Orcish Frat Boy (Paddler)

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Orcish Frat Boy
Monster ID 63
Locations Orcish Frat House
Hit Points 30
Attack 40
Defense 36
No-Hit 50
Initiative 60
Meat 24-36
Phylum orc
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
bottle of gin, deodorant, flask flops, ice-cold Sir Schlitz, Orcish cargo shorts
Bounty empty aftershave bottle
Pickpocket packet of beer nuts
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Orcish Frat Boy You're fighting an Orcish Frat Boy

This is an Orcish Frat Boy. He really, really likes paddling new pledges and making them dress in women's underwear. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Hit Message(s):

He whips out a frat-paddle and hits you square in the spinal column. You feel somewhat hazy. Oof! Eek! Argh! Ow! (sleaze damage)

He hands you a feather duster and tells you to clean up the frathouse. After that little dust-up, you feel pretty sore. Ugh! Eek! Ow! Eek! (sleaze damage)

He pulls out a bra and says "Hey, bra, put this bra on, bra." You have no choice but to do so. It pinches. Ooh! Argh! Argh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

He beans you in the head with a can of Sir Schlitz. You get sufficiently more impaired than you would had you drank ten or twenty of them. Ugh! Eek! Ooh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

He swings his frat-paddle and connects solidly with your skull. Oddly enough, a paddle is really just a big, blunt instrument when it's hitting somewhere other than your arse. Ouch! Ugh! Ugh! Argh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He winds up and smacks you repeatedly with the frat paddle. It doesn't hurt that bad, but constantly saying "Thank you, sir, may I have another" is bad for your dignity. Ooh! Argh! Ow! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

He whips out a frat-paddle and swings it at you, but you back away as quickly as possible.

He tries to get you dust the frathouse, but you won't get involved in dust-ups like that.

He pulls out a bra and tries to get you to wear it. You tell him it's not your cup size and back away slowly.

He throws a can of Sir Schlitz at you, but thankfully it's an empty can. It bounces harmlessly off your <thigh>.

He swings his frat-paddle at you, but misses.

Fumble Message:

He whips out his frat-paddle and prepares to swing away, but fumbles and drops the paddle on his toes. He bends over to pick it up and one of his fellow fratboys steps up and paddles him. You back away slowly. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 24-36 Meat (average: 30, stdev: 2.83)*
Bottle.gifYou acquire an item: bottle of gin (20.9% chance)*
Beer.gifYou acquire an item: ice-cold Sir Schlitz (20.1% chance)*
Shorts.gifYou acquire an item: Orcish cargo shorts (6.5% chance)*
Spraycan.gifYou acquire an item: deodorant (5.5% chance)*
Sandals.gifYou acquire an item: flask flops
Aftershave.gifYou acquire an item: empty aftershave bottle (100% chance)*
You gain 10 <substat>.

Occurs at Orcish Frat House.

Notes

References

  • "Not that there's anything wrong with that" is in all probability in reference to the episode of Seinfeld when Jerry and George had to correct a rumor that they were gay for the whole episode, and add "not that there's anything wrong with that".
  • Most of the Orcish Frat Boy jokes refer to the usual kinds of initiation through which pledges are forced to go by their fraternities. This one also refers to the movie Animal House wherein Kevin Bacon is a pledge that gets hit repeatedly with a paddle and has to keep saying "Thank you sir, may I have another" until they get tired of hitting him.
  • The bottle of Sir Schlitz being thrown at you could be a reference to the classic computer game Dark Castle wherein the final "boss" the Black Knight throws bottles of beer at you.