave laying around all over this place.
He rises and stumbles blearily toward you, arm-mounted machine gun at the ready.
or
You climb the ladder down into the crew quarters, and encounter a Protagonist, lying on a cot and brooding.
"Hey there!" you say, "Whatcha brooding about?"
He looks up at you, broods more intensely for a few seconds, and then charges at you with his gigantic sword drawn.
or
As you climb down the ladder into the crew quarters, you're bowled over by a Spunky Princess, who corners you with an umbrella at your throat.
"Who are you!?" she demands. "Did my father send you?"
"Whoah there, calm down!" you reply.
"Don't tell me what to do!" she screams, as she starts battering you with the umbrella.
or
You climb the ladder down into the crew quarters, and find it quiet and deserted. Almost... too quiet and too deserted. You round a corner, and see a Quiet Healer, quietly enjoying an ice-cream sundae.
After she finishes her dessert, she grabs her staff and advances on you. Quietly.
or
As you open the hatch that leads to the crew quarters, you're nearly deafened by a piercing klaxon, and nearly blinded by a bunch of flashing red lights.
If you had actually been deafened, you wouldn't hear the computerized voice bellowing 'Intruder Alert. Security systems activated.' and if you had actually been blinded, you wouldn't see the enormous robot lumbering toward you with its weapons at the ready.
You enter the cargo hold, and are astonished to find it packed wall to wall and ceiling to floor with treasure chests.
Man, these guys must be really obsessive about collecting treasure. It's like they're trying to get 100% of the treasure in the world, or something.
Anyway, you figure they won't miss one single measly little treasure chest, so you grab one and head back above decks.
Cut. Cut! For the love of God, CUT!
You sneak down into the galley of the airship, and find the entire crew sitting around a table eating dinner. You quickly jump behind some crates before you're seen.
The scene that unfolds before you is... difficult to describe. The members of the crew are talking, but it's not like a regular conversation -- it's as though they're reading from a script. Nobody speaks until the person before them is completely done speaking, even when they're obviously supposed to be interrupting one another.
And the conversation's content, well, it runs the gamut from needless exposition about the mission they're on to boring stories about the characters' pasts, with occasional detours into awkward flirting and ham-handed foreshadowing.
The main problem with the conversation, though, is its length. It just goes on...
and on...
and on...
Just as you become convinced that the conversation is going to go on forever, the Burly Sidekick notices you, picks you up, and angrily throws you off the side of the airship. Ow.
You dust yourself off and try to remember what you've learned from this experience. You have to have learned something, right? That conversation couldn't possibly have been just a pointless and interminable waste of your time, could it? Could it?
- Stat gain averages 20 + max(0,noncombat modifier)/2
- This is the modified noncombat frequency modifier, taking into account +ML (but not the three MCDs)
- The number of times "and on" is printed depends on the modified noncombat modifier according to the formula: 2 + Ceiling[ Floor(noncombat modifier) / 3 ]
Occurs at The Penultimate Fantasy Airship.
[edit] References
- The cargo hold choice references how many RPG players attempt to complete 100% of some task, such as collecting all the treasure in the world, sometimes for some in-game reward.
- The galley choice references the "endless" mini-movies, known as cut-scenes, sprinkled within video games like the Final Fantasy series, some of which advance the plot, some of which are just a "pointless... waste of your time".
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