Pygmy janitor

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Pygmy janitor
Monster ID 1427
Locations The Hidden Apartment Building, The Hidden Bowling Alley, The Hidden Hospital, The Hidden Office Building, The Hidden Park
Hit Points 155
Attack 142
Defense 150
Initiative 10
Meat 72-108
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
all-purpose cleaner, book of matches, jungle floor wax, short-handled mop
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
pygmy janitor You're fighting a pygmy janitor

When you live in an ancient ruin in the middle of the jungle, your biggest problem is keeping things clean. (Okay, the second-biggest problem, after "being eaten by wild animals".) Which explains why the pygmy janitors are among the most highly-respected members of the tribe. I mean, you've gotta give some props to the guy whose job it is to clean and polish a dirt floor. How does he even know when to stop?

Hit Message(s):

He mops the floor with you. The worst part is he keeps sticking your head in that filthy mop bucket. Eek! Ow! Ugh! Eek! Ugh! Eek! Ow! (stench damage)

He pulls out a huge wad of used chewing gum and hucks it at you. Ouch! Ugh! Ooh! Ouch! Ow! Oof! Argh! (sleaze damage)

He hits you with a push broom, sweeping you off your feet. Ooh! Ow! Eek! Argh! Ugh! Argh! Ooh!

He sprays a mixture of alcohol and vinegar onto your glasses to clean them, realizing too late that you're not wearing any glasses. It burns! Ow! Eek! Ooh! Ow! Oof! Oof! Ugh!

He sprinkles sawdust on a mysterious puddle a few feet away. A sudden gust of wind blows wood chips into your eyes. Ouch! Ugh! Oof! Ugh! Argh! Oof! Ouch!

He slices you with the razor he uses to remove gum from under the tables. It's not the sharpest razor, but that just makes it worse. Ow! Ugh! Ooh! Argh! Ouch! Argh! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He poleaxes you with his mop, and once you're down uses the push broom to sweep you under the wheels of his cleaning cart, which he then rolls over you. Argh! Argh! Eek! Ooh! Eek! Ugh! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to mop the floor with you, but you duck the mop bucket.

He tries to throw some used chewing gum at you, but you catch it in your mouth and swallow it. Effective, but ew, man.

He tries to sweep you off your feet, but you're immune to his charms.

He tries to clean your glasses for you, but you point out you're not wearing any.

He tries to sprinkle sawdust on you, but you tell him you're not a puddle of vomit, all appearances to the contrary notwithstanding.

He tries to slice you with the razor he uses to remove gum from under the tables, but it's too gummed up to cut effectively.

Fumble Message:

He can't decide whether he should use the wet mop, the dry mop, or the push broom on you, so you avoid getting hurt this round. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 72-108 Meat (average: 90, stdev: 7.75)*
Cleaner.gifYou acquire an item: all-purpose cleaner (5% chance)*
Matchbook.gifYou acquire an item: book of matches (20% chance)*
Balm.gifYou acquire an item: jungle floor wax (20% chance)*
Littlemop.gifYou acquire an item: short-handled mop (15% chance)*
You gain 38 <substat>.

Occurs in The Hidden Apartment Building, The Hidden Bowling Alley, The Hidden Hospital, and The Hidden Office Building.