Portly Abomination
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a Portly AbominationThis is a gigantic creature which has been constructed by the Knob Goblin Mad Scientists out of parts of dead fat goblins.
Hit Message(s):
He decides to interrupt the fight for a quick snack. Unfortunately, you're the snack. Oof! Ouch!
He lumbers toward you and crushes your <lower back> with his sickly girth. Eek! Argh!
He belly-bounces you into a wall. The quivering of his belly is nothing at all like a bowlful of jelly. Eek! Oof!
He sits on you, telescoping your spine. Great, now you're going to be dragging your feet across your back and running your head against your neck. Oof! Oof!
Critical Hit Message:
He enfolds you in several rolls of blubber. You gasp for breath and try to free yourself, but his gravitational pull keeps dragging you back in. Argh! Ow! Eek! Ugh!
Miss Message(s):
He starts to attack, then puts on a top-hat and sings something about pudding and ritz crackers. Weird.
He lumbers toward you, but runs out of breath before he can hit you.
He tries to belly-bounce you into a wall, but his belly's so soft it's more of a squish. Not painful, just icky.
He starts to sit on you, but is so fat he can only sit around you. Get it?
Fumble Message:
He suddenly sees his shoe is untied and bends over to tie it. Several people get on his back thinking he's a bus, which slows him down considerably.
 | You gain 61-91 Meat. (average: 76.2, stdev: 6.5)* |
Occurs at Menagerie Level 3.
References
- The attack text refers to the Irving Berlin song, "Putting on the Ritz." More specifically, it is a reference to a scene from the 1974 Mel Brooks/Gene Wilder film Young Frankenstein, in which Victor Frankenstein's grandson (Wilder) attempts to introduce the monster he has created (Peter Boyle) into society by dressing both of them in top hats and tails and performing a duet of "Putting on the Ritz" with him. (Or, more accurately, 'UTTIN' ON THE 'IIIIITZ!)
- In "The Night Before Christmas", Santa Claus is described as having a belly that shakes like a bowlful of jelly.
- The 4th miss message is based on the insult "Yo momma's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits around the house!" used frequently in the dozens.
- The third attack message references the They Might Be Giants song "Spine", which starts with the lyrics, "I've been draggin' my feet across my back and I've been rubbin' my head against my neck."
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