Neil

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Neil
Location	The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hitpoints	300-326
Attack	?
Defense	?
Initiative	?
Meat	182-187
Element	stench
Physical	None
Drops bullet-proof corduroys, Lockenstock™ sandals, longhaired hippy wig, reinforced beaded headband
Quest	green clay bead
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You're fighting Neil

In the midst of the battlefield, you are accosted by dirtiest, smelliest hippy you've ever encountered (and trust me, that's saying something). He pushes his long stringy brown hair out of his face, and frowns at you gloomily.

"Hey, man," he says. "I don't want to be a bummer, right, but I've got something really heavy to lay on you. The lads say I've got to kill you, right, and I told them I don't believe in violence -- I mean, I'm a vegetarian, because I don't abuse my body or the world I live in -- but nobody ever listens to me anyway, right? So anyway, sorry about this man, but look on the bright side -- you could have been me and ended up having a really bad time all of the time..."

You decide to kill him, just so he'll shut up.

Hit Message(s):

Neil hits you in the <bung> with some handy debris, and then apologizes for being a really selfish negative vibe merchant. Argh! Ugh! Oof! Ugh! Argh!

He smashes you over the head with a guitar, grimacing because it was the one that his grandfather made out of matchsticks on his deathbed. "Bad karma," he mumbles. Oof! Ouch! Ugh! Ow!

"I'm not into violence, right, but I'm really gonna smash your face in!" he says, as he bludgeons you with a filthy old teapot. Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

Suddenly, there is a puff of smoke, and Neil inexplicably grows six pairs of arms. "Oh wow, yeah! Far out!" he says, as he pummels you with them. "Look at me, I'm Krishna!" Oof! Ooh! Oof! Ooh! Ouch! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

Neil flashes you a peace sign. "Vegetable rights and peace," he says.

Neil looks rather agitated. "My barely-adequate psychic defenses are crumbling!" he moans.

Neil begins to attack you, but is interrupted by a musical number by some early-80's British pop band.

Fumble Message:

A punk with a bright orange mohawk and metal studs in his forehead stomps up to Neil and bludgeons him with a cricket bat for failing to have supper ready.