Penne Dreadful

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Penne Dreadful

Penne Dreadful

The Penne Dreadful is a Pasta Thrall which can accompany Pastamancers in combat. A Pastamancer can bind an Penne Dreadful by using the skill Bind Penne Dreadful.


  • Equalizes base Moxie to base Mysticality.
  • Starting at level 5, it will delevel at the start of combat by (level).
  • At level 10, gives 10 Damage Reduction.

Combat Messages

  • During combat:
  • <name> says, "the adventurer who was bankrolling me was like a bull in a china shop. Scratch that, he was like a bull in a whole town made out of china. I wanted him to slow down, catch his breath, but that's china town."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "If I knew one thing about the local goon squad, it was that they didn't take 'no' for an answer. Fortunately, the answer we were giving them was somewhat more emphatic than that."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "it was a dark night in the Kingdom that never sleeps, but watching this mook try and fight was making my eyes heavier than a sandbag full of lead. Um, lead sand. Shut up."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "I wanted this fight to be over so I could go interrogate a promising suspect: a flask full of bourbon. I figured the interrogation would go on until one of us passed out."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "I wanted to go cherchez la femme, but dames never go for guys like me. I'm a deadbeat, and a drunk, and my body's made out of pasta. I'd never be al dente enough for the right kind of dame."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "My mother always told me 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.' I guess that's why my partner did most of his talking with his fists."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "My new friend didn't look like much, but I could tell he was a professional at the world's second-oldest profession -- beating someone up for their money."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "the adventurer fought like a shark. Unfortunately, he fought like a shark on the deck of a boat -- it was mostly flopping and gasping, with the occasional lucky hit."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "The mook we were up against was plainly sorry to have run into a couple of guys like us in a dark alley." He pauses, and looks around. "...Or whereever this is."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "This friend of mine was about as graceful a fighter as a pitbull in a tutu. Fortunately, it isn't grace that gets a job done."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "<player> had that look in his eyes again -- the one that meant the local hospital was gonna need to run a new blood donations drive soon."
  • <name>'s voiceover says, "It looked like someone was about to learn a hard lesson about who they shouldn't mess with, and it was us. ...I mean, our opponent. Wait... I'll start over."

    <name>'s voiceover says, "It looked like our opponent was about to learn a hard lesson about us, namely the fact that we were the people that they shouldn't mess with."
  • At the start of combat (Level 5 and above):
  • <name> yanks your opponent's suit-jacket down, pinning his arms. That's weird, you didn't initially notice it was wearing a suit.
  • <name> mutters something about how the darkness of the streets is a simple reflection of the darkness of the men that walk it. Your opponent, puzzled, gives you a nudge. "Who is he talking to?" it asks.
  • <name> slaps your foe across the face. "I've had enough of your lip," he growls. "I'm here for information, and you're gonna give it to me!" Your opponent seems confused.
  • <name> lights a cigarette with a sneer (well, actually he lights it with a match) and blows a disdainful cloud of smoke in your opponent's eyes.
  • <name> smirks at your opponent. "How much is your boss paying you?" he asks it. "I'll double it, and we'll beat the hell out of him." Your opponent seems nonplussed by the offer.
  • <name> grabs your opponent's shoulders and gives him a violent shake. "I don't care who your boss is, or who his boss is!" he shouts. "A man's got a responsibility to his partner, and when he gets murdered, somebody's gonna pay!"
  • "You've got a lot of nerve, showing your face around here," <name> growls, jabbing your opponent hard on the sternum with his index finger. "What, you thought we'd forgive you just like that? Thought you could turn up out of the blue, say 'I'm sorry', and everything would be rainbows and lollipops? Well, chum, you've got another think coming!" Your opponent is plainly baffled by the accusation.
  • "Well, well, well," <name> says, lighting a cigarette. "If it isn't my old 'pal' <nickname>. Haven't seen you since you got sent up the river for running the old numbers racket. What are you doing showing your mug in this neck of the woods?" Your opponent looks around, wondering who he's talking to.


  • Penne Dreadful names follow a specific pattern - they begin with a man's first name and end with one associated with detective stories (such as "Danger", "Gently", "Gray", "Malone", "Noir", "Slade", "Sloan"). Some examples are "Ace Noir", "Cliff Slade", "Mitch Malone", and "Nick Danger".


  • His ol' pal is named <number>-<bodypart> <boy's name> (e.g., Five-arse Eddie, Six-eye Paul), etc.


  • The name of this guardian is a pun on the phrase "penny dreadful", cheap fiction in the 19th century, and Penne pasta.
  • The possible names reference a number of fictional "private eyes". These include Dirk Gently by Douglas Adams and possibly Ace Malone of Both the first and last names of Guy Noir are also used; he is the central character of a recurring skit on A Prairie Home Companion by Garrison Keillor. Episodes of the latter usually begin "It was a dark night, in a city that knows how to keep its secrets." This may be the inspiration for one of the voiceover messages. "Nick Danger" was the main character in a parody of radio detective dramas performed and recorded by The Firesign Theatre.


See Also